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I have 3 grandkids. My daughter does not understand the fact that I want to spend time with them without her. For ex, I want to be able to take my 4 year old niece to Disney World (out of town trip), or take my 7 year old nephew to the toy store (local trip). I already spend plenty of time with the grandkids when the parents are around, and that's fine. But the kids act like BRATS when they are with the parents. They behave great when the parents are not around. So often times it's wonderful when I have them and I take them here or there, and the parents are not there. It's like night and day, the behavior.
How do I explain this to a parent without her/them getting insulted? Isn't the whole point of parents allowing loved ones to spend time with their children, so that the kids can have different experiences anyway????
I don't understand why my daughter is so upset. Can someone help me with the phrasing I need to explain this to her?
I have 3 grandkids. My daughter does not understand the fact that I want to spend time with them without her. For ex, I want to be able to take my 4 year old niece to Disney World (out of town trip), or take my 7 year old nephew to the toy store (local trip). I already spend plenty of time with the grandkids when the parents are around, and that's fine. But the kids act like BRATS when they are with the parents. They behave great when the parents are not around. So often times it's wonderful when I have them and I take them here or there, and the parents are not there. It's like night and day, the behavior.
How do I explain this to a parent without her/them getting insulted?
You don't.
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Isn't the whole point of parents allowing loved ones to spend time with their children, so that the kids can have different experiences anyway????
That may be YOUR point. We have no way of knowing HER point.
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I don't understand why my daughter is so upset. Can someone help me with the phrasing I need to explain this to her?
My guess is you are going to have more success listening to HER and what her point is.
There really isn't much you can do except take what you can and enjoy that to the fullest, that's what I do...the parent will relax more when the children are older, maybe she just worries alot and doesn't want the extra white hairs....maybe just stick with taking them to nearby places where you can enjoy time with them alone, and the mother won't stress.
You never mentioned how old your daughter is, if she's still a child, then I can see why she's getting mad. YOUR children come first, your job is to spend time with your own children and try your best to make time for the grandkids. You don't take other people's children to Disney world, yet not take your own daughter.
I have 3 grandkids. My daughter does not understand the fact that I want to spend time with them without her. For ex, I want to be able to take my 4 year old niece to Disney World (out of town trip), or take my 7 year old nephew to the toy store (local trip). I already spend plenty of time with the grandkids when the parents are around, and that's fine. But the kids act like BRATS when they are with the parents. They behave great when the parents are not around. So often times it's wonderful when I have them and I take them here or there, and the parents are not there. It's like night and day, the behavior.
How do I explain this to a parent without her/them getting insulted? Isn't the whole point of parents allowing loved ones to spend time with their children, so that the kids can have different experiences anyway????
I don't understand why my daughter is so upset. Can someone help me with the phrasing I need to explain this to her?
Why don't you ask her what her reason is for not letting you spend time alone with them?
I have 3 grandkids. My daughter does not understand the fact that I want to spend time with them without her. For ex, I want to be able to take my 4 year old niece to Disney World (out of town trip), or take my 7 year old nephew to the toy store (local trip). I already spend plenty of time with the grandkids when the parents are around, and that's fine. But the kids act like BRATS when they are with the parents. They behave great when the parents are not around. So often times it's wonderful when I have them and I take them here or there, and the parents are not there. It's like night and day, the behavior.
How do I explain this to a parent without her/them getting insulted? Isn't the whole point of parents allowing loved ones to spend time with their children, so that the kids can have different experiences anyway????
I don't understand why my daughter is so upset. Can someone help me with the phrasing I need to explain this to her?
Don't some parents have real attachment anxiety, don't like to let their kids go with other people?
I mean if "I would like some one-on-one time" doesn't work, than . . .I dunno, lost cause? I mean its not a crazy request.
I don't know what's wrong with your daughter 'cuz my in-laws are coming for Thanksgiving and we are doing a 2 day trip to Vegas while the grandparents watch them!!!!
Assuming you have a good relationship with your daughter, my guess would be that she is just protective of her children and doesn't feel comfortable leaving her alone ... with anyone. It's no reflection on you but you just have to respect that. Maybe talk to her - in a civil manner no arguments - to find out if that's the case. Or, find out why - again, in a civil manner - and see what it will take to ease her concerns.
Vegas will only be the 2nd time we will be away from DD and the first time she was also with the in-laws for a 36 hr trip. I was hesitant the first time, scared that I wouldn't be there if something happened. It took me months to convince myself it was the right thing to do, that I deserved a day with just me and the hubby. Now, I'm EXCITED and looking forward to some one-on-one with the hubby.
My husband and I don't let the grandmas take our kids without us. Why? MIL used to beat him with hangers and belts, and my mom is the stereotypical absent-minded professor who used to forget me and my sisters everywhere, like in the car, or put us out on the side of the road 5 or 6 miles from home if she was mad, and who still thinks it's okay to slap kids (even mine) across the face if they do something wrong. MIL has a very nice bedroom all done up for our kids, who will never sleep in it. She's always asking to take the kids for a weekend, we always say we're busy. Neither of us wants to tell either grandma that we don't trust them with our kids.
I'm not saying that's what's going on with your family, just sharing our perspective. Possibly your daughter's husband had a rough childhood and worries about leaving the kids with anyone...my husband is like that. Even if my mom were perfect, the kids still wouldn't get to stay there without us.
Sorry, it's just not something you have a say in. They're your daughter's kids, not yours, and it's her prerogative to decide how much time you get to spend with them, where and with whom. You can choose to not spend time with them at all, or to do so under her conditions. Some people don't like leaving their kids with anyone else, for whatever reason. Maybe she has anxiety issues and freaks out whenever the kids are not with her, or simply worries and doesn't enjoy her time away from them - so why would you want to force her into that situation? The only thing you can do is try talking to her about it - nicely, NO accusing or getting offended, and maybe ask her why she doesn't feel comfortable with it. But in the end, you need to accept that this is their family and their call and you forcing the issue will just cause distancing.
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