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Without knowing the laws of Pa regarding minor children, and what defines a minor child, this matter needs discussed with legal counsel. Based on the information you have stated, it may be possible to gain an emergency order of guardianship. This is temporary, wherein a guardian ad litem is appointed to interview and investigate those allegations as presented. Once complete, another hearing is held at which time a family court judge, could issue a permanent order of guardianship. I caution you, this is a slippery slope, could be very expensive, with no guarantees. I'm not defending the natural Mom, however your impressions alone, will not support success. It's a sad situation..........best of luck. !
Don't do it. She has parents. She is not in danger.
I got in a similar situation, my daughter's friend was a Chinese exchange student, and the home was awful. I took her in for the rest of the school year. But, I had a definite termination date...June. My daughter is great...her friend was a nice girl...but it was a bit much at times.
I agree that you're not getting the full story. Many sides are only giving you the partial truth.
We had an exchange student last year. She was very sweet, but she was a handful. Consider:
What'll you do if there is underage drinking and the cops bring her to your door?
What'll you do if she's involved in a car accident and you're her guardian? You could be held liable.
What if she has a hidden eating disorder?
What if she needs to go to the doctor. You'll need legal guardianship and you'll have to transport her to and from appts. What if she gets sick? Needs to be picked up early from school?
What if she gets pregnant?
Will you go to parent-teacher conferences? Will you go to any performances?
Will you be buying her holiday/birthday gifts?
Cell phone bills? Clothing and other expenses?
What about grades? Same standard as you have for your daughter?
College entrance exams?
Some of the above may not apply or be important to you, but they should all be realistic considerations. I would help from a distance (nothing wrong with her staying on weekends) but be careful as to becoming her legal guardian.
My advice is go with your gut and do what your gut tells you to do . Maybe you are a good judge of charecter and maybe there is a reason that you dont like this woman (the custodial parent ) . I believe when my gut tells me something I go with it . It aint called women's intuition for nothing . Good luck to you and the girl .
Many of the posters here have given you very wise "food for thought". Many times we act strictly on emotion, when reality deals a much harsher hand. Should guardianship be obtained, the strict liability alone could cause extreme hardship. Besides those expenses for daily existence, there are potential health care expenses, future educational expenses, that could become your sole responsibility. Those are just two examples of many. To seek legal counsel simply for advice is one alternative that might immediately change your thought process. How does your spouse feel about assuming this additional unexpected major responsibility ?.......it is indeed a "slippery slope"...Unwanted interference in that parent-child relationship could also open you to very serious consequences ! Beware............
Last edited by Irish4evr; 10-05-2012 at 02:46 PM..
Reason: spell ck
One weekend, my daughter then 15, in 10th grade, asked if she could spend a night there. I said OK and then on Saturday, she called to ask if she could spend a second night. I asked why and she pleaded with me and I relented.
As it turned out, the girl was left alone! Her mother went to the shore for the weekend with her boyfriend and was using my daughter as a baby sitter. I was furious. Not at my daughter or the friend, but at the mother.
I don't think your teen daughter was blameless here. She wanted to stay a second night because they were unsupervised. Yes, the mother should not have done that but your daughter probably knew that there is no way you would have permitted this if the mom was not going to be home. I think that your dislike of the mother is clouding your judgment and absolving your daughter of responsibility at least during that event.
I really get that you don't like the mother. I don't see why the tattoo and piercing information was included unless you think those things attest to her character. I have lots of friends that have tattoos and piercings and they are very nice people. I do not understand why the girl did not call her father herself.
I feel very bad for this girl and it makes me want to weep that the father-- despite his living conditions-- did not make arrangements to get his daughter out of such a dire situation but spoke on the phone to a stranger and gave his okay for her to move with you out of state. The whole "sorry, we'd love to have you but we have no room" for his daughter is just so wrong.
If you have no legal authority over the girl, you will be unable to access school information if you move and try to enroll her there, you won't have any access to her if she has a medical emergency and will have similar issues if she ever gets into some kind of trouble. If the mother wants her living there because she gets a check, there is no way she will make this legal so how are you going to manage those things out of state?
Again, I get what you want to do for her but you really should speak to an attorney first.
You have to get the mother's permission for this to work. THe legal route of forcning the decision on here will easily take years. Mother will give her permission if it benefits her.
