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Specifically, I saw an incident that got an entire birthday party booted out of a Chuck E. Cheese. It was almost 10 years ago, but such a commotion that I remember it like it was yesterday (even though the party I attended wasn't involved).
Party A included a kid (estimated age 6-7) who was, even to me - outside his party, noticably out-of-control (and if you've seen the standards of behavior at Chuck E. Cheese, that's really saying something). Anyway, at one point, he decides it would be funny to just go up to the (not-yet-cut) birthday cake and dive into it with his hands and face.
That's bad enough, but he went to the WRONG TABLE and trashed the cake of Party B. (Picture being at Chuck E. Cheese and having some random kid shove his face in YOUR cake for yucks. ) To make matters worse, the members of Party B were a bit "rough", and far from understanding. They let the members of Party A have a huge earful. Eventually, the manager came out and got to the bottom of the whole thing. He insisted that the kid at fault leave immediately. Of course, there was no parent to be found (that seems to be a common thread for poorly-behaved kids - dump and run), so the birthday kid and family had to take him home, ending their party right there.
The Chuck E. Cheese brought out some lame frozen cake they keep in the back, but it was nowhere near what Party B had before.
Did I mention the incredible level of tension throughout the entire restaurant???
One kid - two parties ruined.
Well that is bad. Really bad. I can understand where you're coming from a little bit better now.
I want to respond but I have no idea what your first statement means. tha
I agree with you about the giving in does not equal respect. Respect is when you listen to what the person is saying and wishes and you talk it out with the child (in this case) and come to a mutual understanding within a suitable time frame.
If you want to respond to this please do or argue it. I still would not invite the new neighbor's child since it has been a drawn out issue with the birthday party child of asking and not sitting down with them and coming to a mutual understanding. 'Beating an dead horse' I believe is the old saying, like what we are doing.
In the end, your primary responsibility is to your own child, not some other random kid.
Yeah, and funny thing but.... I considered this part of my responsibility as a parent: To NOT inflict on the world a grown up adult who was raised as a spoiled, tamper tantrum throwing, elitist child who thought he deserved everything he wanted in life.
And yes, I managed to accomplish this by raising kids who knew they weren't the center of the universe, that other kids had feelings and sometimes the right thing to do in life is the thing that causes discomfort.
A kid goes wild a Chuck E. Cheese? You wipe off everyone's hands and face and thank the employees for bringing the reserve goodie from the back. Then you make a mental note to make sure you talk about it with your child when you get home: "Well, that was weird wasn't it? Why do you think he did that? It wasn't very cool, was it?" And you know that in 20 years your child will talk about it at Thanksgiving: "Hey Mom. Remember when Weird Wally went postal at Preston's birthday party and threw himself into the cake?" And you all have a laugh because Weird Wally now has his own show on cable.
Yeah, and funny thing but.... I considered this part of my responsibility as a parent: To NOT inflict on the world a grown up adult who was raised as a spoiled, tamper tantrum throwing, elitist child who thought he deserved everything he wanted in life.
And yes, I managed to accomplish this by raising kids who knew they weren't the center of the universe, that other kids had feelings and sometimes the right thing to do in life is the thing that causes discomfort.
A kid goes wild a Chuck E. Cheese? You wipe off everyone's hands and face and thank the employees for bringing the reserve goodie from the back. Then you make a mental note to make sure you talk about it with your child when you get home: "Well, that was weird wasn't it? Why do you think he did that? It wasn't very cool, was it?" And you know that in 20 years your child will talk about it at Thanksgiving: "Hey Mom. Remember when Weird Wally went postal at Preston's birthday party and threw himself into the cake?" And you all have a laugh because Weird Wally now has his own show on cable.
I don't think a kid should be forced to endure the trashing of his birthday cake. I don't think that's fair to the kid having the birthday party or to the other guests. Luckily, things like that don't happen very often.
I've been around lots of rambunctious, goofy kids but smashing a birthday cake....no.
