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Old 09-16-2012, 12:41 PM
 
35,103 posts, read 45,981,733 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
In a nutshell, because they can afford it. The parents are nurturing in the best way they know how. They don't want their kids to struggle in school and they want them to be able to let their hair down. They don't see it as coddling so much as enabling them to get better grades and feel less stress while in school by not heaping a job on top of everything else.

I suspect there is also an element of control here. Being the holder of the purse strings is a powerful position. They want their kids to do well in school and they want them to behave in respectable ways. Threatening to pull those purse strings shut is powerful. I went to school with four sisters who towed the line because daddy would pull their funding if they didn't. He told them point blank if they were seen so much as holding hands with a boy, they were cut off. These girls did things like fly to Greece to buy shower favors for their older sister's wedding. They were not going go cross their father and lose that lifestyle.

Seriously, sometimes I wish I had the kind of leverage on my kids that wealthier parents have on theirs. I don't consider it coddling so much as making sure their investment doesn't go south. Kids can get in with the wrong crowd in college and really screw up.
Kids can get into the wrong crowd at any age, even well into their alleged adult years no matter how they were raised.
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Old 09-16-2012, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,388 posts, read 33,080,379 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Kids can get into the wrong crowd at any age, even well into their alleged adult years no matter how they were raised.
Agreed but I see parents of means who hold the purse strings as having more power over that. Some kids are going to get into trouble anyway but I teach kids, every day, who tow the line because they know what side their bread is buttered on. When their parents say jump, they ask "How high?". Sure there are some who don't and they get cut off and learn in the school of hard knocks but for many, the parents spare them those painful lessons.

From where I sit, being a parent of means who holds the purse strings is a powerful thing with many kids.
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Old 09-16-2012, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
23,596 posts, read 25,840,011 times
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For some perhaps. There are many ways to communicate your hopes and expectations to your children. I'd be devastated if I felt the only reason my kids behaved a certain way was because they wanted to keep the cash flowing. As parents our goal was (and continues to be) to raise children who respected us, felt capable and encouraged to make their own decisions (including those we disagreed with) and learned from their experiences both good and bad. And to be good people along the way. I never expected this would occur without bumps inthe road.
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Old 09-16-2012, 07:24 PM
 
Location: here
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I think there is a big difference between supporting a child through college, and supporting them well beyond. Your post doesn't make the distinction. A lot of parents pay college tuition and living expenses. I don't consider that coddling.
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Old 09-16-2012, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn, New York
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A friend of mine was spoiled in that way at 16 he got a Mercedes Benz as his first car. They also paid for his education and an apartment in NYC his parents are Romanian and that's just what they do. My friend isn't a brat or whiney that's just how he knows thing to be. He also very smart and works fulltime.
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Old 09-16-2012, 08:32 PM
 
16,833 posts, read 15,895,722 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deepwater88 View Post

I don't mean to sound judgmental or for this to come off as a loaded question, rather im genuinely curious and i admit im a bit jealous! I have a couple good friends who's parents are mostly doctors ranging the gamut from psychiatrists to surgeons. Anyhow these parents paid/pay almost all of the bills in college including rent, cell phone, meal plan, car insurance/gas, a good portion of their tuition, etc and also sometimes even give them "spending money" to do fun things such as ski trips, impromptu shopping trips in bigger cities, amusement parks,etc. Some have part time jobs but the $ usually goes to alcohol, and, more shopping. I have trouble grasping this lifestyle maybe because i was raised in a working/lower middle class family where it would be nearly unthinkable to ask my daddy for shopping money as 20 something years old. It also goes deeper than finances-a lot of these friends dont really know how to deal with landlords, financial aid officers, professors,etc and will just hand the phone to their parents. I admit I am a little envious as I grew up with parents who advocate self sufficiency and subscribe to the school of thought that once you're an adult, you should for the most part be pulling your own weight. I tell my friends this and they always seem to pity which is embarrassing and think my parents seem cold. So I beg to ask why do so many parents give their adult children a free ride to college and then often continue financing them WELL beyond college? It is about control? Fear? Guilt? Just wondering how they think these "kids" will ever learn to navigate the world or do you plan on supporting them forever?
This is nothing new in the slightest. My grandparents had their way paid through school, so did my father. And to be perfectly honest it does work. The best indicators of potential wealth of children is the wealth of their parents.

All the working class hero stuff aside, it is better for students if their primary focus is education and not a job and certainly not "ski trips" and "alcohol.

As for my child, she earned her own free ride, so I have no problem paying for her phone, clothes, spending money etc. And I will continue to do so right through grad school. On a fundamental level it makes financial sense as well. My child is not a "partier" so not working helps her keep her grades and thus scholarship money up there. So if I have to give her an allowance to avoid paying tens of thousands of dollars a semester, so be it.
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Old 09-16-2012, 08:59 PM
 
265 posts, read 496,486 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
This is nothing new in the slightest. My grandparents had their way paid through school, so did my father. And to be perfectly honest it does work. The best indicators of potential wealth of children is the wealth of their parents.

