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Old 09-12-2012, 10:14 PM
 
Location: Between amicable and ornery
1,102 posts, read 1,621,371 times
Reputation: 1493

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I had to borrow money for my 2 bit education whilst I had cousins who were provided with whatever they wanted if they asked(whined, cried and begged). It took me 10 years to pay off my debt and I sacrificed a chunk of potential retirement income. These cousins today are still "asking.". I've never had to go to my father to ask for money and don't have any fear of not being self-reliant. Although my children's education will be covered, they will not see a dime until they're at least one year into college at which point I will see if they're committed and I will help them cover expenses. I don't want them to sacrifice future retirement income.

I thought my dad was so hard on me when I was younger but now I'm so resourceful and I don't have any fear of doing without because I've had that experience and I know how to survive without mommy and daddy.
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Tricity
47,661 posts, read 68,449,102 times
Reputation: 109254
Quote:
Originally Posted by deepwater88 View Post
Because it is a parents duty to teach their grown "kids" to learn to fend for themselves and pull their own weight. It's hard to become independent if mommy and daddy are picking up the tab for EVERYTHING at age 24...
This is very true here in the US, but not necessary somewhere else in the world. Also depends on culture and upbringing. Kids forced to move out at age 18, "fend for themselves and pull their own weight" when they should be supported to get a higher education struggle a lot flipping hamburgers and studying in their "free time". Many never finish anything, but start a family instead, have kids and struggle even more.
I know few families that set a date for their kids on 18th birthday to move out, told them that if they don't go on their own, the police will be called to kick them out on that day...

I don't agree with tossing kids out on their 18th birthday, and think that they should stay at home till 25, go to school, maybe get a part time job, help with household chores and save some money for the start of new, independent life.
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:52 AM
 
1,835 posts, read 2,959,632 times
Reputation: 1348
I graduated with an AA at 22, the first school I went to (Devry) had issues scheduling classes, and I wasn't a fan of the education and slacked. When I transferred, I went from a 1.8GPA at Devry to a 3.6 at ITT. My dad paid for my tuition and books. I worked part time and paid my car insurance, gas and spending money. What's so wrong with that? I know there are people worse off than me, and there are people far better off than me - I don't look at any of them different because of this, and for the life of me, I still don't get why people get so bent up at people better off than them.
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Old 09-13-2012, 01:28 PM
 
Location: DFW
6,922 posts, read 13,162,937 times
Reputation: 5395
In my culture, many parents feel obligated (if they can afford it) to pay for their childrens' college tuition, cars, and even their first house. Some support can go a long way early in life, especially if the children are mature enough not to take it for granted; however, the last one has negative economic repercussions..

The end result from parents paying for their house: the housing prices in the neighborhoods where they congregate become vastly overinflated, usually 30-50% higher than a similar quality "All-American" neighborhood. It's kinda tragic when all of that hard-earned money is wasted towards chasing the same limited housing stock when housing prices could have been more reasonable if not everyone and their family are funding this.
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Between amicable and ornery
1,102 posts, read 1,621,371 times
Reputation: 1493
Quote:
Originally Posted by ragnarkar View Post
In my culture, many parents feel obligated (if they can afford it) to pay for their childrens' college tuition, cars, and even their first house. Some support can go a long way early in life, especially if the children are mature enough not to take it for granted; however, the last one has negative economic repercussions..

The end result from parents paying for their house: the housing prices in the neighborhoods where they congregate become vastly overinflated, usually 30-50% higher than a similar quality "All-American" neighborhood. It's kinda tragic when all of that hard-earned money is wasted towards chasing the same limited housing stock when housing prices could have been more reasonable if not everyone and their family are funding this.
Ragnarkar - I can appreciate your perspective and it's good to hear cultural differences in raising children through college. I guess the thing is to make sure the student is appreciative, mature and well grounded.

