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I've never understood the use of "we" when talking to a child.
"If you want to go outside, do your chores." Plain. Simple. To the point. There is no "we" doing the chores. (At least there wasn't in my house.) No games. No doing it together. Games were Monopoly. Doing it together was eating supper and watching TV and going on vacation. That's together. Chores? Solo flying. From a very young age they knew that life involved actual work. Because someday they were going to have a boss that was not named Mom or Dad.
There's a scene in the movie "The Blind Spot" where Sandra Bullock's character is driving her son in her very nice BMW. The kid has his feet up on the dashboard. She says to him, "Get your feet off my dash!!"
I love that scene.
(You want to put your feet up on the dash, Junior? Work hard and save your coins. You can do whatever you like in your car when you are making the payments. "We" do not own the car and I don't need or want dirty footprints on my glovebox .)
Families that do chores together particularly when the children are young (3 to 5) have more success in teaching the children *how* to do the chores.
Perhaps as children get older, chores should be theirs alone, but I always subscribed to the whistle while you work theory (making chores a game) and the theory that companionship while working is a good thing.
Families that do chores together particularly when the children are young (3 to 5) have more success in teaching the children *how* to do the chores.
Perhaps as children get older, chores should be theirs alone, but I always subscribed to the whistle while you work theory (making chores a game) and the theory that companionship while working is a good thing.
When I was growing up my mom gave me chores to do while she did something else, she'd wash clothes, or cook, etc.
So in a sense it is a "we" doing chores because while the child does chores, the mother is doing housework
Is it EVER an acceptable answer??? Of course it is. Is it what a parent should say most of the time? No.
Exactly this - it's up to the parent - if the parent feels like arguing with the child over every issue, and that's what it can come down to, fine. Some parents don't mind going on for hours over every possible issue -- "dad can I stay out until 4 am?", "No", "why?", "because you need sleep and it's a school night", "no, 3 hours is enough sleep","3 hours isn't enough sleep", "but why not? I feel fine with 3 hours", "well it's not safe for you to be out until 4 am", "why not? We're just going to be playing video games at so-and-so's house or talking", and on and on.
IMO, I think it's a very authoritarian answer and that most of the time, giving a reason is within reason and shows you respect your child.
Great Post.
I often associate the answer "because I said So" to be a lazy parenting answer when parents don't know their reasons or just are to lazy to give one.
I will agree that some times it's an appropriate answer,but not all the times, and should never be used as a first answer.
Great Post.
I often associate the answer "because I said So" to be a lazy parenting answer when parents don't know their reasons or just are to lazy to give one.
I will agree that some times it's an appropriate answer,but not all the times, and should never be used as a first answer.
Your questions might be better understood/received, if you refrained from the "all/never" scenarios. Very very few things in life can be judged using that standard. That includes parenting.
And trust me, once you are actually a parent, you might surprise yourself with what you do that you swore you'd "never" do because you thought it was "lazy parenting".
Typically parents use that answer when they've already explained the real answer ad nauseum but the child in question keeps responding "but why". It's not really an answer so much as an indication that the conversation is over with and the child in question would be wise to accept it if he or she understood what was good for him or her.
Your questions might be better understood/received, if you refrained from the "all/never" scenarios. Very very few things in life can be judged using that standard. That includes parenting.
And trust me, once you are actually a parent, you might surprise yourself with what you do that you swore you'd "never" do because you thought it was "lazy parenting".
I use it all the time. I usually give some reason for my decisions when warranted, but I'm not going to get into a back and forth after I've made a decision. Actually, most of our texts end with:
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biss eod
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"We" do not own the car and I don't need or want dirty footprints on my glovebox .)
