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If now is not the right time, then don't do it. I think attitudes change as circumstances change, and you can always make a different decision at a different time. At different stages of life, and with a different partner your feelings may change.
People seem to feel the need to make a black or white decision about having children. I don't really understand it as it seems to cause so much stress and anxiety.
Hi everyone,
I've been on the fence on whether or not to have kids and I wanted to ask fathers whether or not it is a decision they regret.
The reason I am asking for input from fathers is that feedback from mothers indicates they are 100% in favor of having children. Since the roles of mothers and fathers are held in such varying levels of esteem in our society, I'm wondering how many fathers feel the same way..or if they have a different take they are willing to share.
Thank you for sharing whatever thoughts you want to on your experience. No flames or trolls please, this is a serious question.
What does your wife want?
Also you have to consider your own lifestyle -- do you like traveling overseas often, prefer living in the city, dislike pets and all clutter?
Or do you like activities that families enjoy? Sports, camping, hiking? Activities that men enjoy doing with their kids? How was your relationship with your own dad? Was he involved and fun? Or distant and cold?
I am a parent. I always wanted to be one. I couldn't wait to grow up and have my own. As a matter of fact, there was an article in the paper where a 9 year old girl in Africa had a baby... I was 10 and soooo jealous!
Then I had kids... and quickly decided that I didn't want 12 - 2 is enough, thank you.
If you have ANY doubts, you should not have kids. It's not fair to them. (I know the politically correct thing to say is "and you", but as it would be your choice either way, then either way the decision is fair for you)
Agreed with most. My 'lil' sis and her hubby have decided not to have kids. Hubby's older sis and her hubby did the same, but, they had a son, and, um, overkill is what I'll say. They still have one, very tended to kiddo.
I will say that I have never equated loving a man with wanting to be a parent- and putting the majority or all of my resources, time, energy and relationship into being with and raising a child. For me, it has never been about "meeting the right man." One data point.
See, I'm a parent of three, and I was with you until you said this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetana3
Some say we are selfish but I think they are jealous and the world already has too many people.
What is right for you is right for YOU, and it doesn't have to be to the detriment of others.
It doesn't mean that your decision is better than someone else's. It's better for you.
OP, having kids is simultaneously the worst thing that ever happened to me and the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
It can be incredibly difficult and unimaginably rewarding.
When considering parenthood, there are standard doubts about your ability and then there's serious hesitation. If you have ANY of those serious doubts, hold off.
My husband and I were both on the fence when we got married. We thought we could see our lives either way. We figured if we decided not to have them we would just spoil ourselves rotten - see the world, do every little thing we ever wanted to do. So we did that for several years and then decided that we wanted one. My husband knows having our son is the best thing that has ever or will ever happen to him. He tells me every day how lucky he is to have him. So I know of at least one guy who was on the fence and is now head over heels in love. I was nervous about it, but still sure. I wouldn't do it if I wasn't sure. Because I love it - but it's completely absorbing.
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