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Hmm, there are tons around here. I think more moms in my neighborhood stay home than work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aspentree
I also think sahms are becoming a rarity, except in very specific sitautions. At the very least most women at least work part time.
While being a WOHM is a PITA at times, I really can't imagine how tremendously difficult it would be to reenter the workforce as a 40 year old woman.
My own opinion would be to find a job using her Arabic skills...beyond that she very well may be looking at an entry level job.
I think it depends on what you do. If you stay home, you probably encoounter many more stay at home moms. If you work, you obvously encoounter more working moms.
Regarding the original post and how unmotivated someone might be after staying home for 7 years........ if she hadn't established a carreer between 18 and 33, the issue might not be just staying home for for 7 years. Choosing a new carreer path at 40 would be daunting, regardless of how you spent the last 20 years.
Also, it seems she is still quite busy with the children, if you mentioned she is too tired to tackle some serious thinking. Might it be that returning to work might be more of your idea than hers? Having a child in preschool is hardly a clear cut time to return, perhaps that is some of her hesitation? Maybe you are misinterpreting her frustrations and limitations with the kid/housework routine as her not wanting to do it. Many stay at home moms would like the ability to have adult conversation, be recognized for a talent, and have daily social lunches without having to constantly worry about the kids (while I'm sure many working moms would like to sit at home, watching tv and eating bon bons), and while either reality is far from that, the idea is probably enough to make you frustrated with your own reality at times. I would let her decide what she really wants to do if you can afford it, without the pressure of going back now. Maybe just take some computer courses now, to prepare for when the youngest is in elementary school.
Hmm, there are tons around here. I think more moms in my neighborhood stay home than work.
I live in a suburb of DC. I find that a lot of mothers have careers and advanced degrees in my neighborhood, workplace and school. I guess that is probably why a majority of them dont chose to be SAHM's. I dont think I would get my masters or PHd and work my a** off at my job to give it all up to be a SAHM. I think a majority of the women I come in contact with, feel the same way.
I live in a suburb of DC. I find that a lot of mothers have careers and advanced degrees in my neighborhood, workplace and school. I guess that is probably why a majority of them dont chose to be SAHM's. I dont think I would get my masters or PHd and work my a** off at my job to give it all up to be a SAHM. I think a majority of the women I come in contact with, feel the same way.
I know several SAHM with advanced degrees, one which lives behind me was an attorney. Many gave up 6 figure incomes. It also has to do with lifestyle and area where you live and what your options are. In our area, it is easy to live on one income, where in DC or NY, probably not an option.
I live in a suburb of DC. I find that a lot of mothers have careers and advanced degrees in my neighborhood, workplace and school. I guess that is probably why a majority of them dont chose to be SAHM's. I dont think I would get my masters or PHd and work my a** off at my job to give it all up to be a SAHM. I think a majority of the women I come in contact with, feel the same way.
I have an advanced degree and am currently a SAHM. Many of my SAHM friends also hold graduate or professional degrees, and many of my graduate school classmates took time off to stay home with their young kids. I don't think it's unusual, and I doubt that holding an advanced degree makes one less likely to stay home with young children (would be curious to see what the actual statistics say!); I wouldn't even be surprised if it was the opposite, if only for the fact that many women with advanced degrees are married to men who are themselves high earners (therefore making two incomes less of a necessity). Life is long; taking some time to be home when the kids are little is still going to leave many, many years for working.
That said, I'm sure it IS intimidating for the OP's wife to return to the workforce, especially since she didn't really have an established career before having children. Since it doesn't sound like there's a pressing financial need, she at least will have some time to explore the options and seek additional education, if needed. I like the idea of easing into by taking a few classes.
SHAM's are becoming a rarity. I know none personally and I work in a office department that is predominantly women. All with children ranging from 6 months to 15 years in age. My mother went back to work when I was about 4 months old and was never a SAHM. There were no SAHM in my neighborhoods growing up even though there husbands made more then enough to sustain a household on there own.
I am getting my masters and there are women in my classes working full time, with children and obtaining their masters. IMO its a dying acronym that describes something that tends to be limiting.
Your wife should find something she's passionate about. Something to ignite a fire in her that will help her realize her potential outside the label. Like most people in most aspects of life, she will be challenged and probably fail a few times. But she needs to step outside the box of your home and recognize that she most likely has more to offer then just being a mother.
If she truly loves children she can do volunteer work or go back to school and get an accreditation in order to work with children on an educational level. Or she can take classes to find an outlet for her political passions or fluency in Arabic.
I don't know about that. There are tons of SAHM's around here. I think it depends a lot on where you live. My community has a lot of people who have been relocated by their companies, and likely will be again. It doesn't make a lot of sense for mom to get a new job and start over every time they move.
I had a career before becoming a SAHM but that industry isn't there in the same way it was when I was working. Now I'm over 50 and have great computer skills and pick up software really fast, I've also taken several college courses in the administrative area, but there is still a huge gap in my employment history and I haven't had much luck with traditional job seeking. I will probably end up at an employment agency and hope for the best. Actually, many of those employment agencies are hiring because their staff takes the good jobs that come through! LOL. There is definite agism and it's hard to get around that but I've accepted it, "young and energetic" are not words I use to describe myself anyway.
I hope this doesn't come out wrong but to me, the OP and wife sound awfully selective for someone that has been out of the workforce for a long time. Beginning a job search with little to no recent job experience just doesn't afford you the ability to say "Well, I want a job but I won't do this this or this." There are many, many unemployed people with impressive credentials that are also looking.