You have to present the idea in a non-insulting manner. Not: You are an incompetent mother and she needs us to raise her" But "The girls are like sisters, it woudl be great if they could stay togetehr, She could stay with us like an exchange student" For it to work you have to get Dad to agree the child support and other payments to Mom will continue util the girl is 18. Then you need to subtly make the mom realize she will be recieving child support while you bear the related expenses. In other words, she ends up with even more moeny than she otherwise would. Daugher should also "kiss up" to mom. Tell her "I can come visit you some weekends and wew will spend our hollidays together. We do not get much time together during school anyway because I am busy and you are busy." Make it none insulting, non-threatening and completely beneficial. THen get her written agreement (and the fathers). You will also need power of attorney for making medical decisions for her so if she gets sick, you cna have her treated. Make it clear you are not taking over as parent, it is just an extended visit, like an exchange student.
One other thing. Depending on their relationship, it may be better for the Dad to pretend to be initially agaisnt the idea. If she hates him and he pushes for it, mom may resist it just because he likes the idea. If they do nto have an antaonistic relationship then Dad being in favor of it may be very helpful.
I do not know whether you can get her considered a dependant for taxes or get her covered under your health insurance. However she should be able to maintain the same health insurance she has now if any. Not sure whether you will have problems enrolling her in the school wherever you move. Probably not if you have power of attney and/or guardianship papers. Just make certain nothing looks like you are taking over or Mom will likely get her back up and say no.
If you are careful how you approach it, it cna probably be done smoothly. You will need a family lawyer to draw up power of attrney and other papers you need, or if you are smart and have a lot of time, ou could try to find them from a service like Legal zoom .com. It will not be free. You will incur some expense for her and then you will be taking over financial responsibility for her in some ways. You cannot expect and money from her parents. If you do this, it is out of the goodness of your heart, knowing it will be a considerable cost to you.
Keep in mind, once you are attached to this girl and she is relying on you for support, you may well feel compelled to try to help her with college if she goes, pay for her wedding etc. It may be a bigger commitment long term than you realize or expect.
You know this was how I'd wanted to approach it from the start before I spoke to the dad and step mother. We are not interested in the money, which is I think the only issue for the mother, The other would be saving face. I have calmed her down on quite a few occasions. She actually likes me, and I'd prefer to keep it that way,
The ex-husband and the new wife are angry about how she is treated, and that their money is not going to his daughter. I think that they might want some sort of revenge for the years of being denied access to her and the extortion of money from him mother.
I do think that we deserve recompense in terms of taxes. Funny you should say that because after a weekend in Philadelphia, my husband joked "so do we get to deduct her this year?".
Very good advice and this is the way I would want it to transpire in a perfect world.
I have listened to her complain about the hardships of single motherhood, her terrible ex-husbands, men in general and various other things that tick her off. College educated people who think they are better than everyone else and a new sudivision in our area consisting of what are essentially faux stome fronted enornous raised ranches with even larger garages "oh ya know some folkes think they got they the life with those houses up there and their Escalades...I should be driving an Escalade, people say I look good in them" I just smile and wait till the conversation has run it's course,
I personally don't care if she continues to recieve money, but the ex husband does. Any ideas how I can approach this?
You are putting the cart before the horse. Until the custody is settled, there is nothing else to discuss regarding money.
Really, how do you know the mother is not using the child support for it's intended purpose? She may spend every penny of it on rent and food, which benefits her daughter, while using her own salary to get the piercings and hair coloring you are judging her on.
Information about the woman's appearance was included both to flesh out the story, make it more real, and to let the readers know that this woman spares no expense on herself.
She is a regular at a Botox clinic that I myself have been to about twice a year.. She cries poverty and yet when I last saw her, she was leaving a tanning salon, wearing a fur jacket, and sporting 2 inch gel nails.
DD and friend just got in the fromt door and presented me with a list of things that were said to her over the past 24 hours.
They include 1. Go kill yourself!
2. You're mental and everyone knows it!
3. You're an ugly little ***** and you deserve a face full of pimples!
4. I will you'd off yourself like those kids from Hanover and Pittston did last week! I wish I was as lucky as
their parents are!
5 . And strangely, I'll have you PROSECUTED for all that you have put me through.
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