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I'm 26, a lesbian, and have not come out to my parents, although there have been some subtle and not-so-subtle signs for years that I may be homosexual. In a recent phone convo with mom, she said "...because when you meet a special person, I don't want you to take them for granted".
When she said that, shivers went up my spine and I had to get off the phone. I've struggled with my sexuality for years, developed panic and anxiety disorders, and been depressed. I feel the only way out of ths suffering is to come out to the people I love most... But I'm scared.
The most hurtful aspect of al this is that I feel I'd be a disappointment not because of something I did, but because of who i am. Something intrinsic, that could never be changed. The thought that I may be seen as a disappointment or not looked at the same by my parents is what I find so nerve wracking.
I don't know if your Mom knows based on the words she said. There is a good chance she knows or suspects just because she is your Mom and she knows you so well. If one of my daughters told me she was gay it would not change the way I feel about them. I would not be disappointed. I would be happy that they felt like they could trust me and tell me. I hope your Mom feels the same way. It sounds like it will provide you some relief to tell her so I hope you can work up the courage to do so. I hope that she is open and accepting. Hugs to you.
I'm not gay so I can only provide 2nd hand from my gay friends who have done this ... I know there are other support forums, etc that may be a bit more helpful
My college roomate came out just after college - I suspected, but my other roomates didn't .... his family did .... interestingly enough we all thought his sister was a lesbian, but she isn't ...... his family was fine with it and when we got together for a buddies wedding the next year he found out that we were all fine with it - although it wasn't a topic of conversation or anything ... it was still just our buddy
My really good friend growing up just came out in his early 30s ... he lived with his parents until recently and his mom was a very strong influence in his life ..... she is very strong minded, religious, etc .... his dad is a bit quiet, but every now and again his former military life comes out and he can get pretty stern
We also lived in a very small town and he was scared to death
He was overwhelmed by how supportive everyone was and his parents ended up not being shocked - but were curious as to when he knew ...... their basic POV was that they wished he felt comfortable sooner and didn't live so long on his own with it
First time I spoke with him he was just starting to date and mentioned his dad was upset he was using match.com - I asked if he was upset about online dating or looking to date a man ........ my buddy was very clear it was just the online portion, predator concern, generation gap, etc and that his dad was fine with the other
If you have a good relationship with your parents there is a chance they have an idea ..... there is a better chance they are going to be supportive & loving ... they may be disapointed in that you may have a tougher road or that they may be limited in grandchildren, etc ....... it's emotional for everyone from what I can tell
However, there is no need to carry around the burden and your mom is right - it would be a shame to miss a good mate in the world, especially if the only reason is because you are afraid to come out ..... you need to start taking control & direction of your life ....... you can't live in the shadows waiting for a clear symbol that they will be accepting or just waiting for them to die so you can be comfortable
Be honest - the reaction is going to be what it is - either today or down the road ....... might as well get on with it and get on with life .... while there are horror stories, even if the reaction is bad it just gives them more time to deal with it ..... if the reaction is good it's more freedom to all of your lives
My buddy from back home just moved in with his partner and his parents like the guy
I think she knows. I think she probably has known for years. Dont be ashamed. Will she be disapointed? Maybe. But I think it will be a "oh you chose this university over my favorite" type of dispointment not the "oh I should write her off" kind. You are who you are. Embrace it and those around you will too. If not screw them.
Obviously, I don't know you or your mom, but my guess is that if your mom is letting your conversations wander into such a personal zone (relationship talk), she knows and is opening a door for you. As a mom, I just think that us moms know more that we could ever put into words about our children's souls.
I think she is reaching out - take her lead and trust her to love you as much as you love her.
I will send positive thoughts for strength your way.
Yes, your mom probably knows or at least very strongly suspects that you are gay. She probably has known, or suspected, for several years. My daughter has many friends who are GLBT and everyone of them said that they felt better about themselves once they were open with their family. Obviously, I don't know your family but if they loved you before they will continue to love you once you tell them.
Your mother probably knows. My guess is that she is trying to get you to tell her yourself. I can say that as a parent I would love my kids no matter their sexuality. Unless your parents have given you an idea that being a lesbian would be unacceptable I would consider telling them as soon as possible. I am not a professional but I would imagine that getting this issue off your chest would help you minimize the anxiety.
Agree your Mom already knows alexiana....don't stress over it...be happy...that's what most moms want for their daughters...you just have to believe it.
My son came out when he was 17 yrs old, and I was disappointed that he waited so long. I always wondered, but I didn't know for sure. I always made sure that he KNEW that it wouldn't change the way we feel about him. The #1 hint from him was this: from the time he was a small child, when I asked him if he thought he would get married and have children when he was older, he always said no. So, I never built up the fantasy in my head of him leading a traditional Dad-Mom-kids lifestyle. As a result, I was not overwhelmed with the grief of losing that when he came out.
My questions for the OP : Have your parents made it clear that they would still be accepting of you? Do they talk about you marrying a man and starting a family? What is your greatest fear that their reaction will be?
I wonder if you are the type that strives for perfection and you feel like this would result in your image taking a step down. If so, tell them as soon as possible. I think the only thing that could disappoint them is the idea that you didn't feel comfortable opening yourself up to them.
I can't say if your mother suspects or not either, but, as a parent, I would honestly want my child to share that with me.
By what you've written OP, I'm not sure you yourself are comfortable with your sexuality. I would encourage you to embrace it before you expect your parents to.
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