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If he took his cues from me at 23 years old I had been a cop for 3 years already, living in my own apartment, married with one child. So yeah I have painted a picture and set an example of how not to do the right thing. Yet I have a daughter living in the same house who at 14 has already had a summer job and is a straight A student. Again if you would rather criticize my parenting tactics that's ok, but the topic is giving children unrestricted internet access. I think in today's society parent's should make every effort to keep their children safe and again how that is achieved is up to the parent NOT the public at large. As for how I have decided to run my household you'll have to agree to disagree with it. I have my reasons for what I do and you obviously don't agree with it and thats ok. I'm no better or worse at being a parent than anyone else.
I don't agree with giving children unrestricted internet access. I have a problem with restricting content for adults. I do agree that parents should keep their children safe. However, there comes a point where kids have to make their own decisions about what to do online. You son is well past that age. He is 23 years old. Unless he has some sort of disability he should be able to access whatever he likes on the internet.
As far as taking his cue from you, what I mean is that he takes his cue about how he should act from how you expect him to act. Restricting his internet access does not force him to look for a job. Evicting him from your home would force him to look for a job. You say that you require all adults to be in school or have a job, yet you allow him to live in your house without doing either. That tells him that you see him as a child,not an adult. So he keeps acting like a child. It has nothing to do with what you did when you were 23 and everything to do with how you treat him like a child. If you want him to get a job you are going to have to do something to force him to get a job. Restricting his internet access will not make him apply for jobs.
Sure. Despite your claims, a 23 old is not a child in the eyes of the law. They are an adult and enjoy all legal protections of any other adult. Depending on what you are monitoring you might be guilty of violating the Electronic Communications Privacy Act. There is no "household exemption" for the act. Spouses have been convicted under this law for overzealous spying on their partners.
I don't think he is spying, just restricting access to certain types of sites.
Well, there's your problem right there. It's not that you're restricting his internet hours. It's that you've got a kid who was fired by his own mother because he couldn't hack it who is now sitting at home playing video games.
Sack lunch. Computer access at the library or job resource center. Nine to five every day. See you when you get home, Junior. (And if he wants to play video games with his younger sibling, fine. They're doing it on the family computer in the living room after supper and he's got the dishes done. You think you're tough? Sorry. You aren't even in the running.)
All good ideas. The PS3 is already in the living room and the house rule is that it is only to be played when homework is done, or housework is complete. I'm sure if I did what you wrote some of the posters here would have tried to have me arrested for unawful eviction, or domestic violence. Throw a criminal charge out and see if it sticks.
I don't agree with giving children unrestricted internet access. I have a problem with restricting content for adults. I do agree that parents should keep their children safe. However, there comes a point where kids have to make their own decisions about what to do online. You son is well past that age. He is 23 years old. Unless he has some sort of disability he should be able to access whatever he likes on the internet.
As far as taking his cue from you, what I mean is that he takes his cue about how he should act from how you expect him to act. Restricting his internet access does not force him to look for a job. Evicting him from your home would force him to look for a job. You say that you require all adults to be in school or have a job, yet you allow him to live in your house without doing either. That tells him that you see him as a child,not an adult. So he keeps acting like a child. It has nothing to do with what you did when you were 23 and everything to do with how you treat him like a child. If you want him to get a job you are going to have to do something to force him to get a job. Restricting his internet access will not make him apply for jobs.
Look if the whole thing were up to me I would have kicked him out of the house 3 years ago. I am still married and even though some of you accuse me of ignoring her I do have this constant conversation with my wife about how to handle this situation. She managed to get to the point where she made him resign his position at work (so she would not have to actually fire him). My wife is on some other reality and I have been patiently waiting for her to join the real world already in progress.
All good ideas. The PS3 is already in the living room and the house rule is that it is only to be played when homework is done, or housework is complete. I'm sure if I did what you wrote some of the posters here would have tried to have me arrested for unawful eviction, or domestic violence.
Not at all. Many of the women posting here believe in the "my house, my rules" theory. It's come up many times.
Where you went off the rails was in coming across as a chest-thumping chauvinist who lorded over your wife. (Which was why I asked you about it.) The women who post here are a strong, intelligent bunch and we tend to pick up on controlling, over-bearing men. And women.Then another male poster came her and told you watch out because those evil women's libbers will get you because you are a man and have rules. And you seemed to take the bait. Maybe for a reason? That's not yet clear.
But that's not how we roll. NJGOAT is a man and many of us eagerly anticipate his postings. (He has a bit of a fan club.) The difference? We know he's a fair, wise, dedicated husband and father who is secure enough in himself that he works with his wife. And he's illustrated he is a fair, loving father to his kids.
If anyone of either sex posts something that comes across as sexist or excessively controlling they'll get called on it. (Some men choose to see that as, "Your picking on me because I'm a man! You, you.... You Women's Libber you!!" Yeah. Like that's going to bother someone who faces the glass ceiling. )
Last edited by DewDropInn; 10-26-2012 at 10:24 AM..
Restricting access is NOT spying!!! I don't read is IMs or e-mail. Get it straight. You are making a false allegation. Nice try. I would like to hire your law firm when I purchase the Brooklyn Bridge.
Great reading comp skills there. I said "you might be", do you understand what that means? Based on your apparent control freak nature it would not surprise me one bit if you had a keystroke monitor or even a packet interceptor installed.
Not at all. Many of the women posting here believe in the "my house, my rules" theory. It's come up many times.
Where you went off the rails was in coming across as a chest-thumping chauvinist who lorded over your wife. (Which was way I asked you about it.) The women who post here are a strong, intelligent bunch and we tend to pick up on controlling, over-bearing men. Then another male poster came her and told you watch out because those evil women's libbers will get you because you are a man and have rules. (And you seemed to take the bait.)
But that's not how we roll. NJGOAT is a man and many of us eagerly anticipate his postings. (He has a bit of a fan club.) The difference? We know he's a fair, wise, dedicated husband and father who is secure enough in himself that he works with his wife.
Thanks. I did just try to stay on topic as many times in the past I have been scolded here for going off topic but the more I stayed on topic the more this thread turned into passing judgment on my parenting skills. I also love the armchair lawyer thrown in for good measure. OHHH!! I'm scared the long arm of the law is coming after the overbearing father!!
Look if the whole thing were up to me I would have kicked him out of the house 3 years ago. I am still married and even though some of you accuse me of ignoring her I do have this constant conversation with my wife about how to handle this situation. She managed to get to the point where she made him resign his position at work (so she would not have to actually fire him). My wife is on some other reality and I have been patiently waiting for her to join the real world already in progress.
This sounds like more of a marital issue than anything else. I don't think restricting his internet access is going to solve the problem. Why was he unable to perform at work? I think helping him solve that problem would go a lot further in helping him move along in life than restricting what websites he can access.
Great reading comp skills there. I said "you might be", do you understand what that means? Based on your apparent control freak nature it would not surprise me one bit if you had a keystroke monitor or even a packet interceptor installed.
Make your claims based on fact not suspicion. Knowledge of the law should be based on what I ACTUALLY did not may have done. I have yet to see anyone arrested on a maybe and NYC is full of them.
This sounds like more of a marital issue than anything else. I don't think restricting his internet access is going to solve the problem. Why was he unable to perform at work? I think helping him solve that problem would go a lot further in helping him move along in life than restricting what websites he can access.
Wow thanks I never thought of it that way. I see the light now. Problem solved. Now what should we do to protect our children from dangerous predators on the internet? Any ideas??
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