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I promise you...they care. And they appreciate a supportive parent. I do make an effort to see my kids...that keeps the connection. I send crazy off the wall weird gifts...I sent my son 5 lbs of salt water taffy...I send crazy postcards....and "un Mom like" birthday cards...just to make them laugh. A few weeks ago I saw my daughter...and....she was wearing a necklace I made for her...years ago. So....I promise you....they may not call....but you are still there.
Thank you. Maybe it's time to mail her a little something.
I actually think I've been pretty supportive for the most part.
I was not too upset about her losing the scholarship. I lot of stuff was going on and I thought it was too much pressure on her. I didn't get mad at her for that.
I do get mad at her sometimes for other things. Like the fact that she was supposed to officially withdraw from college even though she lost her schollarship and when I reminded her she basically shrugged it off. Now we are getting a bill from the college even though she didn't attend a single class.
I didn't go off on her about it, but I did tell her that she needs to handle it. I think they won't go after her for the money if she contacts professor and provides some type of proof that she did not attend.
Of course I don't agree with every single choice she makes, but I do respect that they are her choices to make. I've always felt that some people have to learn things their own way.
Maybe she "senses" a certain amount of disapproval, or even imagines it, but for the most part I just try to love her and have faith that whatever path she takes, she will turn out okay in the end.
I've really tried to make her understand that I truly do love her unconditionally. I've even come out and asked her at times if there's anything I've done to hurt her that she needs to talk about. She's said no. I hope that's true.
I've had my moments through the years with losing my temper. She was a headstrong girl to raise, but no matter what happened, I always told her that I love her.
I am hoping this is just a brief period where she just needs some space. I guess time will tell.
I actually think I've been pretty supportive for the most part.
I was not too upset about her losing the scholarship. I lot of stuff was going on and I thought it was too much pressure on her. I didn't get mad at her for that.
I do get mad at her sometimes for other things. Like the fact that she was supposed to officially withdraw from college even though she lost her schollarship and when I reminded her she basically shrugged it off. Now we are getting a bill from the college even though she didn't attend a single class.
I didn't go off on her about it, but I did tell her that she needs to handle it. I think they won't go after her for the money if she contacts professor and provides some type of proof that she did not attend.
Of course I don't agree with every single choice she makes, but I do respect that they are her choices to make. I've always felt that some people have to learn things their own way.
Maybe she "senses" a certain amount of disapproval, or even imagines it, but for the most part I just try to love her and have faith that whatever path she takes, she will turn out okay in the end.
I've really tried to make her understand that I truly do love her unconditionally. I've even come out and asked her at times if there's anything I've done to hurt her that she needs to talk about. She's said no. I hope that's true.
I've had my moments through the years with losing my temper. She was a headstrong girl to raise, but no matter what happened, I always told her that I love her.
I am hoping this is just a brief period where she just needs some space. I guess time will tell.
And it's totally understandable. I'd likely do the same in your position. I just wanted to give you my take on the flip-side. May she, herself, is disappointed in where her life is heading and the last thing she wants is to be reminded of that. Maybe try and set up a lunch date with her like someone above suggested, and just keep it fun and social, without bringing to light any of the recent drama. It may help to cultivate the relationship without all the pressure.
That is true...when I talk to my kids I am always positive and up beat. I don't go into drama...if there are important things to discuss...we leave those. For the last ten minutes of a call...I don't guilt trip them ever when they do call...oh...maybe for a minute....but I am so over the top about it...they laugh.
And it's totally understandable. I'd likely do the same in your position. I just wanted to give you my take on the flip-side. May she, herself, is disappointed in where her life is heading and the last thing she wants is to be reminded of that. Maybe try and set up a lunch date with her like someone above suggested, and just keep it fun and social, without bringing to light any of the recent drama. It may help to cultivate the relationship without all the pressure.
Best of luck to you!
She lives too far and I don't have the financial means to set up a lunch date. But I do thank you for your perspective. You raise a lot of valid questions.
I'm hoping (pretty sure) that this is temporary. I just get a little insecure, when I lose touch with her.
That is true...when I talk to my kids I am always positive and up beat. I don't go into drama...if there are important things to discuss...we leave those. For the last ten minutes of a call...I don't guilt trip them ever when they do call...oh...maybe for a minute....but I am so over the top about it...they laugh.
What do you mean "we leave those"? At some point you do have to discuss the important stuff, right? How do you (personally) balance that? If you can be more specific, i'd appreciate it.
Then how about just getting together to do free fun stuff - hang out downtown, have coffee, ice-cream, go "window shopping," go to a museum, the park, the beach . . .don't know where you live but there are lots of free ways to hang out . . .
What interests do you two have in common? Focus on those.
I can't afford the gas for a 13 hour drive or the airplane ticket to get there to take her out to lunch. Sorry, I guess I failed to be more specific, when I said I couldn't afford it.
We did see her a few weeks ago and the visit was okay. We went to my nephews graduation. We drove up to my sisters house and my daughter drove over too. It was a nice visit. I would have liked some alone time with her, but it didn't work out that way.
Thanks for the suggestions imcurious, we did used to do those types of things, plus lunch, when she lived at home and for the short while when she moved out but still loved closer to home than she does now.
when her relationship fails, when she needs money, when she is sick and alone she will get in touch. Don't say "I told you so" and just be there for her. It may take a year or two unless you two had a serious battle and falling out, just be patient.
The mother/daughter relationship has to be the most complex human relationship there is.
I can't afford the gas for a 13 hour drive or the airplane ticket to get there to take her out to lunch. Sorry, I guess I failed to be more specific, when I said I couldn't afford it.
We did see her a few weeks ago and the visit was okay. We went to my nephews graduation. We drove up to my sisters house and my daughter drove over too. It was a nice visit. I would have liked some alone time with her, but it didn't work out that way.
Thanks for the suggestions imcurious, we did used to do those types of things, plus lunch, when she lived at home and for the short while when she moved out but still loved closer to home than she does now.
Sorry. Hope you figure something out . . .can she come to your town maybe - or meet half way?
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