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I mean, my mother has often jokingly said that if I were convicted of a seriously crime she'd disown me. Of course, I've never been convicted of a serious crime, have no record of any kind, and don't plan on getting one. In fact, I'd say those words spoken to me in jest so long ago are the reason why. Because of this I wonder if my mother would actually just cut all ties with me if I hit her breaking point. I wonder if I'd do the same if I had kids and set some kind of imaginary breaking point? Is thee a breaking point? Should there be a breaking point? Would any of you parents stop loving your children if they did something horrible? Or does parenthood ignore all that?
Edit: I wasn't sure if this should go in this section or the great debate section. Please move or keep as required.
There's a breaking point for putting up with a grown child's nonsense. But there's no breaking point beyond which parents should stop loving their children. You might not let a wayward child into your home, if he's still wayward, but you love him anyway and invite him to return to his senses.
If you found out your child was a serial sadistic rapist, or was one of those people who tortures dogs and cats for the fun of inflicting pain on helpless creatures, I think it would be difficult to really love him.
There's a breaking point for putting up with a grown child's nonsense. But there's no breaking point beyond which parents should stop loving their children. You might not let a wayward child into your home, if he's still wayward, but you love him anyway and invite him to return to his senses.
Yes -- there's loving and there's enabling. I think the only way most parents could stop loving their kids would be if they were literally psychopaths, and even then it's not a given.
I think it depends on the crime, clearly -- I think, OP, you are alluding to extremely serious crimes (murder, rape, child abuse, and the like)... I imagine, that a parent of an adult child that commits one or more of these horrific acts will always love the memory of who their child used to be BUT I cannot imagine loving them as they are now.
Based on your questions, OP, - would I cut all ties? Yes. Would I stop loving him? As, he is now - YES, I would. The memory of him when he was a boy or even a man (prior to murdering innocent people) I could imagine loving but that's the extent of it.
But there is a big difference between loving what a person used to be and loving them now.
At any rate, the seriousness of the crime in this argument should be defined.
There is a breaking point on when a parent should stop enabling, spoiling and making excuses for their child and probably a breaking point on when to stop supporting a child but no breaking point for stopping the love.
Yes, a child can stop loving a parent just as a parent can stop loving a child. It's the same bond that breaks. Severing the relationship is a conscious decision and must be terribly painful.
There is a breaking point on when a parent should stop enabling, spoiling and making excuses for their child and probably a breaking point on when to stop supporting a child but no breaking point for stopping the love.
Exactly how I feel. No matter what either of my kids were to ever do I could not imagine not loving them.
I don't know if you can control whether you love your child or not. There is something very primal about it IMO. Once you feel it I don't know if you can make yourself turn it off. It may happen, but I don't know if you can consciously do it.
However, you can make the (very painful) decision to distance yourself from them. I would imagine if my child turned out to be (God forbid) a serial child molester/murder or something like that I'd have to walk away, though I'd still love them on some level I imagine. But I'd mourn them as if they died and think about them all the time.
I think it depends on the crime, clearly -- I think, OP, you are alluding to extremely serious crimes (murder, rape, child abuse, and the like)... I imagine, that a parent of an adult child that commits one or more of these horrific acts will always love the memory of who their child used to be BUT I cannot imagine loving them as they are now.
Based on your questions, OP, - would I cut all ties? Yes. Would I stop loving him? As, he is now - YES, I would. The memory of him when he was a boy or even a man (prior to murdering innocent people) I could imagine loving but that's the extent of it.
But there is a big difference between loving what a person used to be and loving them now.
At any rate, the seriousness of the crime in this argument should be defined.
Yes -- and even with James Holmes, you might realize that he was apparently trying to seek some kind of psychiatric help, but imagine being the mother of Hitler, or Jeffrey Dahmer the cannibal who lobotomized his victims. Or the mother of a Hannibal Lector type. Imagine being the parent of Joran Van Der Sloot who killed Natalie Holloway and the other woman and lied his way out of the first trial. Or someone who holds dog fights and trains his dogs to fight by throwing people's pet dogs and cats in with them to encourage them to rip them apart. The recent case where the guy killed those people at the Sikh temple woud be another difficult son to still love.
It would be very hard to love what they chose to become. You would mourn them, at least the loss of what you thought they were.
I'm not sure where my limits would be. If I had a son who I knew was brutalizing his wife, abusing his children, raping his own infants --- he would become too disgusting to love.
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