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anifani- That's wonderful that they turned out well! However I find it interesting that you seem to harbor resentment at your parents for making you work, but obviously it did help to some degree as YOU TURNED OUT SUCCESSFUL and are now in a position to help your son and stepchildren. Do you see the pattern?
Not saying "kids" should have to struggle or go hungry in college, but going without certain luxuries or having to wait and budget certainly builds character. It also teaches delayed gratification which is a vital skill in this world yet so many are lacking.
Hmm, it seems like you are trying to suggest that kids who have parents that pay for college don't have develop character, or can't deal with delayed gratification. In the long term it really doesn't turn out like that though.
So suffering is the reason that this person turned out well as opposed to turning out well IN SPITE of it? Should we go find some kids who were abused, and tell the ones that got past it that "obviously it did help to some degree as YOU TURNED OUT SUCCESSFUL"?
Because the reality is that the kids from wealthy families usually turn out successful themselves, despite not being made to struggle to make ends meet. It is possible to learn all of the things above while not being forced to work in college. My daughter does have a job, SCHOOL, and she works very hard at it. And is learning delayed gratification and a work ethic, while being supported by both her scholarships (which she WORKED very hard for) and her family.
Sometimes wealthy kids turn out to be successful. Sometimes, not so much.
Hmm, it seems like you are trying to suggest that kids who have parents that pay for college don't have develop character, or can't deal with delayed gratification. In the long term it really doesn't turn out like that though.
Betsy-that's not quite what I was saying. Paying for college is one thing. I'm talking about parents who finance EVERYTHING often well beyond college-including living, entertainment, and travel expenses,etc. Paying for tuition and giving you're 23 yo daughter $500 to go shopping just because is something totally different.
Paying for tuition and giving you're 23 yo daughter $500 to go shopping just because is something totally different.
$500 to the truly wealthy can be the equivalent of $20 to the middle class. I've been known to slip a twenty (or more) to my adult children "just because". I'll tell them to top off their gas tank with it which is really our code for "Mom's thinking of you and still worries."
Are parents not supposed to do that? Because I'll probably still be doing it when I'm 90 and visiting them in the home.
(Sorry, I'm still not sure exactly what "coddling" is. To me "coddling" is keeping Junior from ever moving out and having his own life because the parent wants to baby him. And I've seen that attitude in the working class. I have one friend whose mother has major bucks. Mom pays for daughter (and her family) to fly first class. Even though daughter is grown and married and has children. Is that coddling? Dang, someone wanted to pay for my first class ticket, I'd take it, lol. My friend is very normal. Doesn't act spoiled. She just has an extremely wealthy mother.)
I didn't watch the documentary. i think though when rich kids aren't as successful as their parents it stands out a lot more, and people comment about it more.
Here is an example.
Mary is wealthy. Her son dropped out of college a few years ago. Choice 1.. He is working at a low paying restaurant job. Or, choice 2 perhaps he is working at a well paying job in an investment firm, and he did finish college.
Jane has always struggled. Her son has the same two potential choices that Mary's son does.
People view the potential outcomes differently depending on the family background. The kid who comes from the wealthy background but doesn't do well, generates a lot more negative commentary...especially if all of his siblings do well.
$500 to the truly wealthy can be the equivalent of $20 to the middle class. I've been known to slip a twenty (or more) to my adult children "just because". I'll tell them to top off their gas tank with it which is really our code for "Mom's thinking of you and still worries."
Are parents not supposed to do that? Because I'll probably still be doing it when I'm 90 and visiting them in the home.
(Sorry, I'm still not sure exactly what "coddling" is. To me "coddling" is keeping Junior from ever moving out and having his own life because the parent wants to baby him. And I've seen that attitude in the working class. I have one friend whose mother has major bucks. Mom pays for daughter (and her family) to fly first class. Even though daughter is grown and married and has children. Is that coddling? Dang, someone wanted to pay for my first class ticket, I'd take it, lol. My friend is very normal. Doesn't act spoiled. She just has an extremely wealthy mother.)
$500 to the truly wealthy can be the equivalent of $20 to the middle class. I've been known to slip a twenty (or more) to my adult children "just because". I'll tell them to top off their gas tank with it which is really our code for "Mom's thinking of you and still worries."
Are parents not supposed to do that? Because I'll probably still be doing it when I'm 90 and visiting them in the home.
(Sorry, I'm still not sure exactly what "coddling" is. To me "coddling" is keeping Junior from ever moving out and having his own life because the parent wants to baby him. And I've seen that attitude in the working class. I have one friend whose mother has major bucks. Mom pays for daughter (and her family) to fly first class. Even though daughter is grown and married and has children. Is that coddling? Dang, someone wanted to pay for my first class ticket, I'd take it, lol. My friend is very normal. Doesn't act spoiled. She just has an extremely wealthy mother.)
I have to agree that just paying for things is not necessarily coddling a child. When the family has the resources to support their kids through school I can't see the harm in doing so. We just saw our son for the first time in two months. We did take him shopping while we were in Cleveland since he did not own a winter coat or winter boots until we bought him some. We also took him out for a few good meals while we were there.
To me paying for those things is not coddling him. Coddling him would have been not letting him move to Cleveland because I didn't want him so far from home. Not letting him register for classes on his own would be coddling him. He is going to a career fair to try to get an internship for the summer. He is writing his resume for that event. If I were writing his resume I would be coddling him. He did ask me if I would look at it after he finished it.
I think that people don't understand that different families have different resources and what is comfortable for some families is an over indulgence for others. Just buying a kid stuff is not coddling them.
I have to agree that just paying for things is not necessarily coddling a child. When the family has the resources to support their kids through school I can't see the harm in doing so. We just saw our son for the first time in two months. We did take him shopping while we were in Cleveland since he did not own a winter coat or winter boots until we bought him some. We also took him out for a few good meals while we were there.
To me paying for those things is not coddling him. Coddling him would have been not letting him move to Cleveland because I didn't want him so far from home. Not letting him register for classes on his own would be coddling him. He is going to a career fair to try to get an internship for the summer. He is writing his resume for that event. If I were writing his resume I would be coddling him. He did ask me if I would look at it after he finished it.
I think that people don't understand that different families have different resources and what is comfortable for some families is an over indulgence for others. Just buying a kid stuff is not coddling them.
I agree totally. Different classes, different priorities. Class and money are often confused. I am not terribly wealthy but I was raised in an upper middle class environment.
I also agree with your definition of what constitutes coddling. Coddling cripples and is inappropriate. We sacrifice for our children, particularly in the area of education. It is my pleasure to clothe my 16 and 18 year olds. I do not see it as a burden.
We also enjoy dining out and cultural activities with our children. The cost money and we are willing to pay. My son wants to spend intersession in Costa Rica in a credit bearing program. We are all for this. And we will support it in any way we can, including financially.
It's a gift to be able to give to your children.
( would like to give you rep but CD says I can't Next time)
P.S. I can not believe that in the 21st century that there are still people who do not see college as essential and who have contempt for higher education.
Upper class families supporting (or coddling) their adult children is nothing new. It's happened for centuries.
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Next time)