There is a balance to be struck. The party is for a purpose. For the celebration of a child's birthday. To that goal, there is some room to accommodate the desires of the birthday child. On the flip side, no one, the birthday child in particular, is served by allowing hurt feelings and spoilage rule the day. But it is unfortunately true that no one owes our children invitations to parties. When a child can manage empathy with grace, I think that is terrific! But I think forced empathy is no empathy at all.
I don't think a kid should be forced to endure the trashing of his birthday cake.
Neither do I. How did you pull "forcing a kid to endure the trashing of his birthday cake" out of my post?
I'm talking about the situation where some kid goes nuts-o and you use it as a teaching moment. Because stuff happens. I'm not saying, "Invite the wildest kid in the neighborhood to the party so you can subject your child to Wild Wally doing a swan dive into his cake."
BTW: If we did have a kid who came to the party and, because of some behavioral problem he has no control over, he did something like that my reaction is still: clean everyone up and keep going. Life is messy. And I believe that the 9-year old who learns that there are kids with problems/disabilities/challenges is going to be the adult who has compassion for the "slow" guy on the bus.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 11-01-2012 at 03:23 PM..
I view kids misbehaving in group situations as a form of bullying. Here's why:
A bully walks up to another kid, takes his candy and eats it. He does what he wants, and doesn't care about the impact on the other kid.
A bully ridicules another kid for his own amusement. He does what he wants, and doesn't care about the impact on the other kid.
So far, no argument, I presume. But, to me, that's no different than:
A bully misbehaves and ruins a group situation, such as a party. He does what he wants, and doesn't care about the impact on the other kids.
And I don't think any excuses need to be made for not inviting a bully to a party.
I view kids misbehaving in group situations as a form of bullying. Here's why:
A bully walks up to another kid, takes his candy and eats it. He does what he wants, and doesn't care about the impact on the other kid.
A bully ridicules another kid for his own amusement. He does what he wants, and doesn't care about the impact on the other kid.
So far, no argument, I presume.
You presume far wrong. At 4 years old, they have No Idea. Of course they don't care about the impact on the other kid. They have just begun to be aware that the other kid IS an other. He has accepted that Mom and Dad and his immediate family are others. He needs to be TAUGHT that this kid is an other in his own right WITH his own rights. Isolation won't do that.
There is simply no such thing as a 4yo bully. Kids need to be damaged by their adults a whole lot longer than that to truly develop into a bully.
I view kids misbehaving in group situations as a form of bullying. Here's why:
A bully walks up to another kid, takes his candy and eats it. He does what he wants, and doesn't care about the impact on the other kid.
A bully ridicules another kid for his own amusement. He does what he wants, and doesn't care about the impact on the other kid.
So far, no argument, I presume. But, to me, that's no different than:
A bully misbehaves and ruins a group situation, such as a party. He does what he wants, and doesn't care about the impact on the other kids.
And I don't think any excuses need to be made for not inviting a bully to a party.
I think it sometimes can be a form of bullying to act up at a party. But most of the time it's just social inexperience, not knowing what is protocall for a pinata for instance. These kids aren't being "mean" when they start beating on the pinata before everyone else has gotten into line, they just literally need to be told what to do because, while it might be the 578th party your kid has been to, this might be the only party that this kid has ever been to. It might be a pain to explain the pinata procedure for the 578th time, but it's the kind and appropriate thing to do.
Other times - a kid trashing a birthday cake, stealing and/or stomping presents, hitting other kids might very well rise to the level of bullying. I guess it depends on the situation.
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) To make matters worse, the members of Party B were a bit "rough", and far from understanding. They let the members of Party A have a huge earful. Eventually, the manager came out and got to the bottom of the whole thing. He insisted that the kid at fault leave immediately. Of course, there was no parent to be found (that seems to be a common thread for poorly-behaved kids - dump and run), so the birthday kid and family had to take him home, ending their party right there. 
tha
