Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Okay, I gotcha. I read more into the "kind of obsessed" phrase you used. I thought he was saying other things and that it was part of his general demeanor. A short but firm "quit it, that's not nice" is useful in some situations where you need to nip something in the bud with other people's kids. There's also the "this is a teaching moment" approach that works in others, but I tend to use that very sparingly.
Good luck!
Yeah, "obsessed" probably wasn't the best word choice. I think he just seems to have more curiosity/preoccupation with these issues than my kids, at least. My kids still just refer to people descriptively as having "light skin" or "dark skin." Like, you know John, the boy with the dark skin? I'm sure there's a range of what's typical in terms of 7-year racial awareness; he just seems to be higher on that scale than my kids, at least.
my husband and the Dad are pretty friendly (golf buddies)
Has your husband heard the Dad say anything racist? My guess is that if they're golf buddies it would have come out by the end of the first round. If he's never given a hint then handle the conversation with him casually. It may be one big misinterpretation of 7-year-old-speak.
Has your husband heard the Dad say anything racist? My guess is that if they're golf buddies it would have come out by the end of the first round. If he's never given a hint then handle the conversation with him casually. It may be one big misinterpretation of 7-year-old-speak.
I honestly don't know. I would have to ask. It is entirely possible that Dad is too loose-lipped when he thinks the kids aren't listening. Good idea and I'll look into it.
I honestly don't know. I would have to ask. It is entirely possible that Dad is too loose-lipped when he thinks the kids aren't listening. Good idea and I'll look into it.
I don't think that's what Dew meant. I think she means (if you don't mind Dew) that if the dad was prejudiced, it would have come out by now, and your husband would be aware of it.
If they are (racist), then I wouldn't take out the sins of the father on the son by ostracizing the kid. I think Julia has the right idea, about putting the kibosh on it in the car, or using that moment to give the kid another point of view.
That would be a far more effective way of handling it if indeed (which I doubt) the kid is picking it up from the parents.
No ostracizing necessary. It's simple enough to preface the comment with "your son is such a nice kid, I'm sure he didn't mean anything by this..." especially when the OP does not get the impression that the kid is trying to be mean or spiteful. That's the way I would approach it., No one here, including the OP, thinks this kid is some raging little racist monster. He's a kid making thoughtless comments. I think even if I was in the situation with my kid being on the receiving end of such comments, I would give the other kid and parents the benefit of the doubt. After approaching them in a completely friendly and non-confrontional way, if they freak out or get angry, I have my answer. I would imagine most parent would be a bit uncomfortable, but want to correct the situation. It sounds like these parents are generally nice people and would want to know the kind of things their child is saying. If they do say things around their kids that the kids are picking up on, they might want to be aware of that too and watch what they say. They also might not care one way or the other, and that being the case, I would do what another poster mentioned and use the drive as a teaching moment when it came up. And also reinforce to my own kids that it isn't right. After all, that isn't going to be the last or only time they hear something like that.
I don't think that's what Dew meant. I think she means (if you don't mind Dew) that if the dad was prejudiced, it would have come out by now, and your husband would be aware of it.
If they are (racist), then I wouldn't take out the sins of the father on the son by ostracizing the kid. I think Julia has the right idea, about putting the kibosh on it in the car, or using that moment to give the kid another point of view.
That's exactly what I meant, Fin. Thanks.
And Fin's right on the second idea as well. (I've re-thought my position slightly.) If this kid is parroting what he hears at home let him know you won't tolerate that talk in the car. But I wouldn't boot him unless it became clear that he was truly mean about it and influencing my own child.
Gotcha. Nothing like that has been mentioned to me, so I don't know for sure, but my husband is the kind of guy to call people on stuff like that ("Dude, that's not cool") if he feels offended. Definitely not a shrinking flower, and he wouldn't continue to hang out with the guy if objectionable things were being said. Nope, I don't think this is a guy who secretly flies the Rebel Flag at home or anything like that. He's just a guy's guy who seems pretty normal to me.
I would handle it in a joking matter. "Say, your boy is really into the race thing lately I've noticed", "he watch a movie about black people or something being smelly?" chuckle, chuckle.
That way they are aware but not aware you're stunned, shocked or worried. They will inquire what you mean, and then it's a free convo after that. "Why, what is he saying?"
I wouldn't have the nicey nice talk. I'd have the jokey, joke talk instead. lol
Just my preference. I don't like overly concerned parent talks, it's too serious. IMO. Unless my child did something really wrong of course.
I for sure would mention it to one of the parents. We have "soccer" friends, where I talk to parents at soccer games. One kid said something a bit over the line and I mentioned something to his Dad, in a casual way...I wasn't even looking him in the eyes, we were watching the kids soccer game, and he said, "did he really say that, with those words?" I said yeah, and the Dad said he would talk to his kid. Kids say ridiculous stuff, many times they don't even know why they are saying it.
My son said, "Mommy, you're sexy." My wife's eye got really big, with an increduous look on her face. I asked him if he knew what that meant, and he didn't. We had a short "sexy" conversation and I haven't heard it since, unless they are singing LMFAO.
Another time at the dinner table the kids were discussing Indians from India vs Indians from USA(Native Americans), as we have a fairly sizable Indian population in our area. They ask really interesting and sometimes odd questions, but I can tell they are just trying to figure stuff out. The conversation made me a bit uncomfortable at times, but I thought it was appropriate to let then try to figure it out. I started joining into the conversation after a while and I finished with something like: God makes all kinds of people, and we should be nice whether they are tall or short, big or small, with brown hair or blonde hair, etc.
Sorry but I think a 7 year is much more aware than this one is being given credit for. I certainly would not want my nanny putting up with the comments either but I guess the need for the carpool trumped the other issues involved but in the long run, I hope it is worth it. SO many people are like this and thank God I taught my children better than that and they are passing it on. This is an issue of priorities. So many adults just let it go by in the name of "friendship" because they don't want to make waves but inasmuch as you let it go by, you too are just as guilty in my book.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