All the working class hero stuff aside, it is better for students if their primary focus is education and not a job and certainly not "ski trips" and "alcohol.

As for my child, she earned her own free ride, so I have no problem paying for her phone, clothes, spending money etc. And I will continue to do so right through grad school. On a fundamental level it makes financial sense as well. My child is not a "partier" so not working helps her keep her grades and thus scholarship money up there. So if I have to give her an allowance to avoid paying tens of thousands of dollars a semester, so be it.
That's cool that your daughter earned a scholarship. She sounds very deserving of any help and isn't partying and taking her studies seriously so more power to her. These aren't the type of people I was referring to. Rather the kids that seem to just MUDDLE (or party) their way through often doing the bare minimum just to make a 'c' not caring because they know mommy and daddy will keep picking up the tab. If you read my above posts I described a girl like this who's a sociology major, she's on her 6th year working on a ba and has been known to fail and skip classes despite being very bright and capable. However, if you are dealing with a serious and APPRECIATIVE student then by all means the more help the better. No sense in wasting time flipping burgers if they are truly dedicated to bettering themselves. The aforementioned girl is an example of someone who is not.

I'm sorry but I politely disagree about the best indicators of wealth are being from the parents. I know MANY people who came from nothing and made it to the top. I also know quite a few who came from humble backgrounds and aren't earning a fortune but have excellent credit,little to no debt and a significant amount in savings AND investments. This is due to knowing how to budget and manage money. Yes, there are those kids who will never have to work a day in their life because they are trust fund babies who will always have everything handed to them. Frankly I'd want nothing to do with someone like that because they tend to be narcissistic, materialistic and entitled.

One last thought: Struggling a bit and having to do without or wait on some luxuries BUILDS CHARACTER. I'm not saying anyone should have to go to bed hungry but sometimes having to save and budget teaches patience and also discourages materialism. Just my 2

Last edited by deepwater88; 09-16-2012 at 09:14 PM..
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Old 09-17-2012, 06:26 AM
 
652 posts, read 979,826 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deepwater88 View Post
That's cool that your daughter earned a scholarship. She sounds very deserving of any help and isn't partying and taking her studies seriously so more power to her. These aren't the type of people I was referring to. Rather the kids that seem to just MUDDLE (or party) their way through often doing the bare minimum just to make a 'c' not caring because they know mommy and daddy will keep picking up the tab. If you read my above posts I described a girl like this who's a sociology major, she's on her 6th year working on a ba and has been known to fail and skip classes despite being very bright and capable. However, if you are dealing with a serious and APPRECIATIVE student then by all means the more help the better. No sense in wasting time flipping burgers if they are truly dedicated to bettering themselves. The aforementioned girl is an example of someone who is not.

I'm sorry but I politely disagree about the best indicators of wealth are being from the parents. I know MANY people who came from nothing and made it to the top. I also know quite a few who came from humble backgrounds and aren't earning a fortune but have excellent credit,little to no debt and a significant amount in savings AND investments. This is due to knowing how to budget and manage money. Yes, there are those kids who will never have to work a day in their life because they are trust fund babies who will always have everything handed to them. Frankly I'd want nothing to do with someone like that because they tend to be narcissistic, materialistic and entitled.

One last thought: Struggling a bit and having to do without or wait on some luxuries BUILDS CHARACTER. I'm not saying anyone should have to go to bed hungry but sometimes having to save and budget teaches patience and also discourages materialism. Just my 2
So you are talking about a small portion of kids from wealthy parents then. In your OP you used the example of kids who had physicians for parents...those really aren't trust fund babies.

Struggling doesn't automatically build character or help someone make better financial choices. I used to work a job years ago that due to the low wage most of us would get hefty tax refunds. You'd be surprised how fast these would disappear on frivolous things...these people weren't at all trying to budget. A lot of these same people would go out and get fast food lunches almost daily.

One more thing about wealth. If one has parents who have had some financial success, chances are they've heard their parents talk about the stock market, rental properties, pros and cons of various investments, ins and outs of mortgages, etc....that can be very instructional in itself.

What you are proposing in the OP is something that suggests these groups of people would be flip flopping in status in every generation...which isn't the case, for the most part.

