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Spanking. Many of us were raised being disciplined with spanking as children when we were being disciplined for doing something wrong. What I don't understand is why some people think spanking counts as "abuse." Isn't the definition abuse supposed to be related to beating children for no good reason? So why is it that something that was considered "discipline" in the past is now "abuse" to some?
I do not consider it either really. In my view violence of any kind is where humans turn when they have failed to find an intellectual or peaceful means of resolving a situation... or are simply too lazy to even try.
So for me I would not rank spanking as either discipline or abuse, I would rank it merely as a personal failing in parenting skills.
I agree with Nozz. I don't even think of spanking as a last resort/when all else fails sort of option. It's purely punishment and sets up a 'bad' dynamic instead of being instructive or rehabilitative in some way.
Of course, there are degrees of what someone considers to be spanking. I'm assuming the OP is talking about the across the lap wallop spanking - not a quick light tap on the hand or butt to swat a kid away from danger or a fresh batch of cookies.
How easy it is to spot the adults whose parents never set up a "bad" dynamic when they were kids.
Are you suggesting that kids who aren't spanked grow up to be well adjusted adults with strong critical thinking skills? And no, I don't think there's a direct correlation either way - but I do think spanking is unnecessary.
The whole key to us was - spanking is a last resort, capital punishment for behavior that will not stop.
My kids learned early on the "1-2-3's". If they were misbehaving, I would say, "1". That meant to shut up and settle down. If I got to "2" I was usually standing, hands on hips. If I got to "3" (rarely!) it meant that someone was going to get spanked, they were about to 'decide' who by their behavior.
Parents who endlessly repeat themselves, "Tommy sit down Tommy shush Tommy don't do that Tommy sit down TommyTommyTOMMY!" get on my nerves. Tommy has no respect for them, their repetitiveness has no effect on him, it's like white noise, and he already knows that he can do as he pleases without any consequences. For our children, there were always consequences - if you don't finish your dinner, you get no dessert, if you don't clean your room you don't get to go outside and play with your friends (they had no electronic devices or TVs in their rooms to mindlessly entertain them). They made their choices and learned from them - that choices have consequences - in a protected environment. An insistence on repetitive bad behavior brought on capital punshment.
We rarely spanked, but when we did, it was without anger, without passion, without screaming. It was, "Fine, you don't want to behave, you don't want to listen, this is the consequence of your choices." I had one child who said that he would never ever go to jail for anything - because he knew that I would walk into the jailhouse, smiling and being friendly with everyone, shaking hands and hugging, then walk into his cell and dispassionately beat the crap out of him.
Our children and fosters rarely made it past "2". And today they are healthy adults who understand that there are consequences for their actions, and that they are neither entitled nor oppressed, except as a result of their own efforts or lack thereof.
I do not consider it either really. In my view violence of any kind is where humans turn when they have failed to find an intellectual or peaceful means of resolving a situation... or are simply too lazy to even try.
You say this as if a three-year-old can be intellectually reasoned with.
Parents who endlessly repeat themselves, "Tommy sit down Tommy shush Tommy don't do that Tommy sit down TommyTommyTOMMY!" get on my nerves. Tommy has no respect for them, their repetitiveness has no effect on him, it's like white noise, and he already knows that he can do as he pleases without any consequences.
You say this as if a three-year-old can be intellectually reasoned with.
If it were my intention to say that, I most likely would have. I was more referring to the failure on ones part to intellectually find a better resolution to a situation before turning to violence. Intellectually reasoning directly with the child is only one such solution. There are others. I merely think that violence is the recourse we turn to when the intellect has failed to find (or to even try to find) a resolution that works.
If you think spanking is bad, check out the other thread about whipping your kid with a belt.
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And no, I don't think there's a direct correlation either way - but I do think spanking is unnecessary.
