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I looked through your public album and your daughter is a cutie. My son is literally 7 days older than her. It's kind of funny.
Second:
You can't "make" him do anything. You can attempt to make him pay child support(although there are ways for him to get around it), you can give him access to his daughter as much as possible(though he can say "no" and not step up). That's the extent of what you can do. And I think you need to do both(file child support and allow him to see his daughter).
1. He helped you make this baby, and at one point you two were in a relationship together. If he is man enough to put his seed in you, and stick with you the entire pregnancy, then I see no reason as to why he can't be a man and take care of his responsibilities. He OWES his daughter that money. Even if you don't need it, your daughter deserves it. If he goes to jail because he chooses not to pay it, so be it.
2. Your daughter will get older. And she will want to know who her father is(even if you are still with Jabari and he raises her as his own). What you DON'T want, is for your daughter to find out that her father tried to be in her life but you denied it. What you don't want is to be a part of NOT giving your daughter every advantage she could possibly have(which includes knowing her father and having him in her life). So YES you should let him see his daughter, in a safe, clean, place. If he chooses not to, and decides not to be in her life, that is another story and that is beyond your control. But I agree with the others: file child support, let her see her dad.
He doesnt pay child support and I probably wont file because he wont pay it anyway. All its going to do is make him go to jail which isnt my goal. Plus Ohio has backed child support so if I do decide to file it will go back to when she was born and he'll have to owe all of it.
I dont think I so much wanted to inspect her house but just go see where it is make sure its clean and see if there are some unsavory characters there. ( he's known for that )
I don't think you do anyone a favor by not filing for child support. For one your daughter is entitled to parental support -- from both parents.
Even if he pays just enough for her day care while you work, it would lift much of the burden -- you must have to work two or three jobs if you're having to do it all.
Child support is one issue and visitation is another. I think you need to get the courts to get this worked out -- for your daughter's sake.
I'm going to go against the popular opinion here and say I agree with Ohio. I wouldnt want my kid running around in filth and hanging out with god knows who.
I REALLY dont want to put him on child support. If he wants to help support her finacially I will more than welcome accept money from him to support our daughter but I dont want to MAKE him pay anything. If I put him on child support who is to say he doesnt get resentful and try to get his life together and then get custody? Unlikely but I couldnt fathom the idea of not seeing my daughters face every night and every morning. She is the reason I am alive the reason I breathe and I will not take any chances at losing her.
As to a previous posters question about government assitance she was getting Molina but they cut that off because I wouldnt put him on child support. So now shes covered under my insurance. She does get title XX (reduced daycare) but that doesnt have anything to do with the child support.
Im going to tell him that I would take the "inspection" off the table but I demand to meet his girlfreind and anyone who is going to be around her for prolonged periods of time. If this relationship with the gf lasts she is going to be helping raise our daughter and I want to make sure she understands what I find acceptable and not. (punishment foods tv) that sort of thing.
I understand that it is as much his daughter as she is mine but until he provides 50% of her support (which I will not force) then he doesnt have 50% say.
When I said that I was making him be a dad its just that. When he sees Trinitee its because I call and say "hey im right here wanna see the baby real quick?" He has called and asked to see her maybe 3 times since february.
Im not trying to hurt my daughter. I want her to have a dad. I want her to have a dad who takes her out on "dates" and shows her how a man should treat a woman so she never accepts anything less. I dont want her to feel that need to get a mans approval. I dont want her to wonder why she wasnt good enough to have a dad. I grew up without a dad and I think thats a big reason I allowed myself to be treated the way he treated me for so long. All it took was finding out I was pregnant for me to grow up. I wish I would have picked a better father for her but I didnt so lets move past that.
Im trying to do whats right for HER. At the end of the day I love my daughter more than the air I breathe and I just want her to be happy and successful at life.
I REALLY dont want to put him on child support. If he wants to help support her finacially I will more than welcome accept money from him to support our daughter but I dont want to MAKE him pay anything. If I put him on child support who is to say he doesnt get resentful and try to get his life together and then get custody? Unlikely but I couldnt fathom the idea of not seeing my daughters face every night and every morning. She is the reason I am alive the reason I breathe and I will not take any chances at losing her.
As to a previous posters question about government assitance she was getting Molina but they cut that off because I wouldnt put him on child support. So now shes covered under my insurance. She does get title XX (reduced daycare) but that doesnt have anything to do with the child support.
Im going to tell him that I would take the "inspection" off the table but I demand to meet his girlfreind and anyone who is going to be around her for prolonged periods of time. If this relationship with the gf lasts she is going to be helping raise our daughter and I want to make sure she understands what I find acceptable and not. (punishment foods tv) that sort of thing.
I understand that it is as much his daughter as she is mine but until he provides 50% of her support (which I will not force) then he doesnt have 50% say.
When I said that I was making him be a dad its just that. When he sees Trinitee its because I call and say "hey im right here wanna see the baby real quick?" He has called and asked to see her maybe 3 times since february.
Im not trying to hurt my daughter. I want her to have a dad. I want her to have a dad who takes her out on "dates" and shows her how a man should treat a woman so she never accepts anything less. I dont want her to feel that need to get a mans approval. I dont want her to wonder why she wasnt good enough to have a dad. I grew up without a dad and I think thats a big reason I allowed myself to be treated the way he treated me for so long. All it took was finding out I was pregnant for me to grow up. I wish I would have picked a better father for her but I didnt so lets move past that.
