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Old 10-15-2012, 02:02 PM
 
1,067 posts, read 1,676,184 times
Reputation: 1081

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Hey guys ! I havent been on in FOREVER I hope everyone is doing ok.

Quick update: Trinitee is 13 months old today and she finally got 2 bottom teeth a last week. She also started fully walking yesterday ! WHOOP

I have been FANTASTIC Im in a relationship (Jabari) since the end of JUne but I just introduced him to Miss Trinitee Sunday. (she actually took her first steps to him awww )

Anyways to the issue at hand.

Trinitee's dad (T) has been *kind of* stepping up. He moved kind of closer to my house so he has seen her quite a bit over the last few weeks, albeit only for about 15 minutes but hey its better than nothing I guess. The only thing is its always outside. He lives with his mom and the house is DISGUSTING like dod feces everywhere gnats just ewww. And I dont want him in my home.

Well since me and her dad broke up I told him his new girlfriend would NEVER be allowed around my daughter. I know I know very petty and childish. Well Jabari has been telling me that its not fair and I shouldnt hold his daughter over his head for our past relationship.

So after months and months of thinking about it and hearing others opinions I decided...to allow it.

This past Friday I told him that Trinitee would be allowed to be around his girlfriend BUT I had to meet her first and talk to her and see the house where my daughter would be.

He said I was asking for too much.

He said that he didnt get the choice to do all that with Jabari so why should I. I told him when he helps support he can make some decisions. Well that conversation didnt end well.

Im ready to just say forget it if you wanna see her take me to court. Im not having my daughter outside in the cold with her asthma. And Im tired of him seeing her when he feels like it. He refuses to set up a schedule. He refuses to meet at McDonalds or the mall or places like that. Im ready to say forget it.
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Awful, hot, sticky, crime filled SW FL
18 posts, read 29,970 times
Reputation: 33
I'm not sure of your whole back story but I say let him take you to court. Does he pay child support? I'm guessing not. If you want c/s, go file & he can say whether he wants visitation or not.
I absolutely would not allow my daughter to be in a house of filth. Tell him to get it together & clean it up! He shouldn't be wanting to live in filth either! I don't see why he would be taking his daughter to his girlfriends house if he lives with his mother. I also think it's a bit unreasonable for you to inspect her house. If this is a serious girlfriend, then meeting her in a public place like a park should be ok with all of you, especially if she will be involved in your daughters life.
Unfortunately, we can't always control what happens when children go with their other parent, just as they can't control what you guys do when she's in your care.
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:21 PM
 
1,067 posts, read 1,676,184 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by needanew View Post
I'm not sure of your whole back story but I say let him take you to court. Does he pay child support? I'm guessing not. If you want c/s, go file & he can say whether he wants visitation or not.
I absolutely would not allow my daughter to be in a house of filth. Tell him to get it together & clean it up! He shouldn't be wanting to live in filth either! I don't see why he would be taking his daughter to his girlfriends house if he lives with his mother. I also think it's a bit unreasonable for you to inspect her house. If this is a serious girlfriend, then meeting her in a public place like a park should be ok with all of you, especially if she will be involved in your daughters life.
Unfortunately, we can't always control what happens when children go with their other parent, just as they can't control what you guys do when she's in your care.

Thanks for the response!

He doesnt pay child support and I probably wont file because he wont pay it anyway. All its going to do is make him go to jail which isnt my goal. Plus Ohio has backed child support so if I do decide to file it will go back to when she was born and he'll have to owe all of it.

I dont think I so much wanted to inspect her house but just go see where it is make sure its clean and see if there are some unsavory characters there. ( he's known for that )
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:22 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 54,026,644 times
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Wow. There are so many things wrong with this post that I don't know where to begin. But here we go.

1) He's the father of the child and has rights, regardless of who he's dating. Unless he is endangering the life of the child you really don't get to tell him where he takes his daughter or who's with him.

2) If he goes to court, especially if he's paying child support, you'll lose every time. Instead of paying out thousands in legal fees and generating a bunch of ill-will because you're wanting to be spiteful, be the bigger person and let the father of your child see his daughter?
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:26 PM
 
1,067 posts, read 1,676,184 times
Reputation: 1081
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Wow. There are so many things wrong with this post that I don't know where to begin. But here we go.

1) He's the father of the child and has rights, regardless of who he's dating. Unless he is endangering the life of the child you really don't get to tell him where he takes his daughter or who's with him.

2) If he goes to court, especially if he's paying child support, you'll lose every time. Instead of paying out thousands in legal fees and generating a bunch of ill-will because you're wanting to be spiteful, be the bigger person and let the father of your child see his daughter?

Thanks for your response!


You really dont know the background story your not really in position to make those assumptions.

1) He doesnt have ANY rights to my daughter legally. As an unwed mother in Ohio the mother automatically takes on full custody. I by all right DO get to tell him where he takes his daughter and who is with him.

2) He doesnt pay child support. In fact since February when we broke up he has given a total of $65 and bought her a few birthday gifts. other than that NOTHING so this point is moot.
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:38 PM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,227,316 times
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cpg35223 is right OhioChick...the man has a right to see his child...when you deny him those rights, or set up a bunch of conditions he must meet first, you could be creating a lot more hostility than need be...Suppose he had your child for a few hours and refused to bring her back (he could do this, unless the courts gave YOU physical custody), how would you feel if he set up a bunch of conditions to be met before he'd bring her back or "allow" YOU to see her again...when you make desicians about this child you can't forget that she's not only yours, she belongs to her father as well.
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Awful, hot, sticky, crime filled SW FL
18 posts, read 29,970 times
Reputation: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by OhioChic View Post
Thanks for the response!

He doesnt pay child support and I probably wont file because he wont pay it anyway. All its going to do is make him go to jail which isnt my goal. Plus Ohio has backed child support so if I do decide to file it will go back to when she was born and he'll have to owe all of it.

I dont think I so much wanted to inspect her house but just go see where it is make sure its clean and see if there are some unsavory characters there. ( he's known for that )
It's a long process before he'd go to jail for not paying. Why don't you want him to contribute to her care? This seems a little strange to me. He should absolutely be contributing to the cost of raising his child. You are allowing him to be a deadbeat father. If he chooses to not step up, get a job & and act like an adult, then he will & should pay the consequences.

I would not allow him to take your daughter anywhere until there is a set custody agreement & he is paying child support.
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:45 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,150,996 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
cpg35223 is right OhioChick...the man has a right to see his child...when you deny him those rights, or set up a bunch of conditions he must meet first, you could be creating a lot more hostility than need be..

Which is not good for the child AND is highly likely to bite you in the butt in the years to come.
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:57 PM
 
782 posts, read 1,102,746 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
1) He's the father of the child and has rights, regardless of who he's dating. Unless he is endangering the life of the child you really don't get to tell him where he takes his daughter or who's with him.
Sorry, but I'd want to know who was around my child, and that it was safe conditions for him to be around as well, and I would expect any responsible parent to do the same.
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Old 10-15-2012, 03:13 PM
 
Location: Awful, hot, sticky, crime filled SW FL
18 posts, read 29,970 times
Reputation: 33
I will agree with a few above posters. He is her father & does have rights. However, until one of you legally establishes those rights, I don't think it matters. It seems he only wants to see her when it's convenient for him. That's not how being a parent works. Take him to court, get him paying child support, and have the court set up a visitation schedule. When he doesn't show up during his time, report him. You really can't control what he does or where he takes her, but if his house is as disgusting as you say, make sure it is known through your case worker so other visitation arrangements can be made.

You can NOT force him to be a father. If he really has no interest, then have him terminate his parental rights.
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