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I'm still not sure why you are so concerned about what someone else does. But....
For all you know Mom and Dad took that little vacay so they could rest and relax and return home as better parents. Not every dime has to be spent on riding lessons for Brooke. Sometimes those dimes should and need to be spent on Mom and Dad who are working hard and slowly going nuts because they have jobs, and are in the car pool, are keeping food on the table, are dealing with Brooke's hormones and the bills for the riding lessons and her clothes. The boss yelled at Dad again and he's getting an ulcer and he hasn't had a vacation in two years and Mom loves her husband and doesn't want to see him collapse under the pressure and she said, "We need to have a break!"
I see absolutely nothing wrong with Mom and Dad having a few days to themselves where they can relax and *shocker alert* have a little fun, and where Brooke isn't along to whine about having to have a new saddle blanket because the old one is, well, old. If they're smart they'll have a lot of wild sex.
It is not even about going nuts. It is a good life lesson that not everything revolves around precious little Johnny. Mom and Dad are entitled to R$R. And well before they are going bonkers in my book.
She CHOOSES not to get paid over the summer, teachers have a choice to be paid all year long or just through the school year.
Each family has their own priorities and if those choose to drop activities and go on vacation without their children that is their choice. Perhaps without being in the family and living in their home you don't really know all the details, only the ones she has shared and what you think you see/hear.
Just a clarification, I believe that the mother is a teacher's aide, in most school districts they get paid for the days that they work they don't have a contract that can divided into 12 months. Also, it is up to the school district if a teacher gets paid 9 months salary in 9 months or over 12 months. Some do not do that (although, anyone could put the "extra" money in a savings account to use in the summer).
No, it was just because that is what she mentioned...
I know this family very well, we have been friends for many,many years. He works in a factory, shift work,she's a teacher's aide, so I know that money doesn't come easy. They have 2 children, who do 1 activity each, because of finances. However, they also take many vacations w/out their children and have many individual activities they do, he is on several bowling leagues (3 that I know of) and she goes to scrapbooking crops several x a year, in addition to purchasing a lot of supplies for this hobby.
So, when I heard her say that the Summer months are the hardest financially so they "make" their daughter give up her riding lessons, and then in the same sentence say they were going on this 5 day vacay, it was a little surprising.
I just think maybe as parents, instead of having your child who only does 1 activity during the year to begin with, give it up, possibly, they could give up a bowling league or a scrapbooking crop weekend....
So, I do believe that yes, in this case, they asked her to sacrifice her activity to help supplement their trip.
I did not say anywhere that it is wrong for parents to take trips w/out their children, not once. If we had that luxury to do so, of course we would, once in awhile. I am saying, we would forgo our vacation if it meant our children could not do something they enjoyed. We do spend quite a bit on their activities, but knowing we don't have the luxury of having family nearby for babysitting, makes our decision to not vacation w/out them, easier.
No, I am not their accountant as someone sarcastically inquired, so I do not know their true financial situation.
This is really a pet peeve of mine. But this is information you should have put in the first post, and not 4 pages into it. You want good opinions on the subject, then you can't just leave out details like this
I was kind of shocked the other day when a friend said they " made their daughter give up her horseback lessons for the Summer, because they are the hardest months financiially for them".
Then, 5 min. Later, they were talking about all he things they had done during the summer, which included a 5 day vacation to Chicago? ( sans kids).
She is a teacher , so she doesn't get paid for the Summer, so they lack her income during the Summer, I understand watching the finances, of course.
To make your child give up something they enjoy for their own benefit though, just seems a bit selfish to me.
We have never taken a vacation ( not even a wknd away) w/out our children and I certainly would never ask my children to give up something they enjoy, so that I could do something I wanted.....
Life is not all about sacrificing just for your children either.
Last edited by ~HecateWhisperCat~; 08-28-2012 at 09:05 AM..
Just a clarification, I believe that the mother is a teacher's aide, in most school districts they get paid for the days that they work they don't have a contract that can divided into 12 months. Also, it is up to the school district if a teacher gets paid 9 months salary in 9 months or over 12 months. Some do not do that (although, anyone could put the "extra" money in a savings account to use in the summer).
Plus we don't know what KIND of aide she is either. She might be one for a preschool then the pay is basic regardless. Same with the husbands factory job.
My children are not allowed to do whatever they want , they are limited to how many activities they are permitted to do and are far from selfish.
Again, this is an open forum and everyone is entitled to their opinions.
No, I don't feel that the daughter who does ONE activity would be being selfish if she did not give it up. Quite frankly, she doesn't have a choice, does she? Her parents are the ones who have to take her there & pay for the lessons. She's 10 years old. Her parents made that decision for her and I do know the daughter was upset, of course I have no idea what the conversation was with her, I wasn't there and obviously, their daughter is still alive & it's not the end of her world...
I get that.
Are the lessons group,private, or semi private? What day, and time period does she usually ride? 30 minutes or an hour? Riding and jumping? Riding and horsecare? What area do you live in? Is it a stable or a riding club? All these factor into what the cost might be? It could be as little as 25 dollars and hour and as much as 100 dollars an hour. You add in her sibling doing something else, they that can be a pretty penny.
Last edited by ~HecateWhisperCat~; 08-28-2012 at 09:26 AM..
Are the lessons group or private? What day, and time period does she usually ride? 30 minutes or an hour? Riding and jumping? Riding and horsecare? What area do you live in? All these factor into what the cost might be.
I would think that horseback riding is one of the higher $$ activities you could have your kid enrolled in.
I would think that horseback riding is one of the higher $$ activities you could have your kid enrolled in.
It can be especially if it's semi private to private. Group lessons are cheaper of course but still pricy. I know when i went years before my uncle bought horses of his own, my dad paid about 70 an hour for me to ride.
I'm still not sure why you are so concerned about what someone else does. But....
For all you know Mom and Dad took that little vacay so they could rest and relax and return home as better parents. Not every dime has to be spent on riding lessons for Brooke. Sometimes those dimes should and need to be spent on Mom and Dad who are working hard and slowly going nuts because they have jobs, and are in the car pool, are keeping food on the table, are dealing with Brooke's hormones and the bills for the riding lessons and her clothes. The boss yelled at Dad again and he's getting an ulcer and he hasn't had a vacation in two years and Mom loves her husband and doesn't want to see him collapse under the pressure and she said, "We need to have a break!"
I see absolutely nothing wrong with Mom and Dad having a few days to themselves where they can relax and *shocker alert* have a little fun, and where Brooke isn't along to whine about having to have a new saddle blanket because the old one is, well, old. If they're smart they'll have a lot of wild sex.
OP, we too live in a city with no family. We have had my mom come up just for us to get away for a few days. Didn't feel guilty about it one bit. I still have to be married to this guy after the kids are gone and I feel that it's necessary to maintain our relationship/friendship. My older kids (12 and 14) actually encourage it. They are always saying that granny lets them do this and that whenever we go away.
We don't get to do it every year or even every other year. We do try to go on a big family trip every year, but occasionally we will use the vacation budget for ourselves and will have a smaller family trip that year. Don't feel guilty at all and I plan on doing the same for my future married children and their spouse just because I know how important it is.
OP, if you ever got away kidless for just a couple of nights, I'm sure your tune would change. I felt guilty for a little while the first time before going, but not anymore.
Honestly, the only people I've heard say something about anything negative about kidless vacations are the ones that have never taken one.
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I felt guilty for a little while the first time before going, but not anymore.
