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Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
6,489 posts, read 8,807,548 times
Reputation: 17514
Quote:
Originally Posted by planedition
I hope you all will chime in and advise me. I am trying to figure out whether I am being taken advantage of as a host. Can you please tell me what you all expect from house guests in your own homes?
A few weeks ago I had house guests for 10 days. A family of 5: 2 adults, 3 kids. My sister-in-law from out of town and her kids and the hubby. How they behaved is still bothering the #### out of me.
Am I expected to accept the following as normal house guest behavior?
Kids allowed to run amuck around my house, slamming furniture and doors. Using my computer, other devices at will without asking for permission. Basically, the parents use the stay in my house to “tune out” their kids and let them go bonkers.
^^^ Completely unacceptable
No alone time with the adults. The kids are awake from 7am to midnight (they have no bedtimes), and there is never any time spent as adults without these kids. Basically the parents act as though the kids (ages 6, 7, 8) are supposed to be involved in all activities (they treat these kids like they are adults and their "friends" instead of like KIDS) and dictate what the agenda is. Extremely annoying. I have no kids, and after a couple days, I really have no interest in entertaining them whatsoever. I just want them to shut up and disappear.
^^^ I would be annoyed, but some people are like that...not me, though.
They did 7 loads (at least) of laundry (without asking for permission) and did not offer to give us money for water, electric, soap costs.
^^^ I would never even consider asking a guest to pay me for the cost of doing laundry.
They ate all of our food and did not offer to buy groceries or dinner. One day they did pay for half of a meal for me (not my hubby).
^^^ When my sister and her kids come we pay for all of the food. She usually takes us out for a meal or two.
They never washed a single dish.
They never swept a single crumb off the floor.
^^^ Sis and the kids help out in the kitchen and with whatever else needs doing.
Basically during these visits I am a cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring slave, and likely out several hundred dollars to boot.
Is this acceptable house guest behavior? If so, I will have to limit the duration of these visits.
As some background information, I am the kind of person who never allows anyone to pay for anything, always cleans up after myself, would never go to someone’s home and eat their food or use their appliances, etc. NEVER. NOT EVEN in my relatives’ homes.
I guess when I say "make yourself at home" what I really mean is "make yourself at home but don't take advantage of me."
When we go to visit we never, ever stay with family as we value our privacy. We always find a nice hotel close by and have alone time after visiting.
To me it sounds as both sides here missed the mark. If you ask a family to come and kids are part of the deal then its going to be rowdy esp. if the kids are young and depending on what parenting style the parents fall into. Kids are loud and lots of parents want to enjoy the children and have gotten use to having the kids around 24/7. If you asked them to make yourself at home then it sounds like they did and you can not be upset at that, you asked for it. When I invite a clan over, we know there are meals to be made,dishes etc and that usually includes laundry was this your first time hosting them?
It is expected that the host will feed a guest. It is also expected that the guests will take the host family out for a meal, probably 2 meals for a 10 day visit.
It is beyond tacky to ask houseguests to pay for their own food.
It is expected that the host will feed a guest. It is also expected that the guests will take the host family out for a meal, probably 2 meals for a 10 day visit.
It is beyond tacky to ask houseguests to pay for their own food.
That's the point - the host shouldn't have to ASK. The guests should offer.
It is expected that the host will feed a guest. It is also expected that the guests will take the host family out for a meal, probably 2 meals for a 10 day visit.
It is beyond tacky to ask houseguests to pay for their own food.
I would never ASK guests to pay for food. But if they were there that long and offered or wanted certain things - I absolutely let them.
I actually find it tacky that someone would be there that long and not offer to run to the store. At least for basic stuff. Guess my family is a bit different though - we all pitch in and realize it's a nice thing to do while staying at someone's home.
They should not have let their kids run amok or use your computer. They also should have bought some of their own food and/or taken you out for dinner at least a couple of times.
Bedtimes are hard; kids don't usually go to bed well in unfamiliar surroundings, and on vacation, they're probably accustomed to staying up late. That really depends on the family.
I would expect guests to do laundry and would not expect them to pay for laundry detergent. I would also expect to feed them dinner most nights... that's part of having houseguests. I would hope that they'd buy their kids' snacks and things like that.
I would expect them to occasionally pick up a broom or load the dishwasher. If it were family, I'd probably ask if they didn't take it upon themselves to help.
I agree that childless couples probably are not the best hosts for families with young children; they're just not familiar with and tolerant of normal childish behavior when confronted with it 24 hours per day. Obviously there are exceptions, and being destructive should not be considered normal. Kids running in the house sometimes, being loud, and being underfoot are just par for the course, though. Reminders are often necessary, and the parents should be on top of it, but if kids are allowed to be loud in their own home, then they might not even realize that it's bothering you.
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Reminders are often necessary, and the parents should be on top of it, but if kids are allowed to be loud in their own home, then they might not even realize that it's bothering you.