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Living with someone I find off craigslist? No way.
You cannot have your cake and eat it to. You need to get independent, by whatever means necessary. Or you need to do what your parents say. When they are contributing financially, it is a whole lot harder to be in a limit setting position.
My (Japanese) mother is pretty much the same way... I've learned the whole "In one ear, out the other" method a long time ago. I also do not reveal much personal information to her because it either become a nagging/control issue or an outburst lamenting situation. Your parents (and your brother) aren't going to change. If you want change, then set it in motion. But otherwise, when you do see them... Don't worry so much. You don't have to take offense at whatever comes out of their mouths and you don't have to dole out all the personal information.
My (Japanese) mother is pretty much the same way... I've learned the whole "In one ear, out the other" method a long time ago. I also do not reveal much personal information to her because it either become a nagging/control issue or an outburst lamenting situation. Your parents (and your brother) aren't going to change. If you want change, then set it in motion. But otherwise, when you do see them... Don't worry so much. You don't have to take offense at whatever comes out of their mouths and you don't have to dole out all the personal information.
I didn't want to turn the discussion into a cultural argument. Any parent from any background can be controlling. Appreciate the understanding and I have been ignoring a lot of what been said.
Why do you need a roommate? As an adult male with a college degree and a stable job in finance? Why can't you just live by yourself? Don't you need privacy? Even a tiny apartment that was all yours would be better than having unpredictable roommates.
I do think some of the issue with your parents could be cultural. My Asian friends have always shown a strong tendency do to what their parents ask, even when it's something extreme like pay for their younger siblings to go through college. Most of my other friends, if their parents tried to make them do something like that, would tell the parents where to stick it and then not talk to them for a couple of years, just to show that they don't need the parents anymore, then try talking to them again and see if they've outgrown their controlling ways.
It was never my intention to sit here and say that Parents of other backgrounds aren't as controlling. I know that. The pressures are different when you have a controlling parent vs controlling parent of a different culture. Much different.
The culture aspect is definitely one strong part of parenting. Notice how people freely said: So, be the "horrible" son and live your life (set your boundaries). If the (different) culture aspect wasn't a big deal, OP would've/should've just said, "Yes, I really need to start doing that". But OP hasn't really addressed the whole "Be the 'horrible' son, then" and instead brings up the brother who's the "doormat" and is being praised for it (<---- Not really surprising, given... the culture aspect). Let your brother be and stop comparing.
If the OP can be brought out of his share of the house-- then get started on that and move on. If anything, the OP's come up with excuses as to why things were done the way they were done. Oh, I can't live with room-mates; I was "forced" to buy a house; Quite complicated to explain, you had to be there. It's called "complaining". Stop complaining, sell your part of the house (even if it means taking up a loss), forget the "emotional blackmail", and start living.
It was never my intention to sit here and say that Parents of other backgrounds aren't as controlling. I know that. The pressures are different when you have a controlling parent vs controlling parent of a different culture. Much different.
The culture aspect is definitely one strong part of parenting. Notice how people freely said: So, be the "horrible" son and live your life (set your boundaries). If the (different) culture aspect wasn't a big deal, OP would've/should've just said, "Yes, I really need to start doing that". But OP hasn't really addressed the whole "Be the 'horrible' son, then" and instead brings up the brother who's the "doormat" and is being praised for it (<---- Not really surprising, given... the culture aspect). Let your brother be and stop comparing.
If the OP can be brought out of his share of the house-- then get started on that and move on. If anything, the OP's come up with excuses as to why things were done the way they were done. Oh, I can't live with room-mates; I was "forced" to buy a house; Quite complicated to explain, you had to be there. It's called "complaining". Stop complaining, sell your part of the house (even if it means taking up a loss), forget the "emotional blackmail", and start living.
Tough love. Agree mostly and complaining is admitted, except I've only given a fraction of the details. Intellectually assenting to setting boundaries is the easier part and I already realized boundaries needed to be set to keep my mental health by the time I was 18. More boundaries need to be set such as in housing in addition to my career path. Parents have claimed not to intrude on my current dating situation (she's great) but I doubt their words. The harder part about dealing with the emotions and relationships within the family may very well require therapy.
I've gotten some great advice and really appreciate the input.
I didn't want to turn the discussion into a cultural argument. Any parent from any background can be controlling. Appreciate the understanding and I have been ignoring a lot of what been said.
It's not really a cultural argument, though. Chinese, yes? This is very common in Chinese culture, so you aren't going to change your parents. You have to be the one to change.
I don't see why you *need* a roommate. You are 27. You have a decent job. You should be able to find an apartment you can afford without a roommate. A small one bedroom or a studio apartment ought to be affordable for you.
I don't see why you *need* a roommate. You are 27. You have a decent job. You should be able to find an apartment you can afford without a roommate. A small one bedroom or a studio apartment ought to be affordable for you.
Except I live in SF.
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