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If you were so proud of your parenting, why would you be so insistent that it's not right to do it in public?
I think you know it's wrong, it's ineffective, and you're going to be SOL when the child is old enough to hit back. The discipline techniques that normal people use work on people of any age, from babies through to co-workers, and they teach a child internal discipline, which is what they need in life. When they're an adult you want them to be a good person because they're a good person with empathy, morals, and logic, not because they're scared someone will punish them.
I didn't like it at the time but I am thankful that my mom spanked me when I was a kid. She didn't do it every day, only when I deserved it. I always learned my lesson. I believe kids are worse off today because they are never disciplined due to political correctness. Too many parents today are friends with their children like they are a peer or they pay no attention to them and let them run wild. Children need parents who are authority figures (which doesn't mean abusive btw and spanking does not=abuse).
I was spanked in a crowded McDonalds when I was a kid. My mom's friend was babysitting me. I was teasing her daughter, Before I knew it I was getting my butt spanked hard. It was humiliating because everyone was looking. This was in the 70s and it was such an innocent non-poliically correct time that no one called the police or child protective services . Of course no one had cell phones back then but they still wouldn't have called.
Anyway that spanking made me cry, But let me tell you I was always on my best behavior around my moms friend after that. She earned my respect like nothing else could.
I find it sad and slightly alarming that so many of these posters (who don't have children of their own yet) ~ will be going into parenting with the idea that spanking is a good thing and brings great results.
For all those who said ~ "Well, look at me, I turned out great" ~ who says?
And especially to the immature poster who wrote that they would slap their child into oblivion if they threw a tantrum - please don't have children. 2 and 3 year old children WILL have tantrums.
If you were so proud of your parenting, why would you be so insistent that it's not right to do it in public?
I think you know it's wrong, it's ineffective, and you're going to be SOL when the child is old enough to hit back. The discipline techniques that normal people use work on people of any age, from babies through to co-workers, and they teach a child internal discipline, which is what they need in life. When they're an adult you want them to be a good person because they're a good person with empathy, morals, and logic, not because they're scared someone will punish them.
If the child is being rude and disrespectful, it is a reflection of the parents ability or lack thereof to raise a well rounded citizen able to contribute to society.
Not going to remark on the spanking topic since these debates always go nowhere, hehe. But would like to make a comment to your post.
Children CAN be rude and disrespectul in spite of good parenting. My husband is coaching a soccer team that has 3 kids with severe autism and other emotional problems. My heart goes out to these mothers having to deal with some really out of control behavior. Each game it seems one of the kids is red flagged by the league. I can only imagine what they must deal with in public when their child goes on a rampage. I'm sure that people assume the worse.
My daughter also has emotional issues and at times, it can be embarrassing and you feel like a failure as a parent. Hopefully with time and intensive therapy, we will make progress.
I'm not sure I understand what you mean. There is child abuse. Real child abuse with physical harm inflicted by out of control parents. There is also spanking, and some people have decided that is it child abuse when it is not.
Lax parenting means lack of disciplining their kids. I don't care what kind of discipline the parents use; it's none of my business. If they are abusing their kids, it IS definitely my business and everyone else's business too.
I don't care if the parents discipline by taking away privileges, scolding, giving a stern look, spanking, etc.--whatever works. Kids actually WANT guidelines and boundaries. They want to learn how to behave. It's the parents' responsibility to teach them. Kids want to know that their parents CARE enough to discipline them, kids do not really enjoy getting away with things.
Yes -- parents should do what works and those parents who screech at their kids because the kids and parents are out of control and it doesn't work, kids just tune the parents out.
However if someone can't tell the difference between a slap on the behind and a full-out beating, they should not spank their kids.
The only alarming issue here is that a parent would be 'afraid' to physically discipline their child anywhere.
The ne'er-do-well busybodies who insert their very large noses between a parent and their offspring, need to feel the pain of a boot in their collective arses.
There is a very real movement to strip parental rights in our country. These orgs have ulterior motives and seek to remove a parents right, in essence, of protecting their children.
Last edited by JustJulia; 10-03-2012 at 10:56 AM..
Reason: no soliciting please
People advocate spanking and in the same breath claim that kids are out of control in school.
Spanking a kid is low-level discipline. I'm not a psychologist, but there are plenty of studies out there that track kids' development with and without corporal punishment. Why do people insist on saying they turned out great? It's pretty obvious, even on an anonymous board, who didn't turn out great. Even if you think you turned out great, you'll never know if you could have been better sans the spankings.
People advocate spanking and in the same breath claim that kids are out of control in school.
Spanking a kid is low-level discipline. I'm not a psychologist, but there are plenty of studies out there that track kids' development with and without corporal punishment. Why do people insist on saying they turned out great? It's pretty obvious, even on an anonymous board, who didn't turn out great. Even if you think you turned out great, you'll never know if you could have been better sans the spankings.
Yes, spanking is a very low level discipline.
What I hope these posters will realise before (or at least soon after) they have children is that there are a whole constellation of far more effective techniques. You'll notice that they all have some anecdote which involves them or some other child misbehaving and then getting spanked, then follow with a claim that spanking is the universal panacea for misbehaviour. But if it worked, wouldn't spanked children be better behaved than normally disciplined children?
You be the judge: three year old throws a fit when told it's time to leave the playground.
Spanker: Screams at the child to shut up and get in the car, grabs them, carries them over to the car, whacks the kid a few times, the child gets in the car to stop the pain. No one learns anything.
Normal parent: They go over to the child, says "this is your ten/five minutes warning, it's almost time to go home". Then they give a two/five minute warning, then they go over to the kid and say "OK, time to go now!". Kid has fit. Parent looks at their watch, realises it's 3pm and snack is normally at 2-2:30. Kid is melting down hungry. They whip a snack out of their bag and hand it to the child as they walk off. Or, they get down on child's level and say "I know, you don't want to leave the playground, you want to stay here for ever and ever and EVER! You want to sleep here! Where would your bed be?". Kid laughs and they walk off. Or, they get down on the child's level and explain that this behaviour is making them really not like going to the park because leaving is so hard. And that if they make going to the park unpleasant, Mummy's not going to want to take them to the park very often. That crying when you leave will mean fewer park visits because it's easier and nicer for Mummy that way. Or, if all else fails they just pick them up and leave. Why add spanking when leaving the park is bad enough? They're not getting what they want, which is to stay at the park. You can also throw in a pre-emptive strike the next time "Tommy, it's a lovely day, I think Jane might be at the park, but I don't really want to go because you always cry so much when we leave, it's really upsetting for both of us, isn't it?".
Yes, it's more effort, but that's what you have to do to raise good, polite, empathetic people.
The child shouldn't be taken away. However, if you assault a person/child in a public place, please believe that the probability of the police becoming involved increases. When police get involved, stuff happens. Your friend should have known that. If she didn't, why would she be considered a responsible parent?
No, your friend slapped a child in a public train station. That is not something a responsible parent does. Would Dr. Huxtable slap Trudy upside the head while waiting for the 4/5? No, he wouldn't, because he is a good parent and knows that slapping a defenseless kid in a public setting is going to bring heat on the situation.
Commonsense.
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