Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't see any problem at all with the 24/7 part -- not with a 4 and 7 year old.
However watching sex movies with them and drinking with them -- unless it's just a tiny amount in a glass for them definitely indicates a problem. It sounds like she really wants them to be just some kind of small adults to party with.
That's what I though too at first. But then I realized the OP is talking about never being without the kids. As in they are not just with her but part of her socializing as well. There's a difference between having the kids around sitting at the table listening to every word spoken and part of the conversation and being with her sister while in separate rooms and told don't pester Mommy unless it's important. But with a 4 year old that is nearly impossible to do for an hour without another adult to watch the 4 yr old.
I find it interesting that the major complaint here is with the alchol; she's been letting her kids "sip" wine since they were babies! After all, she is a "progressive, laid-back parent," don't you know!!?? I actually am not outraged at this because if she wants to raise little caffeine addicts and alcoholics, that is her problem. I actually have a bigger problem with the fact that those children have to be involved in every adult activity and/or conversation. But I guess thats my own selfish desires talking.....I mean, there comes a time when I have no interest in hearing a child's voice, because they should be IN BED AT THAT HOUR! Oh how I miss when her and I would go shopping or to the movies and the kids were not AUTOMATICALLY there!!!!!!! You know, I never did this to HER or to MY FRIENDS! I only brought along my kids occasionally, WHEN THEY WERE INVITED!!! After all, my mother told me a long time ago that the only kids that are tolerable are your own. Nobody really truly LIKES other people's kids. So I never expected other people to put up with the presence of my kids over and over!!!!
Also they do not need to be involved in every conversation. Whatever happened to children speak only when they are spoken to??? My sister missed THAT memo!
I can only imagine how these kids will be when they are teenagers. I guess when they are teenagers, they will act like they are 35!!!!!
And oh yeah, she is very cheap and will not hire a babysitter. Nor does she see the need for one. Her response would be, well, the kids are fine with me, why on earth would I need a babysitter?? So that leaves me to hire a babysitter. Which presents all sorts of other issues, like, WHY SHOULD I PAY FOR A BABYSITTER TO WATCH MY SISTER'S KIDS? will she like the babysitter I choose? will she approve? what happens if something happens to them while we are gone??
Oh, you know what, forget it. Clearly I just need to wait until her kids are grown up and want to have nothing to do with her anymore. Then she will come crawling back to me. Hopefully I will still be available for her. But who knows, I may not even live in the same city anymore!
The father and the grandparents are equally "laid back" and see nothing wrong with my sister's parenting skills. When I asked her why on earth she would give coffee to a 4 year old to "wake up", she said "oh please, it's not a big deal. whatever." You can't really reason with someone who tells you over and over, "oh, please it's not a big deal" to everything you say.
One last thing, she has been to several adult-only events now, and guess what she does: SHE TAKES THE KIDS ANYWAY. Because I guess "it's not a big deal" boys and girls!!!!! That's right!!! And well, quite frankly, if someone shows up to an adult event with kids, and it's a family or friend who's hosting, would you kick them out at that point???? Would YOU? Likely not, since you don't want a scene, ruin the party, etc.
Behind all your anger and sarcasm is a person who truly misses their sister. There's that saying, "If you can't beat em', join em". Sounds like your sister isn't changing, so you either see her on her terms or continue to be sad and miss her. When you visit her, bring a new dvd for the kids. Let them veg in front of the TV for 2hrs while you and your sister chat in another room.
That's what I though too at first. But then I realized the OP is talking about never being without the kids. As in they are not just with her but part of her socializing as well. There's a difference between having the kids around sitting at the table listening to every word spoken and part of the conversation and being with her sister while in separate rooms and told don't pester Mommy unless it's important. But with a 4 year old that is nearly impossible to do for an hour without another adult to watch the 4 yr old.
I do leave my children with trusted sitters and I have a decent amount of alone time. I still do not see the issue with OP's sister having her kids with her 24/7, even if they are part of her social life. Not for me, but it certainly is not a bad thing.
It is not unusual for children to be included in family events. In most families, these events are tailored to be family-friendly and don't include inappropriate films or conversation that is unfit for children's ears. I understand that the general public isn't going to like other people's kids, but these are your nieces and nephews, and yes, they should be part of your life.
As for not caring that these tiny children are drinking alcohol at their tender ages, well, I don't know what to say. It is difficult to have sympathy for you.
Man, that's just the way she is going to be, and she has every right to be with her kids 24/7 if she wants to be.
She's not going to bend, so it sounds like you will have to accept the new reality of what it takes to hang out with her.
As a concerned aunt, you could bring up the wine and coffee thing, but that being taboo is purely a cultural thing.
I do leave my children with trusted sitters and I have a decent amount of alone time. I still do not see the issue with OP's sister having her kids with her 24/7, even if they are part of her social life. Not for me, but it certainly is not a bad thing.
Except the fact that she is sitting around watching movies that are not appropriate for them and drinking with them - if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have any problem with the 24-7 but she's trying to have her children replace her need for adults. She's not being their mother, she's trying to be their raunchy and rowdy roommate.
Except the fact that she is sitting around watching movies that are not appropriatefor them and drinking with them - if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have any problem with the 24-7 but she's trying to have her children replace her need for adults. She's not being their mother, she's trying to be theirraunchy and rowdy roommate.
As a teacher I am required by law to report any possible child abuse. If I found out that my 4 year or 7 year student was watching R rated movies and having sips of alcohol with their parent I would be required to report them to Childrens Protective Services.
It would be up to CPS to determine if it was child abuse or not. CPS would also check to see if they were involved with other inappropriate activities, such as being exposed to drug use, watching adults having sex or late nights in smoky bars. Don't laugh, it is a slippery slope from bringing your young children to adult only evening get-togethers to bringing them along when you are partying at bars. I've seen "loving parents" do that because they didn't want to leave their children at home with babysitters.
Last edited by germaine2626; 08-09-2012 at 08:30 AM..
Interesting that a stranger like a teacher has such requirements but a blood relative who actually sees it being done regularly has no such obligation. Something very wrong about this.
Interesting that a stranger like a teacher has such requirements but a bloodrelative who actually sees it being done regularly has no such obligation. Something very wrong about this.
Teachers have a legal responsibility, I believe that relatives have a moral responsibility to report suspected child abuse.
Wow, I can tell that this really irritates you. It would be upsetting to me to. Young children shouldn't be given even "sips" of wine & to do it on a regular basis is something that CPS would want to know about. Tips are anonymous.
It's not illegal everywhere. Some states it is, but most it isn't. I'm not trying to argue (at all!) that it's a good idea, just saying that there may not be anything for CPS to investigate, especially if the kids aren't drinking enough to be remotely drunk (i.e., just sips). The caffeine isn't illegal by any stretch, and it sounds like the kids are getting in the ballpark of an appropriate amount of sleep for their ages, even if the hours are unorthodox. Honestly, just knowing how my own 7-year-old reacts to G-rated movies, the R-rated movies are probably the thing I'd find the most horrifying.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
