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Btw, how did your daughter discover you had listed her flute on Craigslist? Coincidence? Or did you feel it necessary to tell her?
I'm not saying you shouldn't sell it, as I have an almost brand new trumpet upstairs in my son's closet that was purchased after he swore he would continue to play in high school. I will eventually sell it, but I wouldn't if he didn't want me to.
Let me ask you a question in that how is it you manage to be raising a 3 year old and 5 year old and yet still can pay child support when you don't work?I echo what other people are saying and say you need to grow up and start acting like an adult. First off you would still make more in a job then as a SAHM. One child is one enough for kindergarten, and the other can go into a pre-k program. And if not there are programs for working parents to pay for day care. And second off regardless if you don't like it fb and such is how my generation like to interact. You refusing to what to interact that way is not going to get her to change her habits. You need to be the mom and touch base with her. And i'm sorry but selling her stuff because you just don't want to work is childish and petty.
First of all I think you sometimes just have to go with the flow -- kids use FB and text messaging to converse with everyone.
If you're upset by something on FB, don't react emotionally - after all you are the parent, or at least don't respond when you're emotional and upset. Just walk away, come back in a couple of days after you've found your grown up side and think about what's best for your child.
I would not cut off forms of communication that she is still willing to use, and if you look around -- many kids will sit side-by-side and text each other, it's just how it is. Keep the communication lines open. In some ways FB and text are even better because you have time to pull yourself together before you respond, you don't have to be sorry for something you said without thinking.
And as far as FB making kids unsocial -- the shooter in Aurora, CO apparently did not have a facebook page and apparently wasn't on any social media. Something like 95-98% of younger people do use social media.
OP - although a foreign language to us 'old fogies', 'chat' is today's teen's equivalent to a phone call. I remember when I was a kid, my grandparents and even some of my friend's parents thought talking on the phone was pointless and no substitute for a face to face conversation. I remember Grandma saying "If you want to talk to me, come on over"... of course, that changed when I moved far away.
Mother-daughter relationships are tough - and having a 'broken family' makes it tougher, gives the child too many manipulative tools to hide behind. I am so tired of hearing about kids who use their parents against one another, and "parents" who allow their children to hurt the other parent without stepping up.
Sometimes, we get into situations where we need to sell unused items. It's unfortunate that your daughter took it so hard, and while you probably should've discussed it with her first, she needs to understand that she is the CHILD and you are the ADULT... and your sister in law needs to mind her own business. If the instrument meant so much to her, she should've been using it. Period. There are serious boundary issues in your relationship.
Perhaps if there were not so many hands in the pot, your relationship with your daughter would be better. But you already know this. I'm sure there is plenty of blame to go around, but it began with you and the child's father - the TWO of you need to nip her disrespect in the bud. For HER sake. She doesn't sound like she knows much about respect - for her parents or herself.
Why don't you contact your daughter's father and arrange for time that she will be forced to spend with you, and if that doesn't work, contact an attorney and see if you can get visitation? That will show her that you love her and are willing to fight to be a parent to her. She may feel that because you haven't done this you care less about her than about your younger children. And I would not unfriend her to teach her a lesson, and under these circumstances, I would not sell her flute, either.
This is sad. Be the adult and keep trying to establish and maintain a relationship with your daughter. As the adult, you have to swallow your pride and accept her "insults" and histrionics....you're her MOTHER. I think you were trying to sell her flute as a way to "get back" at her. Grow up.
I'm sorry, but I can't get past the fact that you are selling your daughter's things to pay child support because you are a SAHM. Something does not add up. Where is the dad of the younger kids? Does he contribute financially? Go to your social services office and find out about child care programs. If you are single, for sure, and possibly if you are married, there are programs to help pay for child care.
and No, do not unfriend your daughter on FB. That may be the only means you have of communicating with her.
If you would like to someday mend your relationship with your daughter, then defriending her will only hurt any chances you have.
Can I tell a little story here? My momma did nothing wrong. She was an overworked single parent to the three of us with no help from my and my brother's father. Her second husband was stationed 3000 miles away until he passed away of a heart attack when my youngest brother was about 10. I was/am an opinionated, stubborn,speak first think second kind of person. I left home (not to my father's... but left as in run away... quit school and move in with a grown man) at 15. I thought I knew everything and could take care of myself. And for the most part, I did take care of myself. I got a job, a car and a life. My momma was always there.... not pushing, just calling to say hello... there was no fB to keep tabs on me. I didn't see her for about a year and a half. Even after that, I limited the connection we had. Time passed, the "boyfriend" shot himself when I left him because of his drug use and cheating. I could have gone back to live with my momma then... she asked me to. But stubborn me said no, I will make it on my own. By the time I was 20 I had my son and my momma became a bigger part of my life. I went back to school, then college. When I was 25 and my son was almost 5 I came to a realization on just what my momma meant to me. I bought her 25 roses for my birthday and delivered them to her with an apology. She forgave me without a second thought. She told me that she raised me to be strong and independent, she just wished I'd waited a little bit longer before I struck out on my own, but she understood my need to go.
So, OP, whether or not your relationship with your daughter ends over teenage rants on fB is up to you... the adult.
BTW, the flute belonged to your daughter, not you. To take from her like that is no better than a non-custodial father selling his child's bicycle when they are at their momma's.
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