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my 21 year old daughter will be going to the county jail for five months
I don't have any sympathy about her going to jail(because she committed the crime so I feel she must do the time, also it might be a good learning experience and toughen her up) but I do wonder how it is like there. I hear that jail guards turn a blind eye to prisoners who get assaulted or attacked, is this true?
Is there anything I can do to help her prepare herself for this?
county jail, she is going to, not prison. I don't know if that changes anything
I don't think there's much you can do to help her get ready. Make sure her vaccinations are up to date...my MIL worked in a county jail and caught hepatitis.
my 21 year old daughter will be going to the county jail for five months
I don't have any sympathy about her going to jail(because she committed the crime so I feel she must do the time, also it might be a good learning experience and toughen her up) but I do wonder how it is like there. I hear that jail guards turn a blind eye to prisoners who get assaulted or attacked, is this true?
Is there anything I can do to help her prepare herself for this?
county jail, she is going to, not prison. I don't know if that changes anything
NO! When I read the title of this thread, I couldn't help but wonder if you're helped her get where she is by helping her too much. She's 21. She's made a mess and she has to pay the piper. It's HER mess not yours. It's HER responsibility to get ready to go to jail NOT YOURS. She's 21. Quit treating her like a child. It's up to her to get ready to go to jail.
Do her a favor and let her face this alone. Let her learn what she needs to learn from this lesson.
Sorry to seem harsh but BTDT with my step son. Let her clean up their own messes and don't bail her out or make the consequences easier for her. You are not doing her any favors if you do.
Support her by listening when she wants to talk but DO NOT set about making this easier for her.
My best friend's daughter was thrown in jail for a second DUI. Scared her totally. Friend had gone to AlAnon to learn how to relate to daughter's drinking and problems. They showed her how to step back and let her daughter grow up. Her daughter got into a diversion program which was so hard to do that almost no one made it thru. She worked hard to meet the requirements and was successful and had the DUI removed.
ps: My friend was a lawyer and knew that if she was the one who fixed the issue, it would not fix her daughter's real problems.
You can be her outside support but you need to learn the boundaries to a healthy relationship and just how much to do or help her with. Perhaps AlAnon would help you to.
If your daughter was sentenced to 5 months in county jail she will do about 3 1/2 months (10 days off per month for good bahavor). There are ALOT of low lifes in jail & maybe she can ask to be put into protective custody. Crimes do occur in jail & i hope shes not a victim. Im a realist & i dont sugar coat anything. If she has a bad attitude it will be a tough jail sentence. What was her crime ?
Is there anything I can do to help her prepare herself for this?
Are you going to be there for her when she gets out? Help her get her life back on track? Be her cheering section and support her efforts to find a job?
If so, tell her that. Make sure she knows there's someone waiting for her when she comes out.
(This also involves urging her to use this time to think about where she went wrong and to think about what SHE is going to do to change her life. Make sure she knows you'll help and support but that won't include letting her live in your basement for the next 20 years. She should know you're her cheering section, not her check book.)
My brother got out of a 1 year stint in jail about 6 months ago. There is a lot of craziness (at least on the male side) physical fights, smuggling, gangs etc. Scared him straight. He's been living in a half way house for the past 6 months. They got him a job and are going to help him get back in college. He dropped out after getting his AA (translation-cant get a normal job to save his life). He goes to addiction meetings twice a week. Has to meet with his probation officer and his supervisors.
You cant let her come back and live with you after her release. You need to find some sort of half way living situation for her where she is forced to attend meetings, take classes, talk to kids like her (worse then her) etc. She needs to get her act together and become an active member of society again. Smothering mothers need to let their children hit rock bottom in order to figure things out themselves. Took my mom almost 5 years of his addiction to figure that out, but she finally did let him hit his lowest low.
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