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The only reason they are forcing you is because you are allowing it. Your pass the age of 18, you don't have to listen to them, you can't want to please them all the time.
Coercion is the more accurate term. At the time, both roommates became non-viable from the apartment I was living in. And I trusted my dad with real estate- at the time and later on realizing he had no idea what he was doing with a tenant-occupied house.
"I spent all this time searching for a fixer upper for you and you want to waste my time by saying no to a house for which we are putting most of the down payment again and again on the phone?" Sums up a lot.
Bottom line is, you made a mistake.
Your dad tried to help you during your time of need (and you let him!), now you're kicking him for it and calling him names. That isn't right.
Last edited by springfieldva; 09-24-2012 at 02:41 PM..
First of all you are 27, not 7. Your parents should not be able to force you to do anything, period. You need to live your life the way YOU want to, not their way. You need to man-up and tell them no if they try to "force" you to do something that you do not want. As far as college you were probably still in high school and a minor when which college you went to was decided. I can see with you being a minor then, that they would have some say in it, especially is they at all financially with college. You moved out and was on your own and you should have stayed that way. Now you have an ugly tenant situation, a house you don't want, and will like even less knowing you were forced to get it. I guess you are stuck with the house. Is it close to where your parents live? I hope not. As far as the tenant goes, give him a 30 day eviction notice.
I'm not clear on whether you are trying to buy or rent your own apt. I have had more than my share of roommates but by the age of 24, I lived by myself. I had a studio apt in DC (small but gorgeous, right on Capitol Hill) and when I moved to SF I had a small one bedroom (around Geary & 25th - great deal, great area). I didn't make boatloads of money, but NOT having a roommate was impt so I cut back on other things.
Anyway, onto breaking free of your parents. I also had the invisible hand of the controlling parent on my shoulder into my early 20s. I moved out at 18, but it took a while to break free (even mentally). It doesn't just stop when you distance yourself. As they saw their control slipping away, they would lay on the guilt. "We sacrificed everything for you. We came to this country for you. Is this how you repay us? You'll be sorry when we die and you realize you didn't appreciate us." On and on. I would ignore them but some of that stuff just sinks in anyway.
I've moved around a lot and haven't lived anywhere near them for years. Despite this, when I first married, they were intrusive, critical and caused a lot of strife. I distanced myself even more. Same thing when I had kids. My parents are a little better now. I see them about once a year. When they visit, it is jaw-dropping how controlling they can be (even with each other). I've been away from it so long - that what seemed normal in my family seems VERY strange (and intolerable).
I've told my parents plenty of times to back off. They always seem shocked. "We're very hands off. We don't interfere in anyone's life. We have our own things to worry about."
You will not change them, that's for sure. Who can say whether or not they'll come around? You just have to move forward and do what you want.
Try to get your own place. Ditch the roommate idea. Make it work. Drop any and all excuses and move forward.
It has been 3 years since this post. I have since moved out of San Francisco and now live in Los Angeles. I really enjoy the freedom of being so far away from my parents. The controlling parent actually got cancer in 2013 and is now a lot less controlling.
In retrospect, the most controlling period was from 2003-2013.
Thanks for all the help this community has provided. I bought the "Boundaries" book. I moved out. And my life is a lot better for it.
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