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I wouldn't have let my young kids go on a trip without me, especially to Disney. Sorry you think "their mother" is being selfish but if she is then so am I and I have no problem saying so. Glad it worked out, but don't pull that crap again or you will have NO relationship with any of them. FACT.
So your daughter was terrible for not letting you take the kids and then your daughter was terrible but let you take the kids but too terrible to take the kids again.
WOW you are very dramatic. Seems there is no pleasing you. I think it is best that you never ask again.
I didn't let anyone take my kid ever. Not once. She had a couple sleepovers, but never went on a trip with anyone anywhere.
The reason I refer to "the mother" is because some previous people on the forum were confused as to whether I was talking about my daughter, someone else's daughter, my niece, etc.
The reason I do not plan to suggest anymore solo trips with the grandkids is because of my daughter's behavior. Let us review: My daughter at first, months ago, said YES to the trip. Then as the trip got closer, she said NO (that's when I posted on this forum), but that the trip was OK as long as she went along. At that point I politely explained that this trip was about me and the grandkids, and she was not invited. I also told her that if she was having second thoughts about the trip, we could cancel the whole thing now. She got very angry about not being included in the trip, but never really expressed it to me. Instead she said YES again to the trip, and then has been passive-aggressive about it. As the trip was right around the corner, she was not speaking to me, did not want to discuss any logistics about the trip, etc. Basically on the day of the departure, she just dumped the kids at my doorstep and said, "Here they are," and left. During this whole back and forth, instead of explaining her indecision, explaining her erratic behavior, my daughter chose to just get pissed off about the whole thing and not communicate with me, except to say that she wanted to go on the trip and wah wah, why couldn't she go? I tried my best to ignore her ridiculous behavior and just focus on taking the kids to Disney, as I had promised, because Grandma always keeps her promises.
As I said, right before, and then during and after the trip, my daughter has barely said a word to me and has indicated to everyone in the family how hurt she is by the fact that she was not allowed to go on the trip. I have spoken to countless friends, relatives and even my doctor, and they all are appalled that my daughter would treat me this way, and try to turn this into a trip about HER and the KIDS, when it was always a trip about the KIDS and GRANDMA. As I said, this solo Disney trip was planned months ago, and it was HAPPILY APPROVED MONTHS AGO by my daughter. It was never a family trip, or a trip with the parents, or a trip with Aunt Becky and Uncle Mike, or all the people on City Data Forum. It was always a trip with grandma and the kids and that's it. I did not want to go with the parents because the kids misbehave around them, as I said before. Plus this was to be a special bonding trip with grandma that the kids will remember forever. Unfortunately, as the trip dates neared, my daughter decided that she wanted to be invited to the party, and I said no. So she has proceeded to have a month-long hissy fit about it. She is not answering my calls, texts, emails, etc. Who knows how long she will be angry. Meanwhile, I am going from perplexed at this behavior, to increasingly angry myself.
And yes, this is what I raised. Luckily my other child is not like this. He is laid-back, non-plussed, etc. Un-luckily, he has no kids, and doesn't want any. And yes, as someone said, if I want to have a relationship with my only grandkids, I am going to have to tolerate my daughter's tantrums. I just wish she didn't have to make everything so unbearably difficult. She needs therapy, but refuses to get it.
Finally, while some people may find nothing wrong with this whole melodrama, or think I am being an @@@hole to my daughter, it's clear that it's my fault this has happened. First of all I obviously went wrong with the way I raised my daughter. Second, knowing how ridiculous my daughter is, I am extremely dumb for suggesting this trip in the first place. If I would have never suggested this trip in the first place, the whole melodrama would have never happened. My daughter and I would currently be chatting away about the weather, or whatever, this whole City Data thread could have been avoided, etc. Instead, my daughter is being an @@@hole, and I am extremely angry and disappointed that she is behaving like this over something so wonderful that was given to her children. Yes she is my daughter and I obviously love her, but I have only so much tolerance for this kind of behavior. Even from my own flesh and blood.
The truth is, this whole episode is really MY fault, for thinking that my daughter was intellectually mature enough to allow someone else to take her kids to Disney without her going ape@@@@ about it at the last minute. I blame myself for this. I am so stupid for dreaming up this idea.
So, with this information, I have learned 2 valuable lessons: 1. Do not suggest any solo trips, outings or other activities with grandkids, in order to avoid problems with daughter. 2. See No. 1.
Last edited by saltzman143; 10-16-2012 at 10:41 AM..
After reading a few of your responses, I wondered if your daughter would rather not have you have anything to do with her children because of your language. Your use of profanity...even though it has to be covered with symbols for the C-D....is unacceptable. I would think that if you really talked like this, a wise mother would keep her children from having anything to do with you.
An intellectually mature person would have a better vocabulary.
I would just drop it and go on to other things. Your daughter or her husband are not happy with their childhood and thus do not trust others with their children. The fact is of course that it is very unlikely that they will be perfect parents as well. You will never change their attitude. Just let the kids know you love them and get on with your life.
How old is your daughter? (sorry, if I missed it)
The differences between a fairly young 21 year old (who had her first child at 16) and a more mature woman of 30 may also be a part of the difficulty.
I was almost 40 when my children were 7 and 4. I'm sure that my reactions and feelings about a situation like this probably would have been a lot different if I was in my early 20s.
BTW Did you ever take your daughter to Disneyland when she was a child? Especially, if she is still fairly young (early to mid 20s) she may have felt that you love your grandchildren more than you loved her.
OP this is what Dr. Phil calls "right fighting". It would seem you are more interested in framing the issues to your advantage and proving that how you see things is more important than actually caring about getting at the truth. Too much drama. Chill pill. Be nice to your daughter unconditionally. She is their mom and the gate keeper.
I wouldn't have let my young kids go on a trip without me, especially to Disney. Sorry you think "their mother" is being selfish but if she is then so am I and I have no problem saying so. Glad it worked out, but don't pull that crap again or you will have NO relationship with any of them. FACT.
Excellent point. I have no issues with my MIL taking my kids to the mall, or a local trip (she lives about 25 minutes away from us) but I couldn't imagine her taking the kids to Disney or something like that.
It was a HUGE step to allow the kids to have a sleepover at her house. We were fine with the idea - but the kids were really unsure about it! Took 4 or 5 times before my 5 year old daughter made it through the night!
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