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Were ARE all these impolite, rude, sassy children?
If you are talking elementary-age I'd beg to disagree. I'm continually impressed with the very old-fashioned manners of the kids I come into contact with. Yes. No. Please. Thank you. A knock at the door, "Sorry to bother you, Mrs. D. But our ball went into your yard may we please get it?"
I was wondering the same. I can't think of very many times where I have encountered rude, impolite, sassy children, especially not little ones. I have noticed teens being rude and impolite to one another but almost always polite to adults and small children.
Nope. I used to think behavior was a reflection of parenting, now I know that it isn't.
My son with ADHD is impulsive and often just can't control things like getting up from his seat or talking out of turn. I can't completely parent him out of something that is going on in his brain.
However, some things do come from parenting. My son may be hyper but he has stellar manners and understands kindness, I like to thnk those things come from my husband and I's efforts.
Not big. HUGE. Probably the most significant of all of them.
Unfortunately, this factor is as invisible as it is important because at this level, all children in one generation will be pretty much the same.
Just try to compare the typical behavior of an average contemporary child with the behavior of a child of the 30s, based on the standards of the 30s. The former would come across as a horribly impolite, sassy, entitled, spoilt, inconsiderate... overall unacceptable-for-that-generation child.
I don't see it.
I would almost guess that in general kids end up very much like their parents and grandparents.
I think what really happens is when parents tell their kids of their own childhoods, they leave out a lot of stuff and pad the truth. "Son.....when I was your age, I wanted to go to school so much that I walked 5 miles through 5 foot snow drifts.....up hill both going and coming back......"
Not big. HUGE. Probably the most significant of all of them.
Unfortunately, this factor is as invisible as it is important because at this level, all children in one generation will be pretty much the same.
Just try to compare the typical behavior of an average contemporary child with the behavior of a child of the 30s, based on the standards of the 30s. The former would come across as a horribly impolite, sassy, entitled, spoilt, inconsiderate... overall unacceptable-for-that-generation child.
While I agree that the overall culture has an effect on children I don't agree that all children of one generation turn out exactly the same. The overall culture does influence people growing up with similar cultural experiences, however it does not influence everyone in the same way. People react differently to cultural influences.
Plus-I really don't see a tremendous amount of poorly behaved kids. I usually have a house full of middle/high school kids at my house and I don't notice that they are rude, inconsiderate or impolite. Most of them say please and thank you most of the time. They're kids so sometimes they forget but most of the time they don't. I don't think my kids can have the only nice friends of an entire generation. There are nice kids out there. At least in Fort Lauderdale.
I think obviously parents and how they raise their children have a great effect on the child's behavior, but I do not think you can blame all bad bahavior on the parents. Once the children get older and into puberty you are more apt to see negative behavior related to surging hormones etc. that cannot always be blamed on the parents.
Not always, no. Parenting does influence children's behavior but it is not the only influence.
I find it kind of amusing that there is a trend for "taking credit" for good behavior in our kids and disavowing parenting impact on negative behavior when we talk about ourselves, but people tend to blame "poor parenting" for other children's negative behaviors.
Good article, Zim. Thanks for sharing. The funny thing about parenting, at least for me, is that we are learning and changing too. Well....at least SOME of us are learning and changing. LOL I remember judging other parents harshly, for the way their teens acted out. I tried to be the best parent I could, tried to model the most appropriate behaviors, knowing in my heart that my children would grow up to be kind, polite, responsible, respectful, tolerant human beings. Then I had a teen rebel and go off the deep end. If OTHER parents were at fault for their children's behavior, then I MUST have caused my son's behavior as well! OMG! I was one of THOSE terrible parents!!! After all, my beliefs have always been, "There is ONE set of rules.....ONE set of standards that we ALL must be held to!!"
That was then...this is now. Yes, I had to wake up to the fact that my child (and THEIR children) were, in fact, their own person/s. I had to come to the realization that children's behavior is so closely monitored and guided, before they enter school. Think about it...at home and daycare, they're watched closely and being protected from bad influences (well....SOME children). Once they get into school, especially if they're involved in outside activities, they are only spending a few hrs of waking time with their parents. The rest of that time is spent with their "peers". They are in survival mode, learning how to "fit in" or cope in an environment which might be far better or worse than the one they were raised in. It wasn't my fault...but then, it's no MY success either, that my other 3 children are amazing, responsible, kind, fantastic people. It IS my good fortune though. LOL
This is a subject that can be analyzed over and over and over and never come to the same conclusion.
Age plays a huge factor first and foremost. Most kids 5 and under will absolutely be a general reflection of their parents/family.
Kids 6-12 will be influenced far more by other contributions and kids 13 and up even more influenced/affected.
I think at the base of it all kids are reflections of their parents, but each individual has so many other aspects that affect them as they age that the end results are always going to be quite varied.
One would assume kids raised together and reasonably close in age are parented the same yet we all know one member of a family can turn completely from the way he was raised while a sibling may be a perfect reflection of family values and manners. Look at Jimmy Carter and his brother Billy. Both incredibly smart but Bill's beer guzzling and poor manners were a big embarrassment to their family. In my own family I turned into a law abiding responsible woman while my brother, much smarter than I was, was a dead beat father who could not hold a job and died at 57 heavily in debt, on his 3rd divorce. Good parenting can only do so much.
Plus-I really don't see a tremendous amount of poorly behaved kids.
"Poorly behaved" by which standards?
What everybody successfully managed to overlook in that line I wrote was "by the standards of the 30's".
You don't see a lot of poorly behaved kids because your standards of perfectly acceptable behavior are standards of the 2000's, not standards of the 30's.
This was exactly the point: the generational factor is huge.
Kids who fail to respectfully greet adults, who always have the adults greet them while they don't even look at the adults (most kids I see), kids who talk to parents using :"seriooousssly??" with a super sassy tone (I have seen tons)...well...such examples would NOT have been judged "perfectly OK" using the standards of the past.
A child of those times would have been expected to behave humbly and respectfully towards adults (including initiate the greeting, hat off, eyes kept down, sir/m'am, etc), and to NOT attract attention to themselves when other adults are around.
It's all about standards. What is considered "respectful" today would not have passed as such in the past.
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