Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am in the same boat. I have a 16 yr old son who is totally out of control. He steals money, threatens his brother and sister. He is so angry. He has had a tough childhood. His father was a drug addict, molested his older sister right in front of him and had to deal with his suicide in 2001. I know I messed up by staying with my husband and I know he is angry with me for the choices I have made but how long am I suppose to pay for it? I am in a very loving relationship with a great man who loves my kids and we have a 4 yr old daughter together. My boyfriend wants to be in my son's life but I am afraid that his bad behavior is threatening my relationship and he may not be able to take much more. What can I do for my son? He refuses any counseling and says that there is nothing wrong with him. He blames his anger on our homelife but he will not take responsibility for his part in the chaos. This is actually the most stable home environment he has ever had. He has run away from home and is living with a friend and his mother. I worry about him all the time but I know that if we take him back it will be starting the bad behavior all over again. Something has got to change. Does anyone have any advice for me? I am truly at the end of my rope!
Your son should have had counseling a decade ago. You cannot go back in time and change that now, so you need to look at this from his perspective. He may be afraid to trust his home situation now. He could be jealous that the 4 yo gets the love and security he didn't get when he was little.
There needs to be real life consequences to his actions, no doubt. One thing that strikes me is that you are expecting him to take responsibility for his part.... have you ever gone directly to him and acknowledged your part in the chaos that was his young childhood? You ask how long you have to pay for your choices.... I wonder how long your son has to live with the fallout from the choices you made.
Your son should have had counseling a decade ago. You cannot go back in time and change that now, so you need to look at this from his perspective. He may be afraid to trust his home situation now. He could be jealous that the 4 yo gets the love and security he didn't get when he was little.
There needs to be real life consequences to his actions, no doubt. One thing that strikes me is that you are expecting him to take responsibility for his part.... have you ever gone directly to him and acknowledged your part in the chaos that was his young childhood? You ask how long you have to pay for your choices.... I wonder how long your son has to live with the fallout from the choices you made.
Amen to that i was just reading her post and was outraged to be honest. If i was in that household and saw all that she says her son saw i would have acted out also! Kids dont know how to handle that kind of environment and for her to stay with that men sounds selfish....alas i am not here to judge sorry if it comes off that way. Just hard to see why some parents over look there kids needs...she needs to get her kid to a counsler ASAP and if he refuses tell someone at social services exactly what you wrote on this forum and then they will find a way to help him. No parent is perfect but when you admit to your mistakes, and humble yourself by knowing you dont know how to fix the "issue" or "issues" its a great step! I can only hope everything works for her, and her son!
I am in the same boat. I have a 16 yr old son who is totally out of control. He steals money, threatens his brother and sister. He is so angry. He has had a tough childhood. His father was a drug addict, molested his older sister right in front of him and had to deal with his suicide in 2001. I know I messed up by staying with my husband and I know he is angry with me for the choices I have made but how long am I suppose to pay for it? I am in a very loving relationship with a great man who loves my kids and we have a 4 yr old daughter together. My boyfriend wants to be in my son's life but I am afraid that his bad behavior is threatening my relationship and he may not be able to take much more. What can I do for my son? He refuses any counseling and says that there is nothing wrong with him. He blames his anger on our homelife but he will not take responsibility for his part in the chaos. This is actually the most stable home environment he has ever had. He has run away from home and is living with a friend and his mother. I worry about him all the time but I know that if we take him back it will be starting the bad behavior all over again. Something has got to change. Does anyone have any advice for me? I am truly at the end of my rope!
I honestly don't know what can be done about an out-of-control 16 year old. Probably counseling or boot camp or something, because it seems like the whole home would be disrupted for everyone else.
Recently someone at work was telling me about his 15 year old daughter who is completely out-of-control, tells them to "f... off", comes home at 4 am drunk, if they ground her she doesn't pay attention, if they try locking her in her room, they check at 2 am and see an open window and she's long gone.
I'm lucky and haven't experienced any of that. I really don't see how there could be an easy answer. Maybe some kind of boarding school so that they don't destroy the homelife for everyone else and maybe some other environment would get them on track.
I am having the same issues with my 14 year old son. He has been this way for as long as I can remember. Maybe 2 years old. He is disrespectful towards me and anyone who dare think they can tell him wat to do. He tells me to f*** off any time I ask him to do the smallest of things like turn the tv down. He tells me I'm a waste of space and a pathetic joke. And these are only the mild things he says to me. The rest of which I Cudnt even repeat. His dad died tragically while I was pregnant with him so he never knew him. I have brought him up alone all these years.
