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I would still put him on child support. There are plenty of men who just send a check and never see their child. It's sad but that's life. You could be stashing that money away as a college fund for your daughter.
Do not allow this man to be around this child without you!
Not rocket science lady!
Thats been my motto for the last 13 months !! She has never been around him without me. Ever. BUt everyone makes me feel like im using the fact that he doesnt want me as a reason to keep his daughter from him but thats not it at ALL. I dont think he owuld ever hurt her. I truly in my heart dont. If that were the case I wouldnt even entertain the idea. He loves her. But who knows what could happen?
He would hit me and the day he hit me in front of my daughter is the last day we were in a relationship together.
Did you report this to the police at the time? Because if you did not it won't be relevant if there's ever a custody hearing.
Is dad on the birth certificate? If not he has no rights to the child until he files in court to establish paternity. You don't have to give him any access to your daughter at all. By the same token, he doesn't have to provide any support without a court order in place, and in fact he would be a fool to do so since those payments to you would not be included when calculating back to what he owes.
Did you report this to the police at the time? Because if you did not it won't be relevant if there's ever a custody hearing.
Is dad on the birth certificate? If not he has no rights to the child until he files in court to establish paternity. You don't have to give him any access to your daughter at all. By the same token, he doesn't have to provide any support without a court order in place, and in fact he would be a fool to do so since those payments to you would not be included when calculating back to what he owes.
I did call the police but when they came he told them I hit him first so they said if they take him they have to take me. So I didnt press charges.
He doesnt pay child support and I probably wont file because he wont pay it anyway. All its going to do is make him go to jail which isnt my goal. Plus Ohio has backed child support so if I do decide to file it will go back to when she was born and he'll have to owe all of it.
I dont think I so much wanted to inspect her house but just go see where it is make sure its clean and see if there are some unsavory characters there. ( he's known for that )
Did he WANT this baby or did you tell him you were having her whether he wanted you to or not?
I also don't blame you about wanting to meet the girlfriend or see the house where they will be staying. Sounds perfectly reasonable since he knows where YOU live.
Also, what if he doesn't bring her back and the cops ask you where he lives and what his girlfriend looks like?
Here is the dealio. On the one hand, you are pressuring him to be in her life where otherwise he would just ... fade away. You want a lot from her father. News flash. If you have to nag him to see her, you are never going to get it. Why not just let him fade away and look for another good male role model.
I was kind of grossed out by the notion of your father on a date with your daughter, btw. Kids learn male female interaction by watching grown males and females. Not by having their fathers not be fathers to them.
I was kind of grossed out by the notion of your father on a date with your daughter, btw. Kids learn male female interaction by watching grown males and females. Not by having their fathers not be fathers to them.
She didn't mean THAT kind of date in which her little girl learns male/female interaction. She meant a father/daughter outing/visit/whateveryouwanttocallit.
I agree with somebodynew's advice to let Dad fade away. If he calls and asks to see your daughter then I'd let him but I'd keep doing it the way you have been doing it, with you present. I would stop calling him and asking him if he wants to see her and I would not file for child support because it seems like it could open the door to him demanding more access to her. My bet is that he will fade out of your lives for the most part. Sad for your daughter but based on what I've learned about his character from your posts, maybe not such a bad thing. Sorry you have to deal with this. You sound like a good mom.
Thats been my motto for the last 13 months !! She has never been around him without me. Ever. BUt everyone makes me feel like im using the fact that he doesnt want me as a reason to keep his daughter from him but thats not it at ALL. I dont think he owuld ever hurt her. I truly in my heart dont. If that were the case I wouldnt even entertain the idea. He loves her. But who knows what could happen?
I think you should do everything in your power to facilitate a relationship between the father and daughter. You said in the OP that he has started to step up. It's very hard to offer advice in a situation like this because there is a ton of backstory and hurt feelings that are probably involved but if you know he would never hurt her, loves her, and has begun taking steps then I think you should allow a relationship to develop at a pace that you are comfortable with.
Edited to add: I was responding to the OP. I just saw Dorthy's post so I may be missing some critical information. The above may not apply if that's the case.
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