4.5 year-old and 10 month-old blues... (baby, parents, boys, son)

[jeffpv]

I have a 4.5 year old-son and a 10 month-old son.
The boys get along fine. The older son does not deliberately try to hurt his brother (at least I don't think so), and I haven't witnessed any direct aggression by him towards the baby.
However, occasionally the 4.5 year-old acts up in ways that he never had before his brother came along. He used to be very calm, but not he throws temper tantrums, doesn't listen, and misbehaves. This behavior has gotten more pronounced since he started preschool, as well. His preschool teacher says that she doesn't have any real behavior problems with him in class.
It is my belief that he is just doing it for parental attention, and that he's going through a "phase". We do our best to give both boys as much attention we can.
That being said, I would never claim to be a "parenting expert".
How have other parents dealt with similar situations, ones where the older child starts to act out when a younger child appears?
Thanks

[nana053]

It is normal for an older child to act up when a sibling comes on the scene.

Expect the rivalry to get a bit stronger once the younger sibling is walking and getting into the older ones toys.

Some things you can do that help.

Read some books with him that allow him to express how he really feels about his brother.

Martha Alexander's "Nobody asked me if I wanted a baby sister" is one good one.
There are many good ones that allow the older child to express the conflict he feels.

Make sure that the older sibling gets lots of one on one attention. Do things with him that are special (and do some things with the baby alone too - maybe while the older one is in school).

Emphasize the special things that your older child gets to do because he is older. Let him help with the baby some too so he feels like he is the *big helper.*

You may want to read Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. This book will give you lots of help on how to talk to the kids and prevent some of the rivalry as they get older.

[purehuman]

It could be that he's feeling angry that he can't stay with you (like his brother) and has to go to pre-school instead...sometimes temper tantrums and misbehaviour are ways young children use to get attention, but I don't think his misbehaviours have to do with anything about his lil brother , I think it's cause he doesn't like going to school.

[BirdieBelle]

He also simply could be more tired now that he is in preschool. Never underestimate how exhausting that routine can be for little kids.

Mine always slept hard on "school days."

Just be sure he gets plenty of rest and individual attention.

[brokencrayola]

Part of this is probably the age he is, part of it may be seeing and learning certain behaviors he sees at preschool, and a part of it is the new baby. If you could make time for him alone that would be good. He would probably really benefit by some one on one time with you and your SO.

[Hedgehog_Mom]

I noticed some whining and acting up in my usually very well-behaved child after she started pre-k. It was like she never realized she could act like that until she went to school and saw other kids doing it. She didn't do it at school either, just came home and tried it out. The best solution I found was to ignore it totally, and to tell everyone else in the family not to speak to her or look at her while she was acting up. Once she realized we were just going to act like she wasn't there, the tantrums ended.