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Old 09-12-2012, 05:29 PM
 
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The short answer is "because they can".
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Old 09-12-2012, 05:33 PM
 
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I have friends who had parents like this (at least in terms of financial support; NOT in terms of talking to professors or being helicopter parents). It wasn't my experience, and I do think it's good for kids to learn how to be adults, but they turned out just fine and had no problems learning how to navigate in the "real" world (some of my graduate school friends fit this category). Their parents wanted their kids to be able to concentrate fully on school without outside worries, and to be able to take advantage of all the opportunities out there that, unfortunately, are not as easily accessible to those who have fiscal concerns: unpaid or low-paid internships, for example.

And these days college is so expensive that understandably many parents would be happy to help their kids avoid starting out adult life saddled with HUGE debt if they can avoid it. I graduated from college 11 years ago, and things have changed drastically even since then, with tuition up and grants down. I don't think a parent helping their adult children to obtain a college education is coddling. (The day so of paying for a college education by working in the summer and taking a PT job in the academic year are, for the most part, gone.) But that's very different than dealing with professors or landlords on their behalf.
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Old 09-12-2012, 08:26 PM
 
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Nothing wrong with it during the college years. Sounds like someone is a little jealous.
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Old 09-12-2012, 08:52 PM
 
Location: Tricity
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Quote:
Originally Posted by golfgal View Post
The short answer is "because they can".
^^^^ This!!! ... and why not?
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Old 09-12-2012, 09:30 PM
 
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Very interesting. And you make some interesting points. I'd like to see a study on drive/work ethic as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by beb0p View Post
In high school, one of my friends (a senior) was going to get a Porsche from his parents as a graduation gift. Yes, a Porsche. But he kinda took his foot off the petal in his last semester and his grades suffered. As "punishment", his parents bought him a Lexus instead of a Porsche. My friend, true to form, was fuming mad at losing his Porsche. "Holy f***!! Only old people drive Lexus!!" He told me.

So yes, I'm quite familiar with the over privileged and pampered. What you described applies to the majority of my friends from high schools and college.

And here's the thing: in the long run, those over privileged over pampered kids eventually do figure out how to deal with the world outside of their environment. And that happens sooner than you think. Another thing that I noticed, being pampered as an adult doesn't mean you can't be very successful in life. The friend who lost his Porche to a Lexus? He graduated from Columbia University with an MBA and working in Wall Street. Needless to say, he's not starving.

When my sister was in the graduate program, I stayed with her briefly and got a chance to hang out with many grad students from NYC - PHD candidates, MBAs, Physicists, etc, from the city's surrounding schools (NYU, Columbia, Cooper Union, etc); and basically what I noticed is that those high achievers come from all walks of life - middle class, military, foreign countries, and yes even the spoiled pampered kids from rich families. They're there, among the elite. Even my sister, who'd qualified as being "coddled" under your definition.

The bottom line is that the key to success requires so much more than just "not being coddled." It's about drive, work ethic, personality, intelligence, focus, etc, etc. Two of the most coddled men that I know of are George W Bush and Mitt Romney. Now, you may not like them, but there's no denying that they managed to obtain quite a resume despite being coddled as adults.

In the end, I think some rich parents pampered their adult kids because they know it doesn't really matter in the end. If a kid has the right stuff, that kid can overcome anything; even overcome being coddled well into adulthood. What makes some people have a higher drive/focus/work ethic than others? That's a study that I've love to read up on.
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Old 09-12-2012, 09:32 PM
 
265 posts, read 496,952 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MAXIALE02 View Post
I think it's convenience and guilt. Its easier to hand out dollars than to do the time, even in parenting. And since they never did the time, they're still handing out dollars to these ill equipped, overgrown juveniles. Also if you have time, you should pick up a book called, "The Millionaire Next Door". A group of people, I can't recall their credentials studied the spending habits of rich people vs. richer people and he explains how these family dynamics work. It's a quick read compared to a text book.
I would definitely like to read that book!
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Old 09-12-2012, 09:41 PM
 
265 posts, read 496,952 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NJBOSCH View Post
Nothing wrong with it during the college years. Sounds like someone is a little jealous.
Ahem, they're in their mid 20's not exactly "college aged." And I admitted I was jealous..

Last edited by deepwater88; 09-12-2012 at 10:10 PM..
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Old 09-12-2012, 09:44 PM
 
265 posts, read 496,952 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina View Post
^^^^ This!!! ... and why not?
Because it is a parents duty to teach their grown "kids" to learn to fend for themselves and pull their own weight. It's hard to become independent if mommy and daddy are picking up the tab for EVERYTHING at age 24...
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Old 09-12-2012, 09:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
Your parents did you a huge favor by raising you the way they did and obviously your friends are at a huge disadvantage when it comes to independence and experience. Think how many strings must be attached to all those gifts.

When our kids went to college we made them take out student loans. What they did not know was that it was our plan to pay off those student loans if they successfully got their undergraduate degrees. They did and we did.
When they wanted to go to graduate school they knew it would be on their own dime. One lasted only a year while the other got his PhD. We are extremely proud of them both. At 29 and 31 they live independent lives and they know how to manage their money.

I like our way better because it meant these kids knew college was important and not something they could do just cause mom and dad were paying for it. Many of their friends partied thru school and really had noting to show for 4 years. One kid, the son of a wealthy doctor in town, had a great time at his parents expense. he dropped out after 4 years and no degree and is on his second marriage and family at only 31. Doctor Daddy is still paying his bills.

Financially we could have paid for their schooling from the get go but both of us put ourselves through college and felt our plan was best for our kids.
I think that's an excellent idea and kudos to you guys for raising successful kids! Best of luck to you all.
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Old 09-12-2012, 09:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deepwater88 View Post



I don't mean to sound judgmental or for this to come off as a loaded question, rather im genuinely curious and i admit im a bit jealous! I have a couple good friends who's parents are mostly doctors ranging the gamut from psychiatrists to surgeons. Anyhow these parents paid/pay almost all of the bills in college including rent, cell phone, meal plan, car insurance/gas, a good portion of their tuition, etc and also sometimes even give them "spending money" to do fun things such as ski trips, impromptu shopping trips in bigger cities, amusement parks,etc. Some have part time jobs but the $ usually goes to alcohol, and, more shopping. I have trouble grasping this lifestyle maybe because i was raised in a working/lower middle class family where it would be nearly unthinkable to ask my daddy for shopping money as 20 something years old. It also goes deeper than finances-a lot of these friends dont really know how to deal with landlords, financial aid officers, professors,etc and will just hand the phone to their parents. I admit I am a little envious as I grew up with parents who advocate self sufficiency and subscribe to the school of thought that once you're an adult, you should for the most part be pulling your own weight. I tell my friends this and they always seem to pity which is embarrassing and think my parents seem cold. So I beg to ask why do so many parents give their adult children a free ride to college and then often continue financing them WELL beyond college? It is about control? Fear? Guilt? Just wondering how they think these "kids" will ever learn to navigate the world or do you plan on supporting them forever?
Helicoptor parents now have kids in the their 20's. You are describing a cross section of behavior some of which is just the outcomes of wealth and in some cases you are describing the outcome of parents circling over head and trying to control. In either case much of the parental motivation is to secure the best for their children and to use the resources they have available to do it with. That as you describe even means personal intervention in their adult lives.
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