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If you do stay home....I did volunteer work one day a week...in my field. This kept me current, I still had a professional network, and enjoyed helping out. It pretty much paved the way for me to go back to work....I did not even have to look for a job....just told my supervisor I was ready for working full time...hired that day. I also took classes to stay current as well. So...even as a SAHM...I stayed current in my work persona. Which I think is important.
I have stayed home, worked part time, and also did a short stint of full time for a while. They all have pros and cons. For me, when I was home there were times I thought I'd lose my mind. When I worked part time, and came home after working all weekend to find the house a wreck because I wasn't there to "keep things on track" I though I'd lose my mind. When I worked full time and spent a ton of time getting everyone ready in the morning to drop off at school and daycare and then have to leave work to go pick a sick kid up, I thought I'd lose my mind. My situtation is different because I do have 4 kids and a husband that travels most weeks for work so there were a lot of times that it was all up to me. After having done all three options, I think it is easiest to stay home. It's wonderful to bond, "grow" with your baby, and set your own routine. There's a lot of time in the future to join the rat race again. However, my kids are 13 down to 6, and I laugh - because I am actually thinking of going back to work full time now, and I will say, I enjoy my time with them so much more now, especially after school. I am really going to miss it. They love having me home to be there when they get home, and you wouldn't think that hour or so would be so important.
I think you have to make your decision and then try not to think too much about the other options. Live in the moment, enjoy whatever you choose - sooner than you think they are in their early teens and giving you the occassional eye-roll.
So??? My dil has 5 children to look after. My neice has 3 under 2. People can care for more than one child at a time. Is there some rule that says a child needs a 1:1 caregiver? .
The difference is that the mother actually CARES about those multiple children. I know, I know...you don't think feelings, age, experience, etc, affect quality of care.
There are pros, there are cons. Like I've said, you have to weigh what's important to YOU.
And pay attention to the experiences of others - not just other posters opinions on what they might feel if they someday became a parent.
Parents who choose to sah have had experiences that those who chose not to will never understand. I have an acquaintance who tries to compare sah situations with me... of course, she chose to stay home after her youngest began kindergarten. Not the same thing when you're not home with them all day, everday. When I had to go back to work after years of staying home, it was rough - yes, I made less money than when I had stopped working 11 years prior. My kids and husband had a difficult time transitioning to me not being available to them, as did all the places and people I volunteered with when I stayed at home. I missed it terribly too - I hated feeling rushed all the time and having to jam in things like laundry and house cleaning rather than spending time with the kids. When I found this opportunity to work from home, it was a miracle! My boss respects my dedication to my family, his wife stays at home and told me that although the other 4 who work for him want to wah as well, he knows that it's more important to me than to them - and a happy employee is a productive employee.
Having a child changes your perspective in a way that those who choose not to be parents will never understand. And I will never understand why someone who hasn't had a child spends their time in a parenting forum, giving 'advice' on something they know nothing about.
I agree that a happy employee is a productive employee. I chose to work for my employer because she understands the importance of putting family first. My co-workers do, too.
However, I disagree that working parents can never understand the experiences of SAH parents. Those that you refer to probably have completely different values from you.
I would never in a million years say that your desire to watch your child's first steps is not that important in the grand scheme of things. Anybody who does say that simply doesn't know how to respect the values of other people.
However, you make it seem like those who don't watch their child's first steps are the worst parents ever. That is no different from that kind of person.
I have stayed home, worked part time, and also did a short stint of full time for a while. They all have pros and cons. For me, when I was home there were times I thought I'd lose my mind. When I worked part time, and came home after working all weekend to find the house a wreck because I wasn't there to "keep things on track" I though I'd lose my mind. When I worked full time and spent a ton of time getting everyone ready in the morning to drop off at school and daycare and then have to leave work to go pick a sick kid up, I thought I'd lose my mind. My situtation is different because I do have 4 kids and a husband that travels most weeks for work so there were a lot of times that it was all up to me. After having done all three options, I think it is easiest to stay home. It's wonderful to bond, "grow" with your baby, and set your own routine. There's a lot of time in the future to join the rat race again. However, my kids are 13 down to 6, and I laugh - because I am actually thinking of going back to work full time now, and I will say, I enjoy my time with them so much more now, especially after school. I am really going to miss it. They love having me home to be there when they get home, and you wouldn't think that hour or so would be so important.
I think you have to make your decision and then try not to think too much about the other options. Live in the moment, enjoy whatever you choose - sooner than you think they are in their early teens and giving you the occassional eye-roll.
I agree that a happy employee is a productive employee. I chose to work for my employer because she understands the importance of putting family first. My co-workers do, too.
However, I disagree that working parents can never understand the experiences of SAH parents. Those that you refer to probably have completely different values from you.
I would never in a million years say that your desire to watch your child's first steps is not that important in the grand scheme of things. Anybody who does say that simply doesn't know how to respect the values of other people.
However, you make it seem like those who don't watch their child's first steps are the worst parents ever. That is no different from that kind of person.
I'm not saying they're bad parents, just that they obviously have different priorities and values than me. When reading something, we often project our own emotions on the writing of others. I didn't make any judgement statements about their choices, just that they made them. YOU said they are the worst parents ever. I acknowledged we have different values and priorities. YOUR perspection changed what I wrote, in your mind.
As to the first steps comment made by the other poster, once I realized they had never been a parent, it made more sense. Would you eat at restaurant A or B based on a review of someone who had never BEEN to restaurant A or B? Of course not - their opinion would be meaningless.
As to the 'multiple babies' thing - when a woman has multiple infants at once, it's expected that she'll need outside/additional help. Twins, maybe a few hours; triplets - definitely need two pairs of hands, quads or above - communities volunteer and set up schedules to help the new mother.
But a 4 infants to 1 adult ratio is common in daycares, though depending on the area you live in, the law says it's okay for 5:1 or even 6:1.
It's an unfortunate truth that many people use their children to find their own sense of importance. It's one of the problems with parenting these days. Children don't make us important, they make us responsible.
That may be your unfortunate truth but believe it or not there are many valid reasons why a mother would choose to stay home with her children. I"m sorry that you are unable or unwilling to even try to understand that.
As to the 'multiple babies' thing - when a woman has multiple infants at once, it's expected that she'll need outside/additional help. Twins, maybe a few hours; triplets - definitely need two pairs of hands, quads or above - communities volunteer and set up schedules to help the new mother.
But a 4 infants to 1 adult ratio is common in daycares, though depending on the area you live in, the law says it's okay for 5:1 or even 6:1.
Sorry, but you are comparing apples to oranges with your examples. Part of the reason that you need help at home for multiples involve things that the day care doesn't do such as bathing the children, doing the mountain of laundry, washing all the baby bottles, etc. The 4 to 1 day care provider feeds, changes, plays with and puts the babies down for a nap. Also, when my children were in kindergarten and went to a day care I know that their center shuffled the schedules around so that an extra person would be in the infant room at feeding time and to help with diaper changes or if one of the infants needed extra attention that day (perhaps while the toddlers were napping, or the director left her paperwork to help out every day at lunch time).
I'm a teacher as well. I stayed home with my first until he was 4 months and my second until she was 6 months old. After that we hired a babysitter to come to our house to care for them. We found great women who each stayed for one to three years. I know that some people had problems with a constantly stream of changing babysitters but we didn't. We paid them well and treated them like members of the family and they provided great service (and also did light house keeping when they had a chance).
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