How to tell my daughter... (custody, divorced, parent, girl)

[mitopcat]

My daughter is 8 years old (and yes, as the joke goes, going on 16). A friend of mine came over one night, unannounced. My daughter was quick to introduce herself and say, "Are you my daddies crush?!"

As cute as that may seem, I was embarrassed. Now I'm afraid to bring over any friend, especially a girl.

Even though she's 8, she wants me to get a girlfriend. What she doesn't understand is is that I don't.

A girl from our apartment complex came up to our door and asked for help. Their car was dead but didn't have any idea what caused it, so I went to investigate. As soon as I came back she said the same thing, "Is that your girlfriend?"

I've tried telling her many times it just doesn't work that way. I can't seem to get it through to her that I'm really not looking.

Has any of you had this issue? How did you get your kids to finally understand that it takes time?

[no kudzu]

I've not had to deal with this but I've had to deal with kids sometimes saying inappropriate things which is basically what this is about.

Does she have a mother or mother figure in her life? if not she may be having fantasies about filling that void and her mouth gets ahead of her head. happens at every age of life. Is there somebody else like a grandparent who might be pushing this as well or asking her personal questions about your activities and friends?

sit her down and explain how she is embarrassing you when she says such things in front of other people and how such statements might frighten off anybody who might actually be interested in you. Tell her you are happy with your life like it is and even though you like having adult conversations with men and women, that does not mean you are looking for a girlfriend.

[hothulamaui]

tell her when you do get a girlfriend she will be the first to know. you will give her a 'heads up" until then all the women she sees you with are just friends.

[chris123678]

She's young, I think children (assuming your divorced) when they see their parent with someone else, ALWAYS seem to question. I think that's good but since it's becoming embarrsing to you, have nice long talk with her.

Again.

[purehuman]

Originally Posted by hothulamaui

tell her when you do get a girlfriend she will be the first to know. you will give her a 'heads up" until then all the women she sees you with are just friends.

hothulamaui beat me to it....exactly right...

[Kayekaye]

Well this is hard-wired as much as we like to think in non gender roles and think our kids can comprehend it. She has an innate desire that is hard-wired to see a Mother figure, Dad's girlfriend in your life and the possibility of a mom and dad household. Just laugh it off and tell her no this isn't my crush, this is Mary. And let it go at that. Don't overreact and get worried. She is 8, she is not going to totally comprehend that she is embarrassing you, even with a good long talk explaining everything. She will most likely continue to do this all her life in one form or another, until you are indeed taken by the lucky love of your life.

[malamute]

She may not really want her dad to get a girlfriend. She might just see television shows or other people where the dad has one. Maybe kids at school tease each other about having girlfriends or boyfriends so she's doing this to dad.

Or -- the girl's mother isn't mentioned, but if there is one and if mom has custody or visitation, mom might be asking questions of the girl about dad's girlfriends.