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I'm worried about my dd, but I don't really think there's a solution to this problem, so I guess I'm just here to vent.
My dd has, what seems to me, and unusual and unhealthy way of attaching herself to any man who is nice to her or pays her any attention. It really is beginning to bother me. She has uncles who she's crazy about, and I don't have a problem with that since they're family. It's random people like teachers, the preacher at church, instructors, her teenage cousins' boyfriends, people who will not be a part of her life for longer than the class lasts or for whatever other purpose they're really there. She picks flowers, brings gifts, draws pictures, hugs, crawls in their laps, talks about constantly. Recently, she's completely in love with her male dance teacher from summer camp. She doesn't like him, she LOVES him. She's known him for a total of 2 weeks, and she acts like she's known him forever. And while he seems like a very nice young man, I doubt that he, or anybody really, is ready to take on that kind of devotion from a 5 yr old and respond to it the way she seems to need.
I'm sure this all has a lot to do with my dd not having a father. She has no memory of ever even seeing him and he will never be a part of her life, for good reason. She gets plenty of love, affection, and attention from me and her aunts, uncles, and older cousins, but that just doesn't seem to be enough. I don't date just because I know her tendency to get attached. I dated someone when she was 2, and when the relationship ended, it upset her far more than it did me. So I have never brought another man around her since then. I know she's looking for a father figure, but I don't know how to help her find it. I know from experience that uncles aren't the same. I'm not big on finding some stranger from an organization like Big Brothers or something either. I'm really at a loss what to do about it, and worried because I see this unhealthy attachment as being a big cause for hurt and disappointment for my dd down the road. I wish that a mother's love was enough, but I'm beginning to see that it's not!
That's tough. I really don't have anything constructive to say except that you are a great mom. I think some of this is the age, and having her spend time with males that you trust is all you can do for right now. Perhaps actually organize one on one time for her to go to the movies or lunch with an uncle or cousin? Chin up, you are doing a great job.
Your experience with uncles can be quite different from your daughters. She is looking for a relationship and maybe a couple of your brothers can take this on to help her. They can provide the stability she needs and are less likely to float in and out.
How about talking to them and seeing what they can help you with.
I understand your concern but I don't know what you can do about it. Can you talk to family therapist about it? You perhaps could gain insight and information about this behavior without your daughter ever having to go. The therapist could help her through you. Just a thought.
We had free EAP counseling at work and I used this method when my son was young and having some trouble in school. He never saw a therapist but she did him a lot of good~
I had a great father and still attached myself to all the wrong men ~ so don't put too much blame on your family situation.
I'm worried about my dd, but I don't really think there's a solution to this problem, so I guess I'm just here to vent.
My dd has, what seems to me, and unusual and unhealthy way of attaching herself to any man who is nice to her or pays her any attention. It really is beginning to bother me. She has uncles who she's crazy about, and I don't have a problem with that since they're family. It's random people like teachers, the preacher at church, instructors, her teenage cousins' boyfriends, people who will not be a part of her life for longer than the class lasts or for whatever other purpose they're really there. She picks flowers, brings gifts, draws pictures, hugs, crawls in their laps, talks about constantly. Recently, she's completely in love with her male dance teacher from summer camp. She doesn't like him, she LOVES him. She's known him for a total of 2 weeks, and she acts like she's known him forever. And while he seems like a very nice young man, I doubt that he, or anybody really, is ready to take on that kind of devotion from a 5 yr old and respond to it the way she seems to need.
I'm sure this all has a lot to do with my dd not having a father. She has no memory of ever even seeing him and he will never be a part of her life, for good reason. She gets plenty of love, affection, and attention from me and her aunts, uncles, and older cousins, but that just doesn't seem to be enough. I don't date just because I know her tendency to get attached. I dated someone when she was 2, and when the relationship ended, it upset her far more than it did me. So I have never brought another man around her since then. I know she's looking for a father figure, but I don't know how to help her find it. I know from experience that uncles aren't the same. I'm not big on finding some stranger from an organization like Big Brothers or something either. I'm really at a loss what to do about it, and worried because I see this unhealthy attachment as being a big cause for hurt and disappointment for my dd down the road. I wish that a mother's love was enough, but I'm beginning to see that it's not!
Wow. You are a wonderful, wonderful mom.
I have no memory of my father either, and I'm afraid I'm absolutely of no help here whatsoever. I do think your love will be enough, it's maybe a stage she's going through - perhaps she's just an unusually affectionate 5 year old, and will grow out of it, perhaps curiosity about men has something to do with it.
I think having loving male family members will stand her in good stead down the road. Give her a little time, she's only 5, and at some point she'll have good male friendships of her own that will help her need for male attention too.
Sounds like you are doing everything you can. Kudos to you for being aware of the situation and making difficult life choices with her best interests in mind. I wish I had a suggestion for you..
Anna, you are one of the smartest, most sensible posters on this board. It's obvious from your posts you're a good mother. What she's doing sounds pretty normal to me, for a girl without a strong father in her life. I commend you for being so aware of your daughter and her needs. Hopefully someone here can give you some great suggestions.
Thanks for the kind words. I grew up without a father also; in my case, he died when my mom was pregnant with me. I feel alot of my horrific choices in men (including dd's bio father--ugh) was the result of just not knowing how a man was supposed to treat you or supposed to behave. I think my attention seeking behaviors began as a teenager though, not at 5. That's what worries me...if she's this needy this young, what is she going to be doing at 10? 12? 15?
Good suggestion about talking to my family. I will talk to my brothers-in law, I know they're busy with careers and their own children, but maybe they can plan a special outing every now and then with her. Her teacher from summer camp did give me contact info to keep in touch, although he lives out of town and travels a lot. Other than that, I don't know.
One of my son's friends father passed away, and frequently when my DH plans something with my son, he includes the friend. I think people understand, and if your DD has a friend who does daddy/daughter stuff (with a daddy you trust), perhaps if you explain the situation to them they can do the same.
Thanks for the kind words. I grew up without a father also; in my case, he died when my mom was pregnant with me. I feel alot of my horrific choices in men (including dd's bio father--ugh) was the result of just not knowing how a man was supposed to treat you or supposed to behave. I think my attention seeking behaviors began as a teenager though, not at 5. That's what worries me...if she's this needy this young, what is she going to be doing at 10? 12? 15?
Good suggestion about talking to my family. I will talk to my brothers-in law, I know they're busy with careers and their own children, but maybe they can plan a special outing every now and then with her. Her teacher from summer camp did give me contact info to keep in touch, although he lives out of town and travels a lot. Other than that, I don't know.
Perhaps encourage strong male friendships throughout her life? I think our natural instinct is to keep girls away from boys somewhat, and the end result is that they can become overly attached looking for the affection you're worried about. Good friends can also teach her how to relate, and how men should treat women they respect.
Sorry to hear about your Dad's passing. That must have been tough on you and your mom.
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I grew up without a father also; in my case, he died when my mom was pregnant with me. I feel alot of my horrific choices in men (including dd's bio father--ugh) was the result of just not knowing how a man was supposed to treat you or supposed to behave. I think my attention seeking behaviors began as a teenager though, not at 5. That's what worries me...if she's this needy this young, what is she going to be doing at 10? 12? 15? 
