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This is not universally true At All. It depends on your relationship(s). We have no problem with the in-laws.
Lucky you.
I'd say the OP has a big problem with his own mother.
I'm not saying no one should ever use grandparents as sitters. In this situation, using only one, the "good" grandma, will set them up for future problems.
Is this strange behavior for your mom or just par for the course with her? How old is she? Is she having money problems? Acting weird in other ways?
The whole mall thing seems extremely bizarre to me and I'm wondering if your mom is suffering from some mental health issues that could be age or stress related. I'm not trying to be snarky here, completely serious, this paranoia about no one getting one over on her and not wanting the baby "dumped" on her but then fighting over who gets to watch her just seems like a medical evaluation might be in order.
This. Time to get Mom to the doctor for a check-up. OP you said you don't know where this is coming from. If something is wrong you'll be doing her a huge favor by getting her in, finding out what's causing this behavior, and getting her treatment.
Is your mom having severe financial problems? I can understand her charging you for an entire day of sitting (I don't think that $50/day is horribly unreasonable btw) but charging you for visiting her with your child or your trips out to the mall together seems really very, very odd.
It's incredibly nice of your MIL to offer free daily babysitting. But I don't know that I would give her a full time job like that without at least some sort of compensation. Maybe you could compromise and offer to split the days between the two women and offer them both $25 or $30/day (still a deal for you, too). If your MIL wants to put her share of the money into a college fund for her grandbaby, that would be her perogative.
I don't live near family, so I don't have personal experience with this.
I think honestly though, just to avoid hurt feelings, drama, awkwardness,etc... I would put my child in a professional child care environment.
Have your Mom & MIL take turns babysitting for you every once in awhile if you are going out,etc...
Wow, that is truly crazy. I bet my mom would give money to see more of my kids. I would say that you are tired of her always asking for money, so you will not be "employing" her unless there is an emergency. I would also let her know she is letting money get in the way of your relationship. The mall thing is super crazy, I can't believe she said that. Also, let her know that when she is ready to be your mother again, instead of an employee, you will be happy to get together.
Oh, here is an edit: I would ask my mom if she needs financial support/ Let her know you could loan her money if she is having financial problems. It may make her feel funny, but may help get to the bottom of the issue.
I'd say the OP has a big problem with his own mother.
I'm not saying no one should ever use grandparents as sitters. In this situation, using only one, the "good" grandma, will set them up for future problems.
I don't think it's unreasonable for her to ask for $50/day to watch her grandchild while you are at work BUT I do think it's unreasonable for her to expect you to choose her to do this when you have a cheaper option. I think it's extremely bizarre that she wants to be paid to spend time with her grandchild while you are present.
I think it's extremely bizarre that she wants to be paid to spend time with her grandchild while you are present.
Compensation might be appropriate if the mom is working from home (especially for hours on end) and asking the relative to take over with the child. Technically, compensation could even be appropriate if the mom is asking the relative to watch the child while she takes an hour nap. In cases like that, the mom may be present but the relative is the one who is responsible for caring for the child.
But, otherwise, I agree that it's bizarre for this grandma to expect compensation like that. Bump into grandma at the grocery store with a kid in your cart and watch out - "Cha-ching!" that's gonna cost you.
Last edited by springfieldva; 09-26-2012 at 09:38 AM..
I paid $50 per day for care in a daycare center, and $30 per day for care in a home daycare. I would expect to pay $30 or less for a grandparent. I guess I expect the grandparent to cost less than outside alternatives.
My MIL watches my neice and they pay her $20 per day, which is a steal for the parents and a little something for MIL's effort. MIL also will babysit for her grandkids on an occasional basis for free. She only asks to be paid for her day-to-day because it is like a full-time job.
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