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Originally Posted by Kayekaye
Well I totally disagree with you. If a child doesn't learn real consequences he will never succeed. Where is it stated that children from home with one swat dont' turn out well? You are assuming that one swat will turn into abuse and it does not. You are framing the discussion to your ends and I do not share in your erroneous conclusions. You conclusions are based on anecdotal incidences. There are no unbiased studies to support the claims of no corporal punishment produces better children. And society in general seems to be suffering from it.
No I refute your claim that children who get swatted once feel fear from parents and are not safe at home. You are wrong.
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Children learn real consequences pretty easily if you use natural consequences. You do NOT have to swat a child in order for that child to learn that behaviors have consequences.
No one said a child from a home with one swat won't turn out ok. What I have said is that a swat is unnecessary. It is true that children need discipline. It is also true that some parents have no idea how to discipline especially without corporal punishment. However, it is also true that kids can be disciplined without corporal punishment as parents learn how to do this.
You will note that in Sweden where spanking was banned, at first, children seemed to be undisciplined. This was true until parents learned the new techniques and began to incorporate them. I think that Swedish children today are quite well-disciplined and independent.
The research on positive discipline found that (from a pdf that I don't have a url for)
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The research clearly shows that young people do better when they perceive both firmness and kindness from their parents. Children who rate their parents as authoritative (both responsive and demanding) engage significantly less in socially risky behaviors. (Aquilino, 2001; Baumrind, 1991; Jackson et al., 1998; Radziszewska et al 1996; Simons-Morton et al, 2001) Other studies have correlated the teen’s perception of parenting that is both kind and firm with improved academic performance. (Cohen, 1997; Deslandes, 1997; Dornbusch et al., 1987; Lam, 1997) A young person’s sense of community (connection or “belongingnessâ€) at home and at school also increases academic success anddecreases socially risky behavior. (Resnick et al., 1997; Battistich, 1999; Goodenow, 1993) Interventions at school and at home can decrease the “socially risky†behaviors and increase a young person’s likelihood of succeeding at school and in their social environment. (Battistich, 1999; Nelsen, 1979.) Interventions that teach skills for social belonging in elementary school have lasting positive effects. (Kellam et al. 1998, Battistich, 1999
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One of my baby center friends on our positive parenting board wrote about how she uses positive discipline with a toddler. Now, you have to adapt this to your own child and not all of it will work for everyone, but it is a good guide for toddlers. One of the most important things you can do at all ages is to model the behavior you want to see. Do as I say, not as I do has never worked well as a discipline technique.
Offer food every 2 hrs. A hungry child is never a well-behaved child.
Make sure she gets enough rest and quiet time throughout the day and at night.
Keep rules simple and age appropriate.
Repeat the rules and tell her what is expected often.
Always give warning before a change and keep your child up on what is going on in their day.
Have a routine for the day and the week.
Recognize that when s/he is not behaving that there is some imbalance to how she is feeling. Evaluate whether the cause. Is s/he hungry, thirsty, tired, over stimulated, uncomfortable, or needing attention and one on one time with me?
Role-play by having dolls, animals or little people 'misbehave' and s/he corrects them. This actually has helped reinforce rules like not climbing on the coffee table.
Stay calm. Acting like a two yr old yourself will not help anyone!
Read parenting advice, books, and articles almost daily to refresh my mind on my goals.
Put thought into how I want to handle a situation and follow through. If it doesn't work or things get worse, reevaluate and change the response.
Recognize that I cannot control my child. I can only control my response to my child and that response is what guides her. Anytime you have a goal of controlling some one they will resist. It is human nature.
Do control environment. I control if we are at the library or we go home. I control if she plays in her room or in the living room, etc. I control environment but I have no delusions of controlling my child.
Listen to her and I talk to her a lot. Communication starts now. Don't wait until the child understands. Talk now! They understand more than you think.
Be consistent to a fault. And keep daddy up to date on what she is doing and how I am handling it. I don't ask or insist that he do as I do but by keeping him informed he usually either does the same or offers
suggestions to me. This keeps us on the same pg so that we do have a united front.
Take care of myself. I take a few minutes if I need them and that’s that. I tell ****** I'm relaxing and if she pesters me during this time she is sent to play in her room. She can sit with me or look at a book, etc but she has to let me alone a minute. I make sure she is taken care of and I keep it short. But 5 min of doing nothing can really increase my patience in the long run.
Plan activities and appts for her good time of the day. And I let her know what will happen, what I expect her to do, etc.
I am very loving to her and hold her as much as she wants. I don’t always play when she wants but I will hold her while I do my chores anytime. I attend to all cries of help, any crying day or night, etc. If she
feels she needs I assume she knows more than I do and do what I can to make her feel 'taken care of'.
If I'm doing something and she wants something I tell her when I will do it and I always find her and do this, even if she has forgotten. I go remind of what I said and tell her I'm ready. This way she has learned to wait. If you let it go when they forget they learn that they need to get their needs met right then or they wont be met.
And of course, mold the home environment to suit the child’s need and encourage good behavior. Don't have your home full of don't touch items. It’s just asking for trouble.
Keep your home stress free.
Limit tv and all media exposure.
Have a quiet home. Its more peaceful.
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