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I will definetely keep everyone posted on developments as they come. I am awaiting to hear what the deal is with the kids going to a counselor. To be quite honest, for me, this is the scariest part... I am afraid of the facts that I will learn after the therapist has had a chance to work with the kids...
Who did this? How long has all this REALLY been going on for? Where did my nephew learn this and who, if anyone, violated him?
I agree, get a good lawyer. Kids in the system for this behavior do not get a very good shake. See Ethical Treatment for All Youth for some illustrative cases.
In an ideal world this would be handled at home, not through the court system. It's insulting to common sense to label a child a sexual perpetrator before they are even old enough to consent to being a sexual partner.
@ djacques - Thanks for pointing out these resources. I've been reading the Ethical Treatment for All Youth website and it appears to have a lot of useful information. I'll forward this to my mother and sister.
Hello all and thank you for your help and advice in this matter,
Well, what can I say? Life has changed since earlier today when I found out from my sister that my 12 year old nephew was arrested for molesting my 6 year old niece. So far, what I know is that he has exposed himself in front of her and had her remove her clothing and was rubbing up against her. I have one other niece that is 8-9 yrs, and a nephew that is 5yrs. As far as we know, the 6 year old girl is the only one to have been victimized. Both girls were taken to a doctor today to determine if they had been penetrated (results indicated they were not). As of now, the 12yr old is in a juvenile detention facility until his court appearance in a few days.
I'll try to provide some background on the children and familiy...
As you may have guessed, my sister and her four children came from an abusive home. My sisters ex husband was a big time loser who was verbally and physically abusive to my sister. Finally, she had enough and left him and has had full custody of the children since (he has since fled the state to avoid paying child support). The divorce happened roughly 4 years ago.
Since about 6 or 7 years of age, the eldest (the perpetrator of the incident) has displayed negative behavior toward his siblings. Not in a physical manner although on occassion he would push or shove as kids do, but more verbally. He was always a real smart-aleck with them and enjoyed annoying them. Most of the time we would tell him to knock it off and that was that.
When this incident happened, my mother sat down with him and asked him why he did what he did to his sister and his answer was that she "made him do it". In recent times he has become increasingly hostile toward his siblings and his answer to his actions is always that they "made me do it" because of something actual or percieved.
As for the other children, they are completely and totally fine. Happy, playful and social with eachother, doing great in school, etc, while the 12 year old is the complete opposite. As of now, we don't yet know if he (the perpetrator) was molested himself, however, looking back on it I do have my suspicions as my sisters former husband hung around with some very questionable individuals and was himself, a questionable individual.
We are at a loss as to what to do right now. My sister (said childs mother) works at a crisis center for battered and abused women and children so she is seeking help there. She is a single mother of 4 and recieves aid from the state to help out so she does not have endless amounts of money to spend on a decent therapist and I am very skeptical of what the county can offer in terms of a decent therapist.
What will happen? Will my nephew ever be allowed to come home again? Should he ever come home again or will he have to live his life until adulthood in an institution? Can he be rehabilitated or is he now doomed to fail at life? If he does come home after therapy/rehab, will he re-offend? Is he a lost cause?
If anyone can help with advice or personal experiences and/or point me in the direction of resources I would be greatly appreciated.
That's pretty tough to know and will depend on the judge and the situation.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but all this is a lot to take in right now. It's been a crappy month for me. Actually, it's been a crappy 2.5 weeks for me... First my car gets broken into then my house gets broken into, I bruise a rib in a sparring class, and now I hear of all this. Yay me.
I don't know how this will affect our family going forward. Will things ever be the same? What issues are the victims going to have in their lives now? Will they perpetrate the same offenses?
All this just seems like it's too much to handle right now.
Well someone needs to explain to the victims and watch over the victims and make sure they understand what happened but most victims actually don't become child predators themselves, but some do.