I am so unhappy. Am on anti depressants for most of the past 14 years. He is on meds for ADHD but half time won't take them and I can't physically push them down his throat.
He towers over me in an argument and threatens me to dare lay a finger on him and see wat I get.
I am emotionally a broken person. I cry myself to sleep at night. And I hate waking up in the morning because I know as soon as I go into his bedroom to wake him the whole thing starts over again. Verbal abuse. Defiance. Disrespect. Vulgar swearing. He had even broke things in temper and punched holes in the wall because apparantly I annoy him. I am at the end of my tether. I feel so alone and unhappy
You have to do your homework, find out if there are any programs in your area that can help you deal with him. You have to try any and everything to bring his behavior back in line. Have a local cop come talk to the house and have a talk with him, he might can point you in the right direction. Sound like a kid with some issues going on. Where is his father? Do you have a brother or brothers who can talk with him or your father, or another strong male figure. You shouldn't be unhappy in your own home or afraid of a 14 year old child. Seek help ASAP, don't let another day go by like this.
He went to public school through the 8th grade. He is super smart and was in gifted classes but got low grades. I thought homeschooling would allow us to focus on subjects that interested him in addition to moving quickly through the "boring" required subjects. It worked well for awhile. I don't think he could go back to public school now. Our goal is to get GED and start college courses, one or two at a time while he lives at home.
We tried sports. He was in karate for 2 years, kayaking for a year.
I have not allowed him to get a driver's license or car. He's too irresponsible. I also stopped his allowance when he stopped doing chores. He paid for his own computer with money he earned cutting lawns. I won't take that away because he EARNED it and I think that's a good life lesson. I'm afraid to take the phone (because I want to be able to locate him) and he is pretty good about not abusing the number of minutes we have. I do like the idea of giving him a "kid" phone though.
Smoking IS bad because I have allergies. Also, he nearly set his bedroom on fire when he left a burning cigarette in his trash can. The room filled with smoke before we found it. I have asked him not to smoke in the house but I have found ashes at times.
His father has been MIA since before he was a year old. My dad and brother are good role models. He has been raised to have good manners. He's just not using them! I can't imagine why he doesn't respect me. I work hard, obey the law, am very polite, and don't tell lies. I have provided a good life for him. Teenagers are so frustrating!
I'm not sure if it is that he doesn't respect you but it sounds like he may resent you because of his MIA loser dad. He may blame you for him not having a father. I know it is irrational but it happens all the time.
Give him the smoking rules: outside, NEVER in the house because of your health concerns.
He may have purchased his laptop with his hard earned money but you pay the bills...limit access until he does chores/homework.
Send him to a military school such as Rite of Passage programs. Your son is at a fork in the road and he needs some boundaries and limitations set in place.
don't beg or cry to get him to do anything. Don't yell. Tell him calmly if you don't A then B will happen and then stick with it! Let us know how it goes too!
OP have been in your shoes and made it through. They grow up in the end
Some thoughts besides all the good input you got:
Is his 'rebellion/misbehavior' targeted? toward you? a missing father? someone? If so address the target and reason for targeting.
Are you near a community college where he could attend and take any program? If he is bright as you say he should be able to ace the GED and start right in community college classes with OLDER people. That seems to be his preference right now, key in on putting him in with older people who are going somewhere in life.
I think you said he had a girlfriend. Could the girlfriend be putting ideas in his head? I know that my rebellious 17 year old would comply with my wishes (no one elses') until he fell in love. Then he went over the deep end and while his girlfriend was a wonderful person she just led him down the bad path that she herself wouldn't go. That is when he gave me lip and I don't have to do what you say business. once...
Did you say his girlfriend was pregnant? If so, then he has emancipated himself. Instead of you worrying about cell phones and if he is safe, he should be worrying about his baby and mother of his baby. Your time of taking care of him is up and it is his turn to take care of his baby.
I might have some of the posters mixed up with each other. But my best wishes to you all. Stay strong, keep your boundaries, set your teenage child's boundaries, and allow consequences to occur while they are minor. Don't waste your time fighting the small stuff or every battle.
After obtaining the numbers from his phone, cancel his phone, and block his access to internet service. He earned his computer, but he does not pay for the service does he? His room? Close the door.
If leaves and does not return, report him as missing and call his friends. If you do not want him eating junk food, do not purchase junk food.
Contact his schools Guidance office, and ask for the truant officer. He may have quit school at home, but he may not be able to skip school. Register him for public school again. He will make friends.
He needs direction. Just because you are smaller is no reason not to stand up and move him in the right direction.
Gerryd29 post #94 from 1/18/2015 revived the thread so to speak. I actually was responding to her, she sounds like she really needs help with this kid.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
