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There is a group of kids in our neighborhood that play together a lot. Among them is a 10 year old boy, a 9 year old boy, my 8 year old daughter and two 7 year old girls....
Their playing together has always been pretty innocent and all, but for the last year I am aware that the 10 year old boy has had eyes for my daughter... Now my daughter is 8 and going into 3rd grade, but she is pretty tall for her age and (God help us) signs are pointing to her hitting puberty early... That said, I recognize that she IS an 8 year old and an up and coming 3rd grader emotionally....
Initially I had laid down the rule that the 10 year old under no circumstances is to play with my daughter without the other girls around, but in light of this recent revelation I don't really know what to do...
He's a nice kid and all, my daughter isn't "interested" in that way or anything. But I have issues with a 10 year old 5th grader asking my 8 year old to "Go out with him". Compounding all of this is that it is my understanding that 5th grade is typically when schools teach students all the "Ins and Outs" of boys and girls in health class, etc...
I've thought about either having a talk with the boy (I have to say I don't know how much faith I have in his parents, though that might be the best route to go) and telling him that this is not appropriate, that I'm sure at school he doesn't associate with any 3rd graders, and that my daughter isn't going to be "Going out with anyone" for at least another 7 or 8 years and that if I hear any more talk of this they won't be playing together at all...
The other thought is just closing it down now and forbidding them playing together, though that would be difficult since the boy lives two doors down from us and both kids play outside at the same time quite often...
Thing is that my daughter seems to be handling it quite well, I mean she told us about it, she explained that she isn't "interested" or anything, but I have serious apprehension especially considering this boy has had no problems telling all the younger kids in the neighborhood that there's no such thing as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny in the past, and I fear what this kid might do when he's armed with the knowledge of what sex is.......
Any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated..
With all due respect, I think you're overreacting. They're 10 and 8. What does "go out" mean? Does he want to walk around the block or to 7/11 with her?
Leave it alone. Don't make a big deal out of something normal and innocent. Your daughter will learn to stop telling you things for fear of your overreacting. Relax, they're children!
I say leave it alone. "Going out" at that age just means they are considered "together" and that's about it. I remember "going out" with guys in school and all you did is write notes and walk to classes together.
They're 10 and 8, they aren't going to be driving themselves to the movies or running off and getting married.
"Going out" when you're 10 and 8 means NOTHING like it does when you're older.
I "went out" with a boy when I was about 10 or so, he was the same age, we'd sit and play, he'd walk to my house in the mornings sometimes with a new beanie baby for me and he'd walk with me to the bus.
That was it, we didn't even hold hands walking to the bus.
That's "going out" when you 8/10 years old. Don't worry its suppose to be cute.
I agree that you should relax a little bit. "Going out" and pretend dating is common in 4 & 5th grade and even 3rd grade. It's normal behavior from kids as they hit puberty and are trying to figure out boy/girl relationships. Him asking her out isn't a sign he want to have sex with your daughter.
When sex education starts in schools varies but typically 5th grade is more about puberty and bodies than what sex is. You live in the neighborhood so I assume your kids attend the same school and you could easily call and ask what the sex ed curriculum is. Since your daughter hangs out with older kids you may want to have a conversation about sex and puberty sooner as she will probably hear about it anyway. Now is probably a great time to talk to your daughter about boundaries and making her own choices. You can't control what this boy does, but you can certainly talk to your daughter about how to handle it.
While I know it must be distubing for any boy to ask your little 8yo to "go out," I agree that it doesn't mean anything. I would only be concerned or get involved if the 10yo was being inappropriate otherwise, such as making lewd or inappropriate remarks or putting his hands where they don't belong. And it sounds like your dd would come straight to you and tell you if such a thing were to happen. So I would just relax...although I think only allowing them to play in a group is a good idea.
Eh, I am not on board with it. I understand that "going out" and calling each other "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" is pretty meaningless at this age, but your daughter is not interested in his attention and eight is pretty young. There's nothing to allow--she doesn't want to. Because your daughter has been open with how this boy is behaving, I'd keep an eye on the two of them for now, and if he starts getting more inquisitive (e.g., wants to play doctor), nip that right in the bud.
I'd say it's probably fairly innocent, and it is fairly common among 5th graders. It was back many moons ago when I was in 5th grade too. I do think this is a great teachable moment though, and validating your daughter speaking up for herself and not following the herd.
It all boils down to what (going out with) means.....at that age your daughter doesn't need to be with any ONE person to play with....I find it odd , and if he'd asked my daughter, and she told me...I'd probably just say NO....she can see him, but only when he's playing with her and her other friends....no way purposely alone...that sounds too restrictive...or like a date ...for me to ever OK it...especially when she's only 8.
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