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What time are you putting them to bed? Are you sure they arent over tired? I put my 18 month old to bed at 7pm and he wakes at 8am, so really the time you try putting them to bed is KEY.
I have done this with three kids. We call it going through the tunnel.
It will not be easy for you, but it works.
First, you need a regular bedtime routine that generally includes feeding, then bath then bed.
During this routine, your demeanor should be very calm, quiet and soothing. Do not play with her and get her all riled up then try to lay her down. But you don't have to soothe her to sleep in your arms. You want her to be a little bit awake.
Then comes the hard part. She may cry when you lay her down, but that's OK. ONE PARENT should go into the room to put the baby to bed. Having both in the room is too distracting and stimulating. Pat her, LEAVE the room, then wait 3 minutes outside the door and out of her sight. If she is still crying at that time, go back in and lay her back down, pat her then LEAVE the room. Do not lay down with her, DO NOT pick her up and cuddle her. Just reestablish the routine and leave.
This time wait 5 minutes before you go back in and repeat the steps.
The point is to gradually lengthen the time that you go back in, and to teach the baby that long crying will lead only to a quick check from you. It's based on the Richard Ferber method. He has written a book if you want to check it out.
The reason we call it "going through the tunnel" is because it is VERY hard, but it does work. In fact, with one of mine the third night was pure H*LL - he cried for a 45-minute interval one night - but the next night he cried for 5 minutes, then went to sleep and never had another issue.
This is NOT a "cry it out" routine. You always are checking on your baby, but you are training them to soothe themselves to sleep, which is what they are supposed to do.
If you can stick with it, it will work. My husband had to talk me out of giving up one time, and that's when we started calling it "the tunnel." He actually said, "We're almost out of the tunnel. Why would you wnat to turn around and go back??"
Just resist the temptation to introduce bottles of milk in the crib or bring in other crutch items for her to rely on. Don't put her in your bed, don't get in hers. Just try to "get through the tunnel."
This is the same method i used when my son was 8 months old. My husband was deployed and i was at my wits end waking up 4-5 times a night. I cut the bottle out at night, did this same exact method and the 3rd night, he slept 13 hours straight. Now at 18 months old, he sleeps 13 hours over night, he wakes once usually around 1am but goes right back to sleep, and still naps 2x a day People are AMAZED when they see what we do to "put him to bed". After a fresh diaper, clothes change and a little bit of snuggling on the couch, 7pm rolls around and we walk into his room, lay him with his blanket, give him his little plushie night seahorse, and say goodnight and walk out. That's it. He's wide awake going to bed, none of the rocking to sleep, nothing. He's asleep within 10 minutes.
In addition to the suggestions above, I've also found night stroll/walks to help a lot too. All that fresh air does wear a child down fast.
I second that!!!We discovered that our daughter sleeps much better ( all the way through the night ), after a nice walk/stroll in the evening. So now, it's a regular daily routine before her bath/going to sleep.
We had a ton of success with swaddles on our kids when they were younger ..... we would definitely have a set routine and timeline that we would use to get them to bed
You also have to have some flexibility as sometimes they may be over tired or not tired at that time ... once they hit overtired things get a lot more difficult
I don't like ferberizing at that age - but that's me ..... I found it more beneficial to see what will calm them and honestly with my kids they didn't really start doing "protest cries" until at least 10 months ..... then it will get worse with the death cries of mommy or daddy and the kid trying to test their parameters
Thankfully though my kids were good sleepers, but I honestly do think a lot of that had to do with routine and a swaddle ... a little calm time, get them wrapped up in a nice calm dark environment with very little stimulation, a little bottle/breast feeding and then right to bed
What time are you putting them to bed? Are you sure they arent over tired? I put my 18 month old to bed at 7pm and he wakes at 8am, so really the time you try putting them to bed is KEY.
Oh, gosh, this reminded of my son. The only time I had problems with the crying was when he was overtired and I made sure that didn't happen more than a couple of times. It really takes a long time to calm an overstimulated baby/child down and it doesn't take that much to overstimulate a baby. I knew someone with a 4 year old that still was crying and they continued to go into his room through the night or let him in the bed with them and he continued to do it and they were both exhausted and miserable but they didn't want to just let him cry. They were kind of wishing they didn't wait until he was 4 to start seeing it as an issue since it was getting to be time to think about sending him to school. Of course, in the morning, he was not able to get up.
