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The thing that gets me is putting the blame on MOM when someone is, shall we say, a little slow getting out of the starting block.
"It's not MY fault!"
Yeah. Right. Whatever. Never take responsibility for your own life when there is someone else to blame.
Yeah....blame your parents, who were always nagging at you about taking responsibility and thinking things out....when you grow up to be an irresponsible misfit who never thinks things out. Yup, must be their fault.
Yeah....blame your parents, who were always nagging at you about taking responsibility and thinking things out....when you grow up to be an irresponsible misfit who never thinks things out. Yup, must be their fault.
Yes, exactly. It's one thing to complain about parents when you're 16 and have a whole 2 long more years to endure them, but once you're 18 and legally an adult it's time to stop thinking and acting like a child.
A parent's duty is to get you to age 18 in fairly good shape. Then there is no reason to complain about parents because you should by then know where the door is and how to pack up your few things. Or if they don't mind you staying longer, that's fine but there is no more reason to complain about them if you choose to remain with them. In fact youl should be grateful to them for lettng you have their home to stay in. There is nothing more to complain about. Unless of course they find where you're living and come knocking on your door trying to tell you what to do -- and really aren't providing the dollars any longer.
After age 18, you really can't complain about a parent getting in the way of your dreams, you're free to follow them -- as long as you have a way to pay for them -- however if your parents are always going to be Plan B, the back up plan, then they certainly have a right to say what they think of Plan A.
Yes, exactly. It's one thing to complain about parents when you're 16 and have a whole 2 long more years to endure them, but once you're 18 and legally an adult it's time to stop thinking and acting like a child.
A parent's duty is to get you to age 18 in fairly good shape. Then there is no reason to complain about parents because you should by then know where the door is and how to pack up your few things. Or if they don't mind you staying longer, that's fine but there is no more reason to complain about them if you choose to remain with them. In fact youl should be grateful to them for lettng you have their home to stay in. There is nothing more to complain about. Unless of course they find where you're living and come knocking on your door trying to tell you what to do -- and really aren't providing the dollars any longer.
After age 18, you really can't complain about a parent getting in the way of your dreams, you're free to follow them -- as long as you have a way to pay for them -- however if your parents are always going to be Plan B, the back up plan, then they certainly have a right to say what they think of Plan A.
"What!!?? You think you're entitled to an OPINION about my life!? I'm over 18! You need to butt out of my life! Oh, I checked the mail....here are the bills. Did you go grocery shopping today? What's for dinner? I can't pay make my car payment this month, can you front me the money....I'm trying to save up for a trip to the beach. You don't want me to lose my car, do you? Then you'll have to give me rides or I'll have to quit my job." .....Gawd....some kids!
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,068,476 times
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I get what you're saying, beachmel, she's only looking out for me - but to a point. Even dad says she can be such a downer, like I said it might be her depression but also her personality. She's the type who literally looks down on having fun, she's said things like 'she doesn't see the point in socializing with friends'...that's not normal. Maybe she's really anti-social deep down.
I know I'm lucky to still have a place to go to. Many mornings I'm literally too sick to get up, I don't know what I'd do if I were homeless. I am fortunate my parents are kind of helping me through it, even though at times they cause stress...I guess you can't choose your family so you have to take the good with the bad. I'm no model child either, so I'm sure my parents feel the same way.
I get what you're saying, beachmel, she's only looking out for me - but to a point. Even dad says she can be such a downer, like I said it might be her depression but also her personality. She's the type who literally looks down on having fun, she's said things like 'she doesn't see the point in socializing with friends'...that's not normal. Maybe she's really anti-social deep down.
I know I'm lucky to still have a place to go to. Many mornings I'm literally too sick to get up, I don't know what I'd do if I were homeless. I am fortunate my parents are kind of helping me through it, even though at times they cause stress...I guess you can't choose your family so you have to take the good with the bad. I'm no model child either, so I'm sure my parents feel the same way.
Dude just accept that your mom is batshiznit insane and get on with it.
Do what you need to do for yourself.
Parents are always going to be there telling you "I don't think you're ready" "I don't think that's such a good idea" BLAH BLAH BLAH. You're over 18 do whatever you want.
When I was 21 I made plans with my grandmother for me to drive out to Tennessee, my mom called my grandmother everyday until the day I left trying to get her to get me to fly out instead of drive 1000+ miles alone. Even tried to persuade me, but my grandmother had bought the car and I wanted her to see it.
You know what I did? I drove. I told her it was up to me and I was driving and I did.
It was the experience of a life time traveling alone, true independence.
Stop letting Negative Nancy puppeteer your whole life.
Get out there and live your life.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,068,476 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen
Dude just accept that your mom is batshiznit insane and get on with it.
Do what you need to do for yourself.
Parents are always going to be there telling you "I don't think you're ready" "I don't think that's such a good idea" BLAH BLAH BLAH. You're over 18 do whatever you want.