The OP commented on parents paying for ski trips and the such and that's a reward of being well off. I think I find fault with spoiled children, turning into spoiled college kids, turning into spoiled adults. People will be who they will be no matter what anyone thinks. Theyre just another layer of our society.
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Old 09-13-2012, 04:26 PM
 
265 posts, read 496,517 times
Reputation: 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by ReblTeen84 View Post
I graduated with an AA at 22, the first school I went to (Devry) had issues scheduling classes, and I wasn't a fan of the education and slacked. When I transferred, I went from a 1.8GPA at Devry to a 3.6 at ITT. My dad paid for my tuition and books. I worked part time and paid my car insurance, gas and spending money. What's so wrong with that? I know there are people worse off than me, and there are people far better off than me - I don't look at any of them different because of this, and for the life of me, I still don't get why people get so bent up at people better off than them.
Never said there is anything whats so ever wrong with getting help. I think that's wonderful that your dad was able to finance your tuition and books and even better that you got your gpa up--that shows you value his money and your education alike. In contrast, What I was referring to as kind of alarming, is some of these young adults well in to their 20's (often taking 6+ years to obtain a BA) because they are not really taking their studies seriously and leaving it to mommy and daddy to pick up the pieces. They have no concept of how much things cost, budgeting, and expect to live quite lavishly like someone 20 years their senior because their overindulgent parents finance all their bills and a lot of extras. I say this because I have a few "friends" like this who have had the nerve to get irritated at me because how dare I not ask my daddy for extra "spending" money to go skiing with them, or to go "shoe shopping" in nyc because unlike them I have to work for and budget my money, god forbid lol. I get a little help too with smaller expenses like my phone bill(which I'm working toward getting my own plan), groceries here and there or if I come a little short on books,rent,etc they usually make the difference. But for the most part my parents expect me to be an adult and it's not exactly a parents responsibility to finance their 20 something's shopping sprees...

Last edited by deepwater88; 09-13-2012 at 04:42 PM..
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Old 09-13-2012, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Boise, ID
8,047 posts, read 26,461,526 times
Reputation: 9396
I have no problem with parents helping their kids get a start in life, if they can afford it, and AS LONG AS the kids are made to understand they are not entitled, and have to do their part to earn the assistance.

My parents gave me a car when I turned 16. Of course, it was the car they bought 3 years before I was born. When I was 18 and in college, and driving on the freeway a lot, and that car proved unreliable (imagine that), they took that car back and cosigned for me to buy a new car, and made the payments as long as I continued in school. My tuition was on a scholarship, and I worked summers and Christmas break to pay for books, food, etc. They paid for my housing. Them cosigning and making my payments for the first 3 years (I paid the final 2 years after graduating) also helped me build credit. But as long as I was in school, school was my job.

When I built my house, my parents were the builders (that is what they do for a living), and they gifted me their entire builder's profit for my down payment (so it didn't cost them anything out of pocket, but they didn't make anything either). I was 25 and married at that time.

My sister got basically the exact same deal. Cosigned on a car, and builder's profit for down payment. She also went to college on a scholarship.

So some might say I've been coddled, but I don't think I have been. I didn't feel entitled to either thing and was grateful that they were offered. I would never ask them for anything, and am very good with managing my money.

I guess my point is that "coddling" is subjective. You have your definition, but for someone else, you might be considered coddled, because your parents didn't kick you out on your 18th birthday with $100 in your pocket. And someone else might consider that person coddled because they themselves had druggie parents and were the "adult" of the household since the age of 10. Etc.
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Old 09-13-2012, 05:07 PM
 
265 posts, read 496,517 times
Reputation: 298
Quote:
Originally Posted by MAXIALE02 View Post
Ragnarkar - I can appreciate your perspective and it's good to hear cultural differences in raising children through college. I guess the thing is to make sure the student is appreciative, mature and well grounded.