People are AMAZED when they see what we do to "put him to bed". After a fresh diaper, clothes change and a little bit of snuggling on the couch, 7pm rolls around and we walk into his room, lay him with his blanket, give him his little plushie night seahorse, and say goodnight and walk out. That's it. He's wide awake going to bed, none of the rocking to sleep, nothing. He's asleep within 10 minutes.
This is exactly what we do with our 5 month old right now. The keys to this easier than seems possible method, as mentioned earlier in this thread, are:
1. Establish firm "cue's" that it is bedtime. Things like a bath, a quick walk, lowering the lights, etc
2. DO NOT stimulate the baby at bedtime.
3. Be sure he is well fed before your put him down.
4. Watch for his "cue's." We give our son one "free" yawn. At the second yawn, boom, he's off to bed.
5. Normal bedtime for our son is between 6 and 7pm. He sleeps all night except for one or possibly two quick wakings for feedings. Wake time is around 7-8am. So that's 12-14 hours of sleep with no more than 2 fifteen minute wakings to be fed and changed.
6. Noise machine! Critical!
7. Woobie or blankie. Critical! Nothing else in the crib but the baby and a blanket or woobie to hold.
8. By 5 months, swaddling should be concluded. No pacifier either, if you can avoid it. They cause more trouble than solutions.
As far as crying goes, we've tried both letting them cry it out and the opposite (co-sleeping and always comforting). The only difference I can see between the two opposite methods is the level of tiredness of the parenets. But it's a choice, and neither is wrong.
My favorite sleep book is called "Healthy Sleep habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. We consider this book to be a lifesaver. Ferber is one extreme, and comfort parenting the other. Weissbluth falls somewhere in the middle (albeit a bit closer to the Ferber side).
8. By 5 months, swaddling should be concluded. No pacifier either, if you can avoid it. They cause more trouble than solutions.
yeah - i can't remember the specific time we switched from the swaddle to the sleep sack and my son is only 14 months......... this one has all been a blur and my daughter at this age a distant memory although it wasn't that long ago
My kids slept through the night at 3-4 months, although I realize all babies are different. A firm routine is essential I think. We would rock for a set time & I would lay them down. Whenever they cried after I left the room, first, I would give it a bit to see if they would settle themselves down. Often times they did. When they wouldn't stop crying, I would come in & pat their bottom, rub their belly. I would not pick them up unless absolutely necessary. We also bought a white noise maker that I truly feel made a difference in soothing the baby. It would play for 20 minutes, then shut off- ocean waves or rainfall worked well for us..
My favorite sleep book is called "Healthy Sleep habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. We consider this book to be a lifesaver. Ferber is one extreme, and comfort parenting the other. Weissbluth falls somewhere in the middle (albeit a bit closer to the Ferber side).
I think Ferber is often very misunderstood. He is spoken about often but not always read. His techniques that some folks call controlled crying is intended to solve a very specific problem. People will sometimes mistake his meaning to mean throw the kid in bed and run!
I think Ferber is often very misunderstood. He is spoken about often but not always read. His techniques that some folks call controlled crying is intended to solve a very specific problem. People will sometimes mistake his meaning to mean throw the kid in bed and run!
I just think of Weissbluth as a softer version of Ferber. But the core message is the same: babies need to learn techniques to soothe themselves to fall asleep, and crying is sometimes a part of that. Although my wife and I have learned to teach our babies to cry, and it's been very successfull for our babies (all but one of my kids learned to fall asleep with minimal crying in less than a week), it's still tough to hear your kid cry. I'm pretty sure there are biological responses in the parent that encourage them to comfort their babies when they cry. Unfortunately, it's possible that our biological response isn't what's best for the baby.
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People are AMAZED when they see what we do to "put him to bed". After a fresh diaper, clothes change and a little bit of snuggling on the couch, 7pm rolls around and we walk into his room, lay him with his blanket, give him his little plushie night seahorse, and say goodnight and walk out. That's it. He's wide awake going to bed, none of the rocking to sleep, nothing. He's asleep within 10 minutes.