Last edited by Fleur66; 09-17-2012 at 07:08 AM..
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Old 09-17-2012, 09:59 AM
 
11,642 posts, read 22,145,194 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deepwater88 View Post
I'm sorry but I politely disagree about the best indicators of wealth are being from the parents. I know MANY people who came from nothing and made it to the top. I also know quite a few who came from humble backgrounds and aren't earning a fortune but have excellent credit,little to no debt and a significant amount in savings AND investments. This is due to knowing how to budget and manage money. Yes, there are those kids who will never have to work a day in their life because they are trust fund babies who will always have everything handed to them. Frankly I'd want nothing to do with someone like that because they tend to be narcissistic, materialistic and entitled.

One last thought: Struggling a bit and having to do without or wait on some luxuries BUILDS CHARACTER. I'm not saying anyone should have to go to bed hungry but sometimes having to save and budget teaches patience and also discourages materialism. Just my 2
This article is old but pretty comprehensive:

The Future of Children -

The authors conclude that the SES of the family is a strong predictor of later financial success. That does not mean that it is the ONLY predictor. There will always be outliers. My husband and I are outliers. We come from lower middle class families with only one of our four parents graduating from college. Yet we have each been financially successful. So of course, it can be done. The authors examine many of the factors that affect social mobility not just parental wealth.

The article is long and very informative. It does deal with the strong effect that parental income has on social mobility. One of the things the authors write is:

"One reason why children from high-income families are more successful than those from low-income families is that some of the attributes that contribute to success in both generations— ability, motivation, and health—are at least partially inherited. In other words, genes matter, and short of genetic engineering, children from different socioeconomic backgrounds will always have unequal chances for this reason alone.

A second reason why children of higher status parents are more successful economically is that their parents often work hard to give them a variety of advantages, and by virtue of their income, education, and social networks, have the means to do so."

I think that the first part of the statement is something that cannot be controlled. However, parents who think that purposely making it more difficult for their children to obtain a college education (and access to social networks) are not doing their kids any favors. That is not to say that parents must go broke providing their children with a college education. It's fine to place limits on kids and to require that they be successful in school to continue funding.

However, parents who purport to want to see their children succeed should consider helping their adult children obtain a college education in ways that appropriate to the individual family. For some that will mean paying tuition. For others it will mean allowing the child to continue to live at home or helping with a car. Nobody should have to go broke sending their child to college. However, I do think that parents should help their children obtain a college education to the extent that they can help.
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Old 09-17-2012, 04:59 PM
 
16,833 posts, read 15,895,722 times
Reputation: 20799
Quote:
Originally Posted by deepwater88 View Post
That's cool that your daughter earned a scholarship. She sounds very deserving of any help and isn't partying and taking her studies seriously so more power to her. These aren't the type of people I was referring to. Rather the kids that seem to just MUDDLE (or party) their way through often doing the bare minimum just to make a 'c' not caring because they know mommy and daddy will keep picking up the tab. If you read my above posts I described a girl like this who's a sociology major, she's on her 6th year working on a ba and has been known to fail and skip classes despite being very bright and capable. However, if you are dealing with a serious and APPRECIATIVE student then by all means the more help the better. No sense in wasting time flipping burgers if they are truly dedicated to bettering themselves. The aforementioned girl is an example of someone who is not.

I'm sorry but I politely disagree about the best indicators of wealth are being from the parents. I know MANY people who came from nothing and made it to the top. I also know quite a few who came from humble backgrounds and aren't earning a fortune but have excellent credit,little to no debt and a significant amount in savings AND investments. This is due to knowing how to budget and manage money. Yes, there are those kids who will never have to work a day in their life because they are trust fund babies who will always have everything handed to them. Frankly I'd want nothing to do with someone like that because they tend to be narcissistic, materialistic and entitled.

One last thought: Struggling a bit and having to do without or wait on some luxuries BUILDS CHARACTER. I'm not saying anyone should have to go to bed hungry but sometimes having to save and budget teaches patience and also discourages materialism. Just my 2
You can disagree with opinions, but disagreeing with facts is foolish.

THE INTERGENERATIONAL CORRELATION BETWEEN CHILDREN'S ADULT EARNINGS AND THEIR PARENTS' INCOME: RESULTS FROM THE MICHIGAN PANEL SURVEY OF INCOME DYNAMICS - Behrman - 2005 - Review of Income and Wealth - Wiley Online Library
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j...D_kcvQ&cad=rja
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j...-R8aKWf691EbIA

The fact remains that there is a strong correlation between wealth of parents and wealth of children and all the anecdotes we know about "self made" whoever does not change that FACT. I teach both at a high school and at a university. I don't see the hoardes of drunken rich kids that we like to pretend are the majority of college students. Parties exist, but they always have, and are nothing particularly new. Wealthy kids if anything occupy a smaller percentage of students than they have before because more and more middle and lower income students are going to schools.

Finally, how do you think the wealthy got and remain that way? In good part by knowing the ins and outs of saving and budgeting. If people are just throwing money away they are not going to remain wealthy for long.
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