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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Are you similar in how you raise your child/children as your parents were?
Of course it's hard to compare since you were going from a different perspective, but is there any area you notice you are like your parents, any area you differ?
In terms of affection, discipline, boundaries, parenting 'style'.etc...
Are you similar in how you raise your child/children as your parents were?
Of course it's hard to compare since you were going from a different perspective, but is there any area you notice you are like your parents, any area you differ?
In terms of affection, discipline, boundaries, parenting 'style'.etc...
No! That is why I had to go do a bunch of learning and re-thinking. I did not want to raise my kids with a pile of guilt and shame.
I do notice similarities in our parenting styles, especially when I say something to my daughters and can "hear" my mom's or dad's voice saying the same thing to me. However, there are some aspects that I wish I was more like my parents (I could use more patience). And there are some aspects that are different (I am more openly affectionate than they were).
Edited to add: I think my parents did a pretty darn good job raising me and my siblings, so I am okay with having a similar style.
Yes. Stricter in some things, more lenient in others but I'm pretty much the same.
I decided not to make some areas battlezones - the dinner table for one, if a child says he doesn't like peas, I don't believe in making that child eat them. And I'm a lot more lenient on bed times because I see no reason to lay in bed when you're not tired just because some clock says something.
Where I'm stricter is -- my parents would let us roam about -- no cell phones and today it would seem like neglect. We'd pack a sandwich and get on our bikes by 8 am and there were times we didn't come home until dark. We'd explore abandoned houses, barns, find woods and new lakes and ponds, take the horses out miles and miles and no one would have known where to find us.
Yes. Stricter in some things, more lenient in others but I'm pretty much the same.
I decided not to make some areas battlezones - the dinner table for one, if a child says he doesn't like peas, I don't believe in making that child eat them. And I'm a lot more lenient on bed times because I see no reason to lay in bed when you're not tired just because some clock says something.
Where I'm stricter is -- my parents would let us roam about -- no cell phones and today it would seem like neglect. We'd pack a sandwich and get on our bikes by 8 am and there were times we didn't come home until dark. We'd explore abandoned houses, barns, find woods and new lakes and ponds, take the horses out miles and miles and no one would have known where to find us.
Yep, that was my childhood as well - we roamed everywhere!
My parents weren't college educated - although my Dad was in Mensa, and my mom went back to school much later in life. I have a much higher expectation for my daughter to go to school than they did for us girls, I think
I was also forced to go to church as a child and really resented it, my daughter is exposed to other religions and taught to respect other peoples beliefs but she's free to explore her own spiritual path...
We travel with our daughter and she's exposed to travel, art, live music and dance, all sorts of food, etc... things I didn't experience until I was in my 20's.
Also - my daughter is being raised to be more open or accepting of others. I don't think that my parents, relatives, were racisit exactly. Xenophobic might be a better term.
In some ways, it's hard to compare - I'm a lot older than my parents were (mom was 21, I was 41 when I had my daughter) and we have bettter resources (information, finances, etc..)
She was a clean freak. I don't mind a little dust.
She forced me to eat foods I hate. My son was never forced to eat foods he hates.
I could sit here and list a ton of opposites, but I won't.
My mom lived with me and my son for the last twenty years of her life. Even though she was the one who worked and paid the bills (her choice!) it was MY house to run and she liked it that way. Mom worked, I took care of everything else. I treated her like a queen. She only did housework or cooking if she wanted to; and I paid her to babysit whenever I went out for a night of fun.
Oh yes, we got into a lot of heated discussions about the way I was doing things with my son, but in the end she realized it was my child, my choice. I'm happy to say that it only took her about ten years to understand.
She also learned to lived with the dust. After all, every surface in the living room (and her bedroom) was covered with her collections of knick-knacks, bells, etc.. Talk about a tedious job. I hated that more than anything else!
My parents are very different from each other and I was shaped by both of them. As far as my parenting, there are some similarities to each of them and some things that are different from both of them. Interestingly, my husband and I are very much on the same page about parenting philosophy (he was raised differently still).
My general thought in approaching anything is not to blanket accept or do just because that's what I know nor to blanket reject or not do just because that's how I was raised. There are many aspects of my parents' parenting that I think were effective, my husband and I do differently the parts we think were less so. It will be interesting to see what choices my kids make if they decide to become parents - my guess is that they too will take what works and leave the rest.
God I hope not!!!~!
Father was career army officer and we were raised like little soldiers with demerits and all. mother sat passively by cause after all...he was in charge. Little general we called him behind his back.
Dh and I believe in strong discipline but no hitting, spanking or humiliation.
7 kids tell us we have done alright.
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