When I was 21 I made plans with my grandmother for me to drive out to Tennessee, my mom called my grandmother everyday until the day I left trying to get her to get me to fly out instead of drive 1000+ miles alone. Even tried to persuade me, but my grandmother had bought the car and I wanted her to see it.
You know what I did? I drove. I told her it was up to me and I was driving and I did.
It was the experience of a life time traveling alone, true independence.
Stop letting Negative Nancy puppeteer your whole life.
Get out there and live your life.
I know it's like she can't help herself. She always to play the 'protective role' maybe so she can feel she is doing a good job.
OP, I say do what you want. You are 26, childless and have no strong ties that are holding you down. I think going out on your own is a grand idea. Good luck!
OP's mother does sound like a downer though. I totally get "my house, my rules" and run my house in mostly the same fashion. I draw the line when it becomes more about the struggle over power rather than any real harm. Unfortunately, many parents can be like this. I think they believe they are being helpful, doing their job, etc. In reality they are coming across as stifling, unimaginative and negative.
I get what you're saying, beachmel, she's only looking out for me - but to a point. Even dad says she can be such a downer, like I said it might be her depression but also her personality. She's the type who literally looks down on having fun, she's said things like 'she doesn't see the point in socializing with friends'...that's not normal. Maybe she's really anti-social deep down.
I know I'm lucky to still have a place to go to. Many mornings I'm literally too sick to get up, I don't know what I'd do if I were homeless. I am fortunate my parents are kind of helping me through it, even though at times they cause stress...I guess you can't choose your family so you have to take the good with the bad. I'm no model child either, so I'm sure my parents feel the same way.
This is a beautiful post. It really is clear that you love your parents and are not just using them. Trimac, look at your anxiety....now imagine that you'd been living with it as long as your mom has. Now, imagine that you have a child. Think of the many ways that anxiety could affect your life and that of your child.
I'd be willing to bet that you two share the same 'diagnosis'. A person who suffers from "uncontrolled" anxiety, like others, look at the 'what ifs'. A "normal/stable" person is able to see both the worst case scenario and the best case scenario and actually think through and rationalize a situation. They are able to think through the "what ifs" and formulate a plan, should the worst case scenario occur.
A person who is has uncontrollable or untreated anxiety is not able to do this. Oh, they might be able to see the worst/best case scenarios, but they end up obsessing over the WORST case scenario. It then becomes a reality, "That IS what's going to happen!!!"...(not possibly COULD happen). They haven't even made the choice to do something and they're already in a horrible state of panic, because of that oppressive thinking.
Maybe there have been a few times when your mom has been right, especially in her own life. There may be things you don't know about her, things she can't come out and tell you, which traumatized her. Trust me Trimac, you don't tell your children everything. Generally, you are who you are because of things that have happened to you previously, or because of things you've witnessed. Again, many of those "healthy" people are able to overcome those traumatic experiences. If you aren't one of those people, you have feelings of impending DOOM, which control your life.
Don't let her anxiety cause YOU more anxiety, but don't discount everything she's trying to protect you from either, okay? Let her see that you have your emotions under control and try to explain to her how you know all of the possible scenarios and how you've planned to handle anything that comes up. Again though, you need to get yourself together first and show her that she's NOT going to be your escape route. Good luck to you Trimac.
Dude just accept that your mom is batshiznit insane and get on with it.
Do what you need to do for yourself.
Parents are always going to be there telling you "I don't think you're ready" "I don't think that's such a good idea" BLAH BLAH BLAH. You're over 18 do whatever you want.
When I was 21 I made plans with my grandmother for me to drive out to Tennessee, my mom called my grandmother everyday until the day I left trying to get her to get me to fly out instead of drive 1000+ miles alone. Even tried to persuade me, but my grandmother had bought the car and I wanted her to see it.
You know what I did? I drove. I told her it was up to me and I was driving and I did.
It was the experience of a life time traveling alone, true independence.
Stop letting Negative Nancy puppeteer your whole life.
Get out there and live your life.
We don't know the whole story, only what the OP has told us-- and even then he's not even as harsh on his mother the way you are. Do you have some Mommy issues? I mean "batshiznit insane", "Negative Nancy puppeteer" and in the other thread, "Crotch monster"? What is up with all these harsh tones for the mothers? She's not even controlling his life... The OP's taking whatever she says personal and complaining about it.
The one thing is very evidently clear is that the OP needs to change his perception and approach to this whole situation. His mother isn't going to change, why does she need to change? She is who she is. She doesn't have to support him in the way he wants to be supported-- she has already supported him in many other ways. He needs to understand, accept and appreciate that. If he's very highly sensitive to anything that he views as "criticism" from his mother, then he needs to stop giving her information... or simply change his feelings to what his mother is saying.
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