U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-18-2012, 01:14 PM
 
400 posts, read 522,885 times
Reputation: 412

Advertisements

Is there such a thing? What are the top three things you believe make someone a good parent? What are the qualifiers of a bad parent (short of what would be legally defined as abuse/neglect)? Of course there are a million small issue to discuss, but in your opinion what are the biggies?
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-18-2012, 01:29 PM
 
6,139 posts, read 6,188,540 times
Reputation: 10789
Oh my goodness. How do you even answer a question like that? Remove abuse/neglect, and it is largely a matter of what each individual values.

But in the spirit of conversation, I'll take a stab:

Good parents:
1. Instill a sense of discipline/hard work/reponsibility in the kids without crushing their spirits.
2. Makes sure the child knows they are loved, even when you have to punish them
3. Uhh... Gives them the space to make decisions for themselves where appropriate, and makes sure they learn to be responsible for their own decisions.

I'm sure I'll change my mind later, but that's what popped in my head first.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2012, 01:58 PM
 
400 posts, read 522,885 times
Reputation: 412
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinawina View Post
Oh my goodness. How do you even answer a question like that? Remove abuse/neglect, and it is largely a matter of what each individual values.

But in the spirit of conversation, I'll take a stab:

Good parents:
1. Instill a sense of discipline/hard work/reponsibility in the kids without crushing their spirits.
2. Makes sure the child knows they are loved, even when you have to punish them
3. Uhh... Gives them the space to make decisions for themselves where appropriate, and makes sure they learn to be responsible for their own decisions.

I'm sure I'll change my mind later, but that's what popped in my head first.
Kudos for trying! I know the answers will be very subjective. It is meant to take us a step back from the little arguments that often arise and consider what we are really aiming for. One of the challenges in making my list is that I want to go based on results or what the child does to measure the parent but that may not be the best measure. I see you have a great balance in each of your 3 things but still they depend somehow on the child's understanding/knowing/receiving the lessons and the love. This is tricky because at what age do you measure your parenting against your child? Some kids are horribly rebellious for years and then come back and realize their parents loved them all along and remember the lessons they were taught from the beginning. Some may never "get it". The parents actions could be the ones you described but the results can vary.

More and more I think good parenting is based on what you exemplify and not on what they learn. I also like your addition of "I'm sure I'll change my mind later" that is a common feeling I have when trying to develop a stance or idea and it is the and it is the ability to change that keeps us growing!

So here's the three I am thinking of:

1) Listen to your children, Love them, Know them, Respect them, Help them, Enjoy them.

2) Show your children how to learn, Show them how to work, Show them how to give, Show them how to apologize (by apologizing to them if needed and to others in their presence, sincerely.)

3) Correct your children. Tell them what you expect and don't ignore poor behavior. Give/allow consequences and explain how they can avoid those in the future.

I probably didn't even follow my own rules, but there we go.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2012, 02:05 PM
 
400 posts, read 522,885 times
Reputation: 412
As far as what makes a bad parent (without the abuse factor)

One who is entirely too busy for their child.

One who is "never wrong" thus never apologizes.

The "do as I say not as I do" mentality.

One who lies or manipulates their children.

One who allows fear to lead them and deprives their child of many experiences and learning opportunities.

Even as I write this it is hard for me to think of someone who IS like this all of the time. Most of these are attitudes and things anyone could slip into. They are not always things you can see from the outside (like the good parent list) but I believe the kids somehow know. So what am I missing? Any more input?
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2012, 02:08 PM
 
6,139 posts, read 6,188,540 times
Reputation: 10789
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahdeanne View Post
One of the challenges in making my list is that I want to go based on results or what the child does to measure the parent but that may not be the best measure.
Wow, that is such a great point. It's true too, sometimes the parents really don't have much to do with how the child turned out, they were doing the best they could. So maybe that shouldn't be the measure. Wow I'm really going to have to think about this. But I do like your list... I suspect I will borrow heavily from it LOL.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2012, 02:09 PM
 
14,320 posts, read 11,859,686 times
Reputation: 17797
Good:
1. Effective positive discipline aimed at teaching self discipline and problem solving skills. Recognizing the importance of self worth as a motivator for positive self image and desire to behave according to said positive self image.
2. Patience.
3. Valuing and respecting them for who they are, not trying to change them into someone else.

I fail FAR too often with step 2. It upsets me since I want to be a good parent. Getting frustrated at the kids for just being kids is not good for their sense of worth or the environment in the home. I keep plugging away at it. It has taught me a lot of apology and request for forgiveness skills. Luckily so far, they are always willing to give it.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2012, 02:26 PM
 
400 posts, read 522,885 times
Reputation: 412
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Good:
1. Effective positive discipline aimed at teaching self discipline and problem solving skills. Recognizing the importance of self worth as a motivator for positive self image and desire to behave according to said positive self image.
2. Patience.
3. Valuing and respecting them for who they are, not trying to change them into someone else.

I fail FAR too often with step 2. It upsets me since I want to be a good parent. Getting frustrated at the kids for just being kids is not good for their sense of worth or the environment in the home. I keep plugging away at it. It has taught me a lot of apology and request for forgiveness skills. Luckily so far, they are always willing to give it.
Love your post! You kept it really simple and were very clear. I like how you talked about effective parenting but still left the focus on the parenting and not on the all child's response. It IS important to be effective and to keep trying new things if you see that you clearly are not. I can really relate to your frustration. Of course we all want to be good parents but I think most of us will fall short (at least a little) of our own definitions. That was on reason I wanted to have this conversation! It is so different from the typical "I do this and this and this and you should too" that we end up doing on some topical threads.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2012, 03:38 PM
 
1,677 posts, read 2,302,606 times
Reputation: 5503
In a nutshell, I would say:
1. Parents who love their children...and not just say it, but show it.
2. Parents who provide their child's basic needs for food, clothes, shelter, medical care, education, etc.
3. Parents who teach their children what they need to survive and function in the world, and what they need to succeed. Like discipline, respect, good work ethic, values, morals, etc. The morals and values would vary with different families of course.

I would venture to say most people are "good parents" according to my standards. Some could be better, but outside of those basic things, it becomes a personal issue and none of my business. I'm not very quick to label anyone a bad parent unless they are abusive or neglectful. Different opinions or childrearing methods is not enough to qualify as a bad parent imo.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2012, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
23,707 posts, read 26,082,132 times
Reputation: 40535
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaNomus View Post
In a nutshell, I would say:
1. Parents who love their children...and not just say it, but show it.
2. Parents who provide their child's basic needs for food, clothes, shelter, medical care, education, etc.
3. Parents who teach their children what they need to survive and function in the world, and what they need to succeed. Like discipline, respect, good work ethic, values, morals, etc. The morals and values would vary with different families of course.

I would venture to say most people are "good parents" according to my standards. Some could be better, but outside of those basic things, it becomes a personal issue and none of my business. I'm not very quick to label anyone a bad parent unless they are abusive or neglectful. Different opinions or childrearing methods is not enough to qualify as a bad parent imo.
Yep.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-18-2012, 04:42 PM
 
1,516 posts, read 2,071,717 times
Reputation: 3134
Good parenting:
1. Provide a safe and loving home.
2. Try to impart good values such as basic kindness, honesty, good work ethics, etc.
3. Tries to prepare kids for a productive adulthood.

I think that we all have our hearts in the right place. We make mistakes here and there and sometimes feel like bad parents but most of us try our best and at the end of a long day, hopefully our kids realize it too.
Rate this post positively Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2021, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top