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Or perhaps this mom thought it was cute, mischevious...and age appropriate...but to a mompetitor it might have seened to be an "attack" or a little dig that the child wasn't as good as she might have thought
My thread was about this phenomenon in real life.
Not online. It may happen online too...I am sure it does, otherwise you wouldn't have the "honor roll bumper sticker" phenomenon, which is another thing I can't grasp...but really, my focus was the "real life", not online.
The honor roll sticker thing was a joke, Syracusa, although I was very proud of him, mostly because I know what a struggle it was for him to earn it.
My point, which I've tried to make light-heartedly, is that being a mother is like having your heart walk around outside your body. We can all talk about how we don't get all wrapped up in our children's accomplishments, but we all know deep down inside that it's NOT true. My heart swells when I see one of my children do something amazing, even if it's not all that impressive to others, especially when I know he or she worked hard to accomplish it. And I'm absolutely sure that I have more than once come across as an overly-invested parent. But, in my defense, I think I'm in good company.
Let's stop these silly Mommy War threads and give each other a break. Next time one of your friends goes a little overboard with praising her child, just say, "That's wonderful! I can see how proud you are of him/her," and gently change the subject. Being a mother is hard, and we're all just feeling our way along and hoping for the best. Let's be kind.
Last edited by randomparent; 09-23-2012 at 02:43 PM..
Ivorytickler's is NOT anecdotal evidence. There is an enormous amount of talk and studies in the social sciences about these new trends. Also, her example about companies making huge profits out of products promising parents their kid will turn into Enstein if only they buy the product...is this still anecdotal evidence to you?
I for one would love to see some of this evidence, as currently all I see is two people whose impressions of normative behavior match (which is totally fine, but does not evidence make). For those of us not prepping a lecture on mompetition, care to share some of these social science links?
Given all this, do you really think working moms will not step up and make sure their kids can "keep up" with those of the SAHM-s? Once they get the message ("look what wonderful lives my kids have because I stay at home to make their childhood a fairy-tale"), they will take necessary action.
The kids of the working moms will too be placed in afterschool extra-curriculars, may have nannies hired to take them to activities or tutors, and will even have these overwhelmed moms take some time off from work to volunteer at school... because well..."studies show that if your kid sees you at school, he's somehow better off...so it's not like I am going to let Jenny the SAHM be the only one that roams the school hallways. I will go too, Dam* it, so my kid will see his mother at school too!!!"
By the way, I am a full-time working mom and I MAKE the time to volunteer. Don't ask me how.
Unless you enter the school with a genuine fondness for all the children, you are wasting your time. Children intuitively know when they are being patronized.
Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa
This is why most middle-class people have many acquaintances and very few true friends, if any.
Because they compete the living H with each other.
And this is just wrong, as well as sad. I have many friends. True friends. I maintain those friendships by inquiring as to the health/happiness/successes of their families. It really isn't that hard to do when you sincerely care about others.
FinsterRufus nailed it. We know all about your child's intelligence, and Ivory's daughter's brilliance. Just because your "bragging" is done anonymously online, doesn't make it any less competitive. Good for your son, and good for Ivory's daughter. I hope both of them have many future successes in life.
So while I'm sure mompeditors exist, and perhaps I'm just naturally adverse to hanging out with them, it's ironic to me that the ones that speak the loudest about it on this forum are the ones who have made the exceptional qualities of their own children better known than most.
Beautiful try at a personal attack, except that it is cheap. Again, if you'd read the thread in question, you would have seen the piece of info that offends in the oh-so-socially-relevant CYBER world (??), was placed there for a reason, and it was given in a context hardly conducive to bragging. My son has ADHD and he simply doesn't like reading for pleasure despite very good ability to read. Yes, as a mother, this bothers me and I wanted to pick cyber-people's brains as to what might be going on with him and what is the right path to take.
This is exactly because I will NOT pick the brains of real people I personally know, and in front of whom I neither brag nor show my vulnerabilities.
What amazes me is that people believe that anonymous discussion forums can be actual "social arenas" where the same dynamics that happen among real friends, family and acquaintances - apply.
Again, in front of whom exactly would I brag about my child's reading ability? Who is FinsterRufus to me?
Do I even give a fly about her perception of my self-worth or my child's worth, whether positive or negative?
This is exactly why I ask questions here, but not in real life. Because I don't care what cyber-people think of syracusa. I might care about what kind of feelings and dynamics would form if I volunteered such information among a certain circle of friends and acquaintances, especially those with children the age of ours.
I also don't understand why some people would get irritated when reading online that X child is advanced. I think it all depends on the context. A decently smart cookie will smell if it is just gratuitous bragging or the info is relevant, necessary, and part of a larger context.
Have you ever considered the possibility that there actually ARE advanced children out there and a discussion forum like this is the only place where the mother of such a child may be able to mention such information in the context of some concern, without triggering feelings of envy/resentment etc. as it would surely happen with friends and acquaintances?
What if Ivorytickler's daughter really is advanced? To read about it here, in a certain context, that helps me figure out certain realities, is not irritating to me. If Ms. Ivory was my friend and she constantly hinted about how her daughter is so awesome every time we met (even if the daughter really IS awesome)...then that would start being a problem to me.
Well... they say something about how priceless and irreplaceable face-to-face interaction is.
I was there - saw and felt the body language. You were not.
You can take my word for it - or not. Your choice.
So you found out that your son does like to read Dynosaur encyclopedias. That's great! Instead of stewing over how this other mom attacked/judged/found you out - go out and get your son some Dyno encyclopedias. .
He's got plenty. Most of the times he stares at the pics. I am not reviving the topic of the other thread.
Well... they say something about how priceless and irreplaceable face-to-face interaction is.
I was there - saw and felt the body language. You were not.
You can take my word for it - or not. Your choice.
And so what? If you never want to see this woman and her kid again, don't. Otherwise, give her a pass and move on....
It's difficult if not impossible to have a genuine friendship with another woman when every word has to be weighed so very carefully to ensure it doesn't offend. Why is it so difficult for women to exercise a sense of humor and forgiving spirit when dealing with other women? It would seem our gender has elevated taking offense to a high art form. Do men have this problem, too?
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