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Is it just me or is this all just kind of part of being a kid? I was outside this summer on our front porch sharing some wine with our neighbors and we saw a group of 3 or 4 girls (they're 12 or 13) sneak out giggling, run to the streetlight to meet two boys who had obviously snuck out too. Everyone giggled for a while and then both sets went home.
No, I don't think as a parent you allow this stuff but I don't think it is the end of the world either.
Most of the bad stuff I did as a teen took place after school before dinner time when my parents thought I was at after school activities and I was really at a friend's house who's Mom worked late. I never did anything dangerously objectionable at a sleepover.
Yeah, but that's how many of us were raised back in the day (sorry Hedge...don't mean to try and guess your age). Life was different, parents were different, kids were too...
Our youngest was always considered the least likely of our three to ever get into trouble. He was the one who snuck out of our basement to TP a girl's house during our annual, unsanctioned "junior-senior wars". He had the bad luck of being spotted by a patrol car, and being told to sit on the curb while the officer called us at 3:00 am. This same boy had friends sleeping over while he was recovering from surgery. Those friends carried beer in through the basement door after we had gone to bed.
He served his grounding sentences with grace both times, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't regret either night.
I am the mom of 3 grown children; each of them was different, with unique personalities and "foibles," shall we say. One of my kids was a real winner~~he was always doing something he wasn't supposed to. In his case, I ended up 1) revoking his permission to drive and 2) banning from the Internet for 5 years.
I wasn't overbearing, but I WAS strict! The kids knew right from wrong. How they chose to handle the responsibility and ME was up to them, but I didn't believe in the "three strikes you're out" theory. If it was bad enough, I'd ban you from the Internet and take away a license.
I also had a great deal of fun at their expense, and taught them that they could have a good time without spinning the world off it's axis.
From a kid's perspective . . . think of a warm summer night - having lots of energy and curiosity and wanting to have FUN . . .what kid in their right mind would choose to sleep at 11:00 versus sneaking out at 1 a.m.? Life is exciting when you are a teen . . . the nights are beautiful . . .can you imagine being locked in a house when your soul wants to explore the world?
If you think of it in terms of an animals natural instincts, it is not so perverse. In fact, it is perfectly natural.
when I was an older teen 15/16/17, I can remember sneaking into a bunch of girls sleep overs where parents were passed out upstairs. It didn't ALWAYS end up being what parents would consider awful, but there were times sex happened, drinking happened, sex in a hot tub happened, etc etc. I wasn't that big into drinking or sex, so if it happened to me...my advice would just be to stay awake and be alert!
I wasn't overbearing, but I WAS strict! The kids knew right from wrong. How they chose to handle the responsibility and ME was up to them, but I didn't believe in the "three strikes you're out" theory. If it was bad enough, I'd ban you from the Internet and take away a license.
I wouldn't call it overbearing or strict, but I had a seriously overprotective mom. Even as a tween I had an independent streak a mile wide, always wanted to go off and do my own thing - even if it was just going to a quiet place in the woods to read a book. But every time I left the house, I had to face the interrogation: Where are you going? How are you getting there? Who are you going with? Who else will be there? What will you be doing? Will the parents be home? When will you be back? Have you done your homework? Are you wearing that?
As you might imagine, it took a very short time for that to start feeling oppressive, and I started to push back. I learned to make up whatever story my parents wanted to hear and then go off and do what I wanted. As a result I was smoking weed at 13, drinking and having sex at 14, taking LSD at 15, snorting coke at 16. I routinely claimed to be staying over at a girlfriend's house and then spent the night with my boyfriend - until I got caught. The more I pushed back, the more my mom clamped down, and I ended up moving out to live on my own when I was just shy of 17. My relationship with my mom improved immediately, and we have been on good terms ever since. But I knew even then that I didn't want that relationship with my own kids.
I am not saying everyone's kids will react the way I did. I'm not proud, and when I look back on this as an adult and a parent, I'm a bit shocked at the stupid stuff I did as a teen. Anyway, I just wanted to mention that what seems like simply strict to you can sometimes backfire completely.
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