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One thing I can't stand...my parents aren't TOO bad, but I'm very independent and I resent them trying to impose their values on me. I do understand they mean well, and I definitely can learn from them, but there's a line you cross when you think that your experience applies 100% to your child's. You think just because you made a mistake, your child will make the same, or that if something applies to you, it will apply to your child. Some parents like to think their children are carbon copies of them but some don't realize they are separate people, with different personalities, goals, values.etc. If I have children I'll try to support them, give advice, without being so judgemental, trying to tell them what to do, and then childishly telling them 'I told you so' when things go wrong. I just resent people trying to control other people's lives or being such know-it-alls.
How can they tell what to do all the time when you're independent and living in your own place, paying all your own bills, taking care of yourself? Do they come over to your house to tell you what to do? Do they just wait for you to come visit them and then start telling you what to do?
How can they tell what to do all the time when you're independent and living in your own place, paying all your own bills, taking care of yourself? Do they come over to your house to tell you what to do? Do they just wait for you to come visit them and then start telling you what to do?
There are folks who do that sort of thing to their indepent adult children. No matter how well the grown child has their act together, these parents find room to criticize. Or at the very least, the parents withold their approval and support from their kids.
I don't know why they do that to their kids. But I've heard too many stories to know that it does happen. I would imagine it gets very old in a hurry..
Post no further, you're young, you're wrong and your feelings are unjust due to your age....or so you'll be told here.
Exactly! Because this board is full of MATURE people who don't fall for the endless whining, crying "My mommie is sooo mean to me!" malarkey.
Though you did forget the part where the sophomoric whiners are wisely advised to pull up their big girl/boy, quit acting like they're six, start acting like an adult and deal with it.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,029,399 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
How can they tell what to do all the time when you're independent and living in your own place, paying all your own bills, taking care of yourself? Do they come over to your house to tell you what to do? Do they just wait for you to come visit them and then start telling you what to do?
I was living in my own place but am back at home due to anxiety issues...So I do understand the whole 'my rules under my roof' thing, but as to do what I do outside of the house in my own time...well like I say they aren't really bad, but for instance I told my mother I wanted to go to Canada to do a working holiday and she was totally negative about it, as she often is, saying she couldn't understand why anybody would want to, that it might be bad for my career and that she saw no 'point' in going even when I explained to her my plan, why I wanted to go...well it turns out I might not go this year anyway, since I've struggling a bit, but it's just an example of how she just shoots it down. She always says things like 'it'll be so difficult', 'how will you cope? The cold...you'll probably get fired' I think that's just her though, she always claims she's being 'realistic' but she's been like this in the past and none of her doom and gloom predictions have come true, yet she still persists. I don't know why she doesn't change but I guess at that age it's like automatically. It's like when anyone is enthusiastic about anything she'll automatically be a wet blanket about it. Don't get me wrong she's generally a good mother and a good person, but I guess she's not the most positive/supportive person.
I was living in my own place but am back at home due to anxiety issues...So I do understand the whole 'my rules under my roof' thing, but as to do what I do outside of the house in my own time...well like I say they aren't really bad, but for instance I told my mother I wanted to go to Canada to do a working holiday and she was totally negative about it, as she often is, saying she couldn't understand why anybody would want to, that it might be bad for my career and that she saw no 'point' in going even when I explained to her my plan, why I wanted to go...well it turns out I might not go this year anyway, since I've struggling a bit, but it's just an example of how she just shoots it down. She always says things like 'it'll be so difficult', 'how will you cope? The cold...you'll probably get fired' I think that's just her though, she always claims she's being 'realistic' but she's been like this in the past and none of her doom and gloom predictions have come true, yet she still persists. I don't know why she doesn't change but I guess at that age it's like automatically. It's like when anyone is enthusiastic about anything she'll automatically be a wet blanket about it. Don't get me wrong she's generally a good mother and a good person, but I guess she's not the most positive/supportive person.
Your mom might have some anxiety issues of her own that she's dealing with or maybe she does have some valid concerns about you going so far away and to another country. Hard to tell.
If you were my son, I'd want you to have your anxiety under good control before you got too far away from me. Maybe you can work towards that with the help of doctors, appropriate meds, therapy, whatever you need to feel better. Then plan your trip when you think that you're ready. And go.
I was living in my own place but am back at home due to anxiety issues...So I do understand the whole 'my rules under my roof' thing, but as to do what I do outside of the house in my own time...well like I say they aren't really bad, but for instance I told my mother I wanted to go to Canada to do a working holiday and she was totally negative about it, as she often is, saying she couldn't understand why anybody would want to, that it might be bad for my career and that she saw no 'point' in going even when I explained to her my plan, why I wanted to go...well it turns out I might not go this year anyway, since I've struggling a bit, but it's just an example of how she just shoots it down. She always says things like 'it'll be so difficult', 'how will you cope? The cold...you'll probably get fired' I think that's just her though, she always claims she's being 'realistic' but she's been like this in the past and none of her doom and gloom predictions have come true, yet she still persists. I don't know why she doesn't change but I guess at that age it's like automatically. It's like when anyone is enthusiastic about anything she'll automatically be a wet blanket about it. Don't get me wrong she's generally a good mother and a good person, but I guess she's not the most positive/supportive person.
No matter what they say here, it is hard to LIVE WITH or even be related to someone who is so negative about everything in your life.
Trust me, I don't live at home anymore and I STILL hear the negativity all the time about my goals and things I have planned.
Selective hearing, learn it, live it, love it. It'll become your best friend. Invest in an iPod, tune her out. Refuse to listen to the negativity. Tell her you will listen when she can discuss things without being negative about it.
Also no wonder you have anxiety, has she done this your whole life?
Seriously, I would have anxiety issues and go crazy if everytime I wanted to do something someone was sitting there telling me all the what ifs and being negative about it, I would be afraid to do anything.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,029,399 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn
I'd say she's VERY supportive if she let you move back home.
So who was going to pay for this "working holiday" and what type of work would have been performed?
Probably just in hospitality. It's more a holiday/travel thing than a career thing. I only want to do it now because I'm 26 and would like to experience living in another country and the programme is for under 30's only. The work is mainly just to pay my way with a bit left over to travel. I'm thinking working in a ski resort in BC or Alberta will be the go.
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