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Old 10-17-2012, 07:05 PM
 
32,516 posts, read 37,080,863 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
To stay away from the wrong type? Seriously, I tell my girls to stay away from lots of people like gang members, girls who are sleeping around, kids who do drugs, kids who lie about they behind their backs....what parent doesn't tell their child to stay away from the wrong types of people?
Question: How are they going to know how to deal with life and people when they're 25, out in the real world, and meeting real life gang bangers, drug users, and people who lie about people behind their backs?

"Stay away from that gangbanger". Yes, that works when they're on their way to work and have stopped for a cup of coffee and a donut and the homie walks in and stands in line in back of them and they're peeing in their pants because they have NO idea how to talk with him. (Which is, "You catch the Dodgers game last night?")

Must be nice to live in that bubble where the real world doesn't intrude and all the kids are "nice" kids.
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Old 10-17-2012, 07:10 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,460,699 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Question: How are they going to know how to deal with life and people when they're 25, out in the real world, and meeting real life gang bangers, drug users, and people who lie about people behind their backs?
Hopefully, they'll be skilled at staying away from them. I know I am. I'm not going to subject my dd's to gang bangers and drug users just because you think they need to be around them to learn to deal with them. IMO that is stupid.
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Old 10-17-2012, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 25,048,795 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
I agree. But here's the thing - your parents are who they are. That's really all there is to it. They did what they did because that's what they do, and it's really difficult to be something you aren't. In their minds, they were doing the right thing. That doesn't excuse them, but it's too late for that anyway.

You either make peace with that within yourself or you don't. They don't have any power over you anymore.
Very well stated.
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Old 10-17-2012, 07:21 PM
 
32,516 posts, read 37,080,863 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Hopefully, they'll be skilled at staying away from them. I know I am. I'm not going to subject my dd's to gang bangers and drug users just because you think they need to be around them to learn to deal with them. IMO that is stupid.
Yep. We actually taught our kids how to deal with gang bangers and drug users. As well as the people who know which fork to use during the fish course. I'm pretty proud that they know how to handle themselves around all kinds of people from all classes of life and in all kinds of neighborhoods. It's the same way my DH and I were raised. (And it's not "subjecting". For most of the country it's everyday life.)

I guess that's shocking to someone who sends their kids to an "upper class" school full of all the "right" kinds of kids.

BTW: None of them use drugs OR carry a gun so..... uh, oh..... I guess Mom and Dad had a little influence.
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Old 10-17-2012, 07:27 PM
 
2,779 posts, read 5,487,909 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
That depends on what you want your kids to aspire to.

Three years ago, we moved my dd from a middle class school, where she was hanging out with the wrong crowd, to an upper class school that doesn't have a wrong crowd. I am very pleased with the change in dd.

There's a reason things like sports and band have a positive influence on kids and part of it is who they are hanging out with.
Sorry I just had to comment on this. I went to a boarding school that is frequently listed among the most elite in the country. We had a very wrong crowd, they were just a better dressed and had more cash than your average wrong crowd. More than one member of my high school class is in prison.
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Old 10-17-2012, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,740,903 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post

As a high school teacher, I can testify that peers are THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT factor in a teens success.
Wow, you don't think much of yourself as a parent, then.

We all know peers are important. We've been teens, and many of us have teens.

But someone who does what you're describing (placing their kids in a school where - ahem - there is no wrong crowd) would be doing exactly what the OP's parents did: Filling them with a false sense of superiority that sets them up for a lifetime of disappointment.

"Pride breakfasted with plenty, dined with poverty and supped with infamy." Benjamin Franklin
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Old 10-17-2012, 09:45 PM
 
17,183 posts, read 22,829,738 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
To stay away from the wrong type? Seriously, I tell my girls to stay away from lots of people like gang members, girls who are sleeping around, kids who do drugs, kids who lie about they behind their backs....what parent doesn't tell their child to stay away from the wrong types of people?

As a high school teacher, I can testify that peers are THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT factor in a teens success. Put them with peers who want to succeed and they will try to succeed. Put them with peers who are losers and they'll drag them down. Teens have a strong desire to belong.
Interestingly, my dd was the kid who hung out with some *wrong types* and did end up being a good influence on them.

She was a great student, but she didn't hang out with the kids who were most of the time. She was artistic and hung out with the kids who were actors or artists. Many of those kids did do drugs. She did not and she was there to hold their hands when they needed her. She saw one of her girlfriends through a pregnancy and the open adoption of her little boy. Yet, she went on to a good college, got good grades and is a great adult.

I guess I got lucky. She was just never a follower. We did not dictate who her friends were. We did let her know about actions that were risky. In many ways, she learned about these consequences from these friends and by loyally standing by them when they were in trouble.

As for the *good crowd,* this was the kid who was switched out of the wealthy school mainly because these kids were bullies and very shallow. She was much happier after we switched her to the wrong side of the tracks middle school where the kids were mostly immigrants and accepting of all cultures and all levels of income.
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Old 10-17-2012, 10:11 PM
 
Location: Montgomery County, MD
3,236 posts, read 3,928,449 times
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Those "values parents" are generally ignorant right wing lunatics and are incapable of being persuaded by reason or logic in any area of their life. They live in their own little world in the first place and won't care if you don't like them. They'll blame the Devil or liberal media if their kids turn out screwed up.
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Old 10-18-2012, 04:07 AM
 
Location: Maine
2,272 posts, read 6,655,737 times
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It seems that some people equate kids from poor families, or non-white kids as the "wrong kids".

As someone pointed out, it is laughably naive to believe that rich kids can't be a bad influence. Drugs are rampant in elite private schools. Those kids have the money to get the drugs. And as someone else pointed out, the bullying and snobbery among upper class kids can be a problem.

We live in a wealthier town. I am under no delusions that my DD isn't already facing these issues in middle school. She calls them "the popular kids" and has a bit of disdain for them, stating that they only care about material things and are very judgmental.
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Old 10-18-2012, 04:15 AM
 
28,164 posts, read 25,227,386 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
That depends on what you want your kids to aspire to.

Three years ago, we moved my dd from a middle class school, where she was hanging out with the wrong crowd, to an upper class school that doesn't have a wrong crowd. I am very pleased with the change in dd.

There's a reason things like sports and band have a positive influence on kids and part of it is who they are hanging out with.
1. ALL institutions have a wrong crowd.

2. What does sports and band have to do with social class?
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