The OP commented on parents paying for ski trips and the such and that's a reward of being well off. I think I find fault with spoiled children, turning into spoiled college kids, turning into spoiled adults. People will be who they will be no matter what anyone thinks. They're just another layer of our society.
This^. There are indeed different cultural perspectives and I can certainly respect and appreciate that. Keyword is APPRECIATE. Hers a little insight: the one particular girl (who I'm ready to cut off) called me a few weeks ago telling me how she was seriously debating whether or not to go to class because she wanted a new purse but her doctor mommy didn't get paid for 2 more weeks so :gasp: she might have to use the same one from last semester in the meantime...yeah this is a 24 year old WOMAN..acting like she's 14. And I'm not talking a bag from target. This is someone who typically drops atleast $200-300 if not more on a purse. This just so happens to be the same person who failed all 4 of her classes this past semester and is now almost on her 6th year working on a sociology degree, lol. She's also been known to pick fights with me (and some of her other more "working class" or "normal" friends because we couldn't afford to go to disney world on SB with her, or shopping in nyc, etc because SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GO ALONE. Do you see what I'm getting at here?! Completely self centered and entitled. It is people like this that leave a sour taste in my mouth about these spoiled adults. What did she do with the money she earned from her summer job (again, working for mommy)- spent every dime on clothes, alcohol, cigarettes, and makeup. Not a PENNY saved.

On the otherhand, I have a few other friends who are also quite privileged financially, but they are self sufficient as far as dealing with authority, and they are also very appreciative(or atleast appear to be) and sensitive to other peoples financial situation who maybe aren't as well off. They make good grades(some deans list), hold jobs/internships, and DO know how to budget and save AND are for the most part totally kind and selfless. So yes it can be done it's just I've seen too many overindulged kids go bad.

Last edited by deepwater88; 09-13-2012 at 05:28 PM..
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Old 09-13-2012, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,255 posts, read 58,582,145 times
Reputation: 73664
???????
I'm sorry. Do you have any idea how many 'poor' people I meet every day who totally spoil their kids?
This op has no premise.
The new style of parenting, PERIOD, is spoiling and coddling.
This spans all income levels.
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Old 09-13-2012, 06:00 PM
 
31,111 posts, read 37,882,271 times
Reputation: 13406
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lacerta View Post
I have no problem with parents helping their kids get a start in life, if they can afford it, and AS LONG AS the kids are made to understand they are not entitled, and have to do their part to earn the assistance.

My parents gave me a car when I turned 16. Of course, it was the car they bought 3 years before I was born. When I was 18 and in college, and driving on the freeway a lot, and that car proved unreliable (imagine that), they took that car back and cosigned for me to buy a new car, and made the payments as long as I continued in school. My tuition was on a scholarship, and I worked summers and Christmas break to pay for books, food, etc. They paid for my housing. Them cosigning and making my payments for the first 3 years (I paid the final 2 years after graduating) also helped me build credit. But as long as I was in school, school was my job.

When I built my house, my parents were the builders (that is what they do for a living), and they gifted me their entire builder's profit for my down payment (so it didn't cost them anything out of pocket, but they didn't make anything either). I was 25 and married at that time.

My sister got basically the exact same deal. Cosigned on a car, and builder's profit for down payment. She also went to college on a scholarship.

So some might say I've been coddled, but I don't think I have been. I didn't feel entitled to either thing and was grateful that they were offered. I would never ask them for anything, and am very good with managing my money.

I guess my point is that "coddling" is subjective. You have your definition, but for someone else, you might be considered coddled, because your parents didn't kick you out on your 18th birthday with $100 in your pocket. And someone else might consider that person coddled because they themselves had druggie parents and were the "adult" of the household since the age of 10. Etc.
With each of our sons we bought a new car for ourselves when they graduated from high school and started college. Upon graduating from college the car was given to them as a graduation present which meant they had a 4-5 year old car that was paid for and well maintained that they were familiar and comfortable with.
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