About the degree "easily" netting her a career. Not anymore. Look around at all the college grads that are living at home and working those jobs that your wife won't take. Other, older workers who have been downsized have great resumes but can't find work.
I think instead of focusing on what she won't do, it would behoove her to take something, anything in order to get into a routine of going to work and once she gets into the groove of that, then begin to think about what exactly she wants to do.
I will say that I have many, many friends that speak fluent Arabic and some thought if they ever needed work they'd simply get jobs as translators because they are so in demand. That's not happening for them so I wouldn't bank on it no matter what online job postings might say.
Finally, as someone who has hired more people than I can count, I will say that a lack of drive and confidence are readily apparent in a job interview. A young, just out of college person will get a pass on that because they lack experience in the real work world but those over 30 will not get a pass. Being 40 already puts one at a disadvantage in the job hunt so it's best to remove all possible impediments beforehand. Maybe a job at the mall will inspire confidence. It won't pay a lot but there's a lot to be said about getting out there and doing something and picking up intangibles like people and communication skills on a regular basis.
I hope this doesn't come out wrong but to me, the OP and wife sound awfully selective for someone that has been out of the workforce for a long time. Beginning a job search with little to no recent job experience just doesn't afford you the ability to say "Well, I want a job but I won't do this this or this." There are many, many unemployed people with impressive credentials that are also looking.
About the degree "easily" netting her a career. Not anymore. Look around at all the college grads that are living at home and working those jobs that your wife won't take. Other, older workers who have been downsized have great resumes but can't find work.
I think instead of focusing on what she won't do, it would behoove her to take something, anything in order to get into a routine of going to work and once she gets into the groove of that, then begin to think about what exactly she wants to do.
I will say that I have many, many friends that speak fluent Arabic and some thought if they ever needed work they'd simply get jobs as translators because they are so in demand. That's not happening for them so I wouldn't bank on it no matter what online job postings might say.
Finally, as someone who has hired more people than I can count, I will say that a lack of drive and confidence are readily apparent in a job interview. A young, just out of college person will get a pass on that because they lack experience in the real work world but those over 30 will not get a pass. Being 40 already puts one at a disadvantage in the job hunt so it's best to remove all possible impediments beforehand. Maybe a job at the mall will inspire confidence. It won't pay a lot but there's a lot to be said about getting out there and doing something and picking up intangibles like people and communication skills on a regular basis.
I'm the OP here. Thanks for the honest feedback and info.
Honestly, even I am somewhat skeptical about my wife's expectations and chances of success. She's relatively old and inexperienced as many of you have pointed out. Frankly sometimes she baffles me, saying she wants to get a job in the high tech engineering industry but she is simply not the type. Like, she needs to ask for help adding contacts on her iPhone for example....I have no idea where this comes from except maybe she sees me and wishes she were in my shoes (I am a software engineer). It's like she wants to push a fast forward button.
The times I try to tell her that probably isn't a good path for her I think she thinks I am a horrible unsupportive husband. I offer up more realistic options and sometimes she seems to understand but then other times I get the ultra wishful "I want the super career" attitude. And I have to resIst the urge to blurt out things like "You're a 40 year old woman with no experience for like 20 years! Get real!".
I dunno, maybe I am a horrible unsupportive husband with no faith in my wife. The only thing that makes me feel somewhat ok is the entire neighborhood is filled with SAHMs exactly in the same situation. Same with the majority of my male coworker's spouses.
Sorry this post became a bit of a rant. It drives me crazy sometimes.
It has always been the million dollar question: how is a mother (or anyone with an employment gap) to re-enter workforce. There is no easy answer.
My own example: had a career in software engineering before having kids in my late 30s -early 40s. Stayed at home for 7 years. When both kids were in school, finally felt I could start looking (mid-40s now). Had never kept up with the programming skills so was hopelessly behind the technology. Funny thing, during the 7 years developed an aversion to anything software in the first place. So had no ambition to update the skills. In the absence of that - not much of a choice, except the very same crumbs as high school graduates can hope for (and college grads nowadays).
Didn't despair. Was ready for anything menial even. Took a job at a call center as tech support, helping people with the same iPhone buttons :-) Lasted 12 months. Of course, it's an adjustment for a person with an advanced degree. Shifts, unpredictable, inconvenient times. Husband working from home took care of the kids after school. Otherwise this min. paying job wouldn't make any sense if we had to pay for after-school care.
Finally arrived to a conclusion that I needed to get a profession. Put all my degrees on the shelf and enrolled into community college to learn a trade. I am not averse to be elbow-high in grease. Like working with my hands actually. Spent time in a group with guys half my age. So here I am, an apprentice now to my husband, who is a journeyman. A family business. Would probably be a bit tougher if I had to be an apprentice in a regular shop - female and the age. But nothing is impossible.
There is not much out there for people with no marketable skills. Colleges have shorter degrees not only in trades (which have better job opportunities imho), but in early education, practical nursing, cosmetics/nails, electronics techs. I prefer acquiring something practical, a skill, versus generic "business admin".
Funny thing, I was also looking to use my second language skill when just coming out of the gap - the security clearance process for a gov't job started pressing me gently if I could denounce my second citizenship, at which point I said, enough. I would not do that. The phone interpreter job would not be quite suitable personally, as I am not a fast switcher between the languages, it's either one or the other. Plus I know what the phone job is already, no thank you.
There you go, my personal experience in a nutshell.
Last edited by nuala; 09-02-2012 at 08:00 PM..
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