Im trying to do whats right for HER. At the end of the day I love my daughter more than the air I breathe and I just want her to be happy and successful at life.
Good to know. From what you've written it doesn't seem like he wants much to do with her(sorry to say)--I think continuing to do what you've done thus far(call him up when you're around to see her) is fine at least you are trying. It's beyond your control. In terms of meeting his girlfriend, if she is going to be around your child then YES I do think that you need to meet her and that you probably need to have a sit down with your ex and his gf about food, punishment, tv etc. However this does not mean that they'll do what you want, it is his child as well, and if he decides he doesn't agree with your "tv policy for instance or attitude about food, then there isn't much you can do beyond compromise.
If he does get himself together one day and decide he wants to pursue custody it is highly unlikely he would be able to take her away from you, especially since you've been raising her on your own since day 1. At that most he'd get visitation rights and that could range anywhere from seeing her every weekend, every other weekend, or one weekend a month.
I REALLY dont want to put him on child support. If he wants to help support her finacially I will more than welcome accept money from him to support our daughter but I dont want to MAKE him pay anything. If I put him on child support who is to say he doesnt get resentful and try to get his life together and then get custody? Unlikely but I couldnt fathom the idea of not seeing my daughters face every night and every morning. She is the reason I am alive the reason I breathe and I will not take any chances at losing her. As to a previous posters question about government assitance she was getting Molina but they cut that off because I wouldnt put him on child support. So now shes covered under my insurance. She does get title XX (reduced daycare) but that doesnt have anything to do with the child support.
Im going to tell him that I would take the "inspection" off the table but I demand to meet his girlfreind and anyone who is going to be around her for prolonged periods of time. If this relationship with the gf lasts she is going to be helping raise our daughter and I want to make sure she understands what I find acceptable and not. (punishment foods tv) that sort of thing.
I understand that it is as much his daughter as she is mine but until he provides 50% of her support (which I will not force) then he doesnt have 50% say.
When I said that I was making him be a dad its just that. When he sees Trinitee its because I call and say "hey im right here wanna see the baby real quick?" He has called and asked to see her maybe 3 times since february.
Im not trying to hurt my daughter. I want her to have a dad. I want her to have a dad who takes her out on "dates" and shows her how a man should treat a woman so she never accepts anything less. I dont want her to feel that need to get a mans approval. I dont want her to wonder why she wasnt good enough to have a dad. I grew up without a dad and I think thats a big reason I allowed myself to be treated the way he treated me for so long. All it took was finding out I was pregnant for me to grow up. I wish I would have picked a better father for her but I didnt so lets move past that.
Im trying to do whats right for HER. At the end of the day I love my daughter more than the air I breathe and I just want her to be happy and successful at life.
As long as you are a good mother to your daughter it is unlikely that he would get custody even if he got his act together.
It's dangerous to make your child the reason you live and breathe. As they get older they will surely disappoint you at times. Then what?
As your daughter gets older you will need to consider the neighborhood you live in and what kind of school she is zoned for. Unless you can afford to live in a great neighborhood and have her attend a wonderful school then you might need his financial help to give you better options....for her.
If he was abusive towards you I can see you wanting to be cautious, but if he wasn't you might want to ask yourself why it's so important to control her relationship with him. As long as he doesn't endanger her or put her in danger then he should be responsible for her financially and emotionally, along with you.
As long as you are a good mother to your daughter it is unlikely that he would get custody even if he got his act together.
It's dangerous to make your child the reason you live and breathe. As they get older they will surely disappoint you at times. Then what?
As your daughter gets older you will need to consider the neighborhood you live in and what kind of school she is zoned for. Unless you can afford to live in a great neighborhood and have her attend a wonderful school then you might need his financial help to give you better options....for her.
If he was abusive towards you I can see you wanting to be cautious, but if he wasn't you might want to ask yourself why it's so important to control her relationship with him. As long as he doesn't endanger her or put her in danger then he should be responsible for her financially and emotionally, along with you.
He was. He would hit me and the day he hit me in front of my daughter is the last day we were in a relationship together.
As for the reason I breathe part, after her dad and I broke up I went through a great depression and I honestly believe if it wasnt for her I would have killed myself. I felt worthless. I am currently seeing a therapist though and everything is under control. But what I meant by that was she gives me strength to pick up and get things done. I dont have a choice its not about me anymore. Its about her. Days when I dont want to get up and go to work I do because if I dont how will I give her the life she deserves. I went back to college, for her. I want to be a good role model. She is the reason behind everything I do. Every decision I make I take her into account first.
He was. He would hit me and the day he hit me in front of my daughter is the last day we were in a relationship together.
As for the reason I breathe part, after her dad and I broke up I went through a great depression and I honestly believe if it wasnt for her I would have killed myself. I felt worthless. I am currently seeing a therapist though and everything is under control. But what I meant by that was she gives me strength to pick up and get things done. I dont have a choice its not about me anymore. Its about her. Days when I dont want to get up and go to work I do because if I dont how will I give her the life she deserves. I went back to college, for her. I want to be a good role model. She is the reason behind everything I do. Every decision I make I take her into account first.
OK, everything makes sense now. I see why you want to control things with him so tightly. If he hit you, he is capable of hurting her at some point. It sounds like you are a devoted mom. Just be prepared that there will come a day when she makes you feel unappreciated. It's particularly challenging when you have tried so hard to give your child the world. Know that it's normal for a child to take it for granted and don't take it personally. Good luck.
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