As far as the 12 year old, I think age 12 is too early to write off most kids. It's fine that he will be seeing a therapist but I think someone who loves and cares about him needs to get involved and make him understand what he did and why it was so wrong. Very likely this kid was molested himself, and he's also lacked guidance, has not had a proper male role model. He may be hitting puberty and because of no proper male role model does not know how to behave appropriately, he may be very confused.
If there is someone who can be a good male role model for him, it would be important for that individual to step in quickly and help guide him. He cannot be alone with the victims ever again or with any potential victims.
Hello all and thank you for your help and advice in this matter,
Well, what can I say? Life has changed since earlier today when I found out from my sister that my 12 year old nephew was arrested for molesting my 6 year old niece. So far, what I know is that he has exposed himself in front of her and had her remove her clothing and was rubbing up against her. I have one other niece that is 8-9 yrs, and a nephew that is 5yrs. As far as we know, the 6 year old girl is the only one to have been victimized. Both girls were taken to a doctor today to determine if they had been penetrated (results indicated they were not). As of now, the 12yr old is in a juvenile detention facility until his court appearance in a few days.
I'll try to provide some background on the children and familiy...
As you may have guessed, my sister and her four children came from an abusive home. My sisters ex husband was a big time loser who was verbally and physically abusive to my sister. Finally, she had enough and left him and has had full custody of the children since (he has since fled the state to avoid paying child support). The divorce happened roughly 4 years ago.
Since about 6 or 7 years of age, the eldest (the perpetrator of the incident) has displayed negative behavior toward his siblings. Not in a physical manner although on occassion he would push or shove as kids do, but more verbally. He was always a real smart-aleck with them and enjoyed annoying them. Most of the time we would tell him to knock it off and that was that.
When this incident happened, my mother sat down with him and asked him why he did what he did to his sister and his answer was that she "made him do it". In recent times he has become increasingly hostile toward his siblings and his answer to his actions is always that they "made me do it" because of something actual or percieved.
As for the other children, they are completely and totally fine. Happy, playful and social with eachother, doing great in school, etc, while the 12 year old is the complete opposite. As of now, we don't yet know if he (the perpetrator) was molested himself, however, looking back on it I do have my suspicions as my sisters former husband hung around with some very questionable individuals and was himself, a questionable individual.
We are at a loss as to what to do right now. My sister (said childs mother) works at a crisis center for battered and abused women and children so she is seeking help there. She is a single mother of 4 and recieves aid from the state to help out so she does not have endless amounts of money to spend on a decent therapist and I am very skeptical of what the county can offer in terms of a decent therapist.
What will happen? Will my nephew ever be allowed to come home again? Should he ever come home again or will he have to live his life until adulthood in an institution? Can he be rehabilitated or is he now doomed to fail at life? If he does come home after therapy/rehab, will he re-offend? Is he a lost cause?
If anyone can help with advice or personal experiences and/or point me in the direction of resources I would be greatly appreciated.
Since your nephew is in custody and has a court date, it's likely the court is going to order very specific therapy and living arrangements.
But get a therapist trained in sexual abuse involved with the other kids ASAP. Since your sister already has a relationship with a crisis center, they should be able to help point her in the right direction.
So sorry for all involved, but do help your sister to understand she has to break this cycle immediately
I have participated in a few cases like these over the years. My hunch is something like this will happen:
1. The child will remain out of the home for about six weeks to three months.
2. A comprehensive program for therapy and treatment will be ordered.
3. A "safety plan" will be put together to protect others in the home.
4. When it is judged that this safety program will be effective and is in place, the nephew will be sent home.
5. There hopefully will be a great deal of supervision and monitoring ordered by the court.
This is a tough situation. However, it is so much better to deal with it at age 12 than age 18. This kid could be looking at a prison sentence for 10 or more years if he was older. Now, the family has many resources that will hopefully stop the behavior once and for all.
5. There hopefully will be a great deal of supervision and monitoring ordered by the court.
I don't think that is something to be hoped for. Family "plans" are often set up for parents to fail. It would've been far better for this to be handled at home without court involvement, but you can't put the genie back in the bottle.
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