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As a teacher the sheer number of kids who want an undeserved better grade who are appalled when I don't comply boggles my mind. Yes, I understand you want an A instead of an A- but you deserve an A- and I'm not changing your grade. I have about a dozen parents/kids requesting I look at their grades again because they don't like the final grade in my in box right now (others will go right to the principal with their complaints). Most of them will argue with me when I reply that the grade is calculated correctly.
I am not surprised: "entitled" and narcissistic parents raise "entitled" and narcissistic kids.
It's a vicious cycle, isn't it?
Absolutely. I am the father you're the kid. I know better and you obey. The world is full of kids with no discipline, who think they are equal with adults hence no respect.
Because parents want to be their kids best friend, some teachers also want to be the students best friend.
I tell my kids that right now I am their parent and it is my job to teach them. When they get to be adults, then I will be their friend.
I have been complemented so many times on my kids ; they are 12 and 13 and respect is a huge part of our teaching.They are always the first ones to help, to hold doors,
Growing up, I always felt like my parents were also my friends, but they also taught me to open doors, respect people, etc. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. In fact, I think that in being friends with their children, parents show their children how to respect other people, and children then learn how to be respectful from that.
I respect people that I don't obey. All the time. Equating obedience makes absolutely no sense. I respect my boss a great deal. I sure as hell don't obey him. When he is wrong, I tell him. The fact that I can do that is part of the reason I respect him. For example. My hsband has great respect for me. But he does not obey me. If you look at a definition of respect:
"A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements."
Obedience seems to me to be the very last thing that will engender respect. I don't think respect is what you are striving for at all. I think obedience is the end goal in itself. I am the father, thou shalt obey me! That is not respect. That it cowed, forced behavior.
A better question is where did they learn their disrespectful behavior from?
I find that we have a very self centered younger generation (actually mutliple younger generations). When you grow up thinking of yourself first, there's no reason to show respect to anyone. After all, you are the only one who counts. This is what happens when everyone thinks they are special.
I think everyone is special, and therefore, everyone is worthy of a base level of respect. My respect for others and myself is rooted in the fact that we are all special in our own way.
Ivory has been posting her issues here for quite awhile. I wish the best for her family. I believe getting professional help would be beneficial.
Is that what you meant by:
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
Look in the mirror. Get help. Truly.
LOL. Do you really think this was just a friendly advice? LOL To me it sounded more like a personal attack...
That's the problem with kids nowadays: they have parents who never grew up themselves and cover their emotional immaturity with all the quotations they can find. I have a friend teaching elementary school and the stories she tells about the parents are even more entertaining than stories about kids.
Last edited by trialbyfire; 07-05-2012 at 07:13 AM..
I think everyone is special, and therefore, everyone is worthy of a base level of respect. My respect for others and myself is rooted in the fact that we are all special in our own way.
When EVERYBODY is special, NOBODY really is. Everybody is unique but saying everybody is special is absurd as it defies the definition of being special. Unless you mean that everybody is "special in our own way" which does not really mean ANYTHING.
Young generation was brought up on this psychobabble absurd and now is are raising kids. Scary.
Last edited by trialbyfire; 07-05-2012 at 07:13 AM..
Actually it can be. What matters is what MOST parents do. THAT is what will be accepted by the peer group. Up until about age 6, parents are the primary influence. Kids are not clean slates when they form that peer group. If it is the norm to think you're a special snowflake, to expect your parents to applaud mediocracy then that is what will be accepted as normal by the peer group. Even though I have never treated my children as special or told them they are special, dd#1 has issues stemming from her belief that she's just special (or should be anyway). I didn't teach her that. Her peer group did.
Dd#2 escaped this because she ended up in Yamaha piano school (because she's talented). Those kids compete. Special means something (for example, one girl placed in a national competition recently...she gets special status) and most of them are not special within the group. It's the norm to not be special and it's the norm to work at it if you want to be recognized. So, that's what dd#2 does. Unfortunately, dd#1 didn't have the interest or the talent to stay in piano classes. She identified with a peer group where parents didn't make you do things you didn't want to. Dd#2 would have too but we were lucky that she saw that her talent got her attention. And besides, her talent allows her to stand out at school and other places where kids think they are special snowflakes. She has a real talent that allows her to really be special. I wish I knew then what I know now with dd#1. I would have done things differently to make sure the right peer group was influencing her.
Oh for goodness' sake. You constantly confuse "special" with "exceptional". Everyone (hopefully) is special to their family and friends. My husband is special to me in a way that he isn't to others. As is my child. A person that doesn't feel special to their immediate family is likely to have issues of low self worth and esteem.
What you're talking about here is being exceptional at a specific discipline. In order to stand out amongst a class of piano players and take home prizes, you need to be an exceptional musician. Excelling and being special are not the same thing, nor are they interchangeable. Should your daughter suddenly slip behind in piano compared to other kids, I'm sure she'll still be special to you, but she'll just no longer be exceptional compared to her musician peers.
I can see how you'd have problems with children who've been told they're exceptional in comparison to the rest of the human race when they are not. Some children are however, although at something specific, it doesn't mean they are a superior human being in general. I believe this is where parents go wrong, they encourage the thinking that because their child is exceptional at something (or most things, even) that they are therefore a superior human being. That is obviously not the case, if you're an Olympic gold medalist but a general A hole, then things aren't going to bode well for you.
It's important that kids and adults alike feel special to someone, though. If you don't, then you're going to be lonely, feel rejected, probably act out in some way. Almost everyone needs to be special in some way to somebody. That's just how human beings work. Not very many people are actually exceptional. And if you set kids up to think they are when they aren't, then yes you're setting them up for a rude awakening in adulthood.
I think everyone is special, and therefore, everyone is worthy of a base level of respect. My respect for others and myself is rooted in the fact that we are all special in our own way.
I agree with this to the degree I think I understand what you mean. Each person is a valuable individual with the value and dignity afforded all human beings.
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