Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It might be helpful for diagnostic purposes to video him at various times - when he's playing normally, when he's interacting with his siblings, and when he's acting up. Include your own responses to him if possible.
Poor little guy - it does sound as if he's got something going on which is likely to have been exacerbated by all the changes in his life. As another poster noted, children can be incredibly sensitive to parental conflict, even when it's handled in a very civilized fashion, as appears to be the case here.
One more thought - might he have tonsil, ear, and adenoid problems? This can cause poor sleep and resulting short attention span, impulsivity, and more. I wouldn't rule out physical components yet...also, he's been suddenly exposed to lots of other small children, which is a recipe for unavoidable respiratory infection which can worsen the above problems.
As others have suggested, weaning him off whatever meds he's presently on, along with checking for "TEA" problems, and tucking him in bed earlier might provide a clearer view of his "normal". Once that's determined, you'll have a better idea of how to help him.
I suggest a couple of books. The first will give you some techniques for handling the meltdowns. The second is a more general guide to handling spirited kids.
The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Ross W. Greene
Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
I'm no doctor but this is a sure case of oh crap mommy and daddy had another kid.
Clearly the biting and other instances of doing things that gain attention are just that, to get attention, subconsciously or even consciously he feels another sibling means less attention for him so he is doing things to gain attention. Everything being "his" goes right along with that, sharing is something that has to be taught. We are selfish and greedy by nature, he feels with more siblings the more possessive he has to be over "his" things so they stay his.
Good thing it's curable, a) he'll get older and realize another sibling doesn't mean mom and dad will care less about him b) start spending more time with him and praise good behavior. When he sees mom and dad still want to play with him and are happy when he is a good boy.
Your doctor is a fool, I am 23 with no children but I am a first born, been there done that had the screaming fit over which toys were mine, it clear what he is going through, it's not rocket science, nor medical science.
I think the first thing you need to do is made sure your son is indeed ADHD. He doesn't sound like it to me, but I am not a child psychiatrist. I know you live in a rural area, but you need to take him to a child psychologist or child psychiatrist and get a good evaluation done on him. You can't just keep pumping drugs into him without a really valid diagnosis. The drugs may not be working because he doesn't have the right diagnosis and being medicated for something he doesn't have. I don't think your small town doc is going to cut it. Some of this could be his age as well.
My soon to be 4 year old son was diagnosed in August with ADHD since then he has been on 2 meds and the 2nd one has started to wear off its not working anymore so probably going to be on to #3 here soon which I don't want. We live in a small town so the doctor is only here 1 day a week and that's the only time he sees my son so not sure how he diagnosed him with ADHD,he won't listen when we ask about alternative solutions like maybe diet change and won't give suggestions he says we need to just find the right medicine for my son. Since the birth of our 3rd child in April my son has gotten worse with time...he loves school but is constantly getting in trouble for biting people,punching people,he screams at people if they try to play in "his" area or on "his" toys...today he literally had a complete meltdown on the way home because I refused to get him a cheeseburger....its just beyond crazy now...I don't know what to do...there are no other doctors here and I don't think the medicine thing is EVER going to work...I was diagnosed with ADHD and was switched around meds for a long time and nothing ever worked...what others suggestions do I have?I just need some suggestions or what others have done in a situation like this.
I'm not expert, but even I know that's probably not ADHD. Those meds are so dangerous. If you're not seeing any improvement, then for god's sake get him off the meds (you can't stop cold turkey, though, ask the doctor - and really, there's only one doc in your town??). Perhaps he's not getting enough attention or enough sleep. My son is about the same age and also can have a total meltdown over something stupid, although he doesn't hit or bite at school. Those behaviors do not sound normal. The thing is, "gettting in trouble" sounds odd to me. What kind of school is this? Usually at that age preschool tries to teach good social behavior, not punish kids. Also, 3 kids is a lot. Why on earth have so many when you can't even handle the one? I would say try paying more attention to him and playing with him and see if his behavior is better with more attention, but I guess you can't do that. Maybe a child psychologist. But it really doesn't sound like ADHD meds are the answer or that it's even a correct diagnosis.
Wow, you and your family have a lot on your plate right now. That has to be hard on all of you and a lot of the behavior that you are describing with your son sounds like a reaction to stress. Picking at his skin, headbanging, those are definitely signs of "I'm not coping". I think you are pursuing the right course in seriously questioning the ADHD diagnosis and prescription and seeking more complete evaluations from developmental psychologists, and urgently if he keeps on down the self-harming path. There might be some things you can try in the interim/at the same time that could help too.
We have a six year old who also struggles to manage himself quite a lot of the time. Some of it is his temperament, he reacts strongly to negative emotions, but some of it is situational stress as well (moving, parent being gone for a few months, starting new school etc) and things have gradually improved as we've been able to tweak some of his routines and structures. Still exhausting, and still lots of difficult times, but slowly seeing some enduring positive changes.
First thing I would try as suggested is an earlier bedtime, even if it cuts down time in the evening with the working parent. We aim for being in bed by 8pm, in reality it's often 8.15ish, but we know it will be hard the next day if it's later than 8.45ish.
Is he able to go to pre-school for a shorter day for a transitional period? 7.45-2.15 is a long day for a four year old to have to hold it together at school, especially with new adults, new kids, new rules etc. I know it's not always possible but is there a way you could cut it down to 3 or 4 hours a day for a couple of weeks to give him a chance to only be there when he's at his freshest (and therefore more likely to cope), and maybe make a friend or two? Does he have to have a nap at school? It's not uncommon for kids to have stopped taking naps around 4ish, so maybe if he is there till 2.15 they can give him a quiet activity to do rather than struggle with him over a nap? Also, do you have a good feeling about the school overall? It does sound kind of rigid for that age-group, although can't really know without seeing it. Maybe there's a place better suited to his personality.
Is there something that he could become good at or something physical that he really enjoys doing, like riding a bike/scooter, making paper planes, using the monkey bars at the park, drawing? Feeling competent at something can be a huge lift for kids. Four can be such a hard age as there are many things they want to be able to do, but haven't yet mastered the motor skills, and it's really frustrating for them. Being able to do one thing well, no matter how small, can give them the sense that actually maybe they can handle the process of growing up after all.
Physical activity makes a big difference for us too. We were lucky enough to have been given a trampoline 3 or 4 months ago and I have to say, despite my inital scepticism and concern, it has been a godsend for us. When we can feel the "grrr" factor rising, we can tell him to go out and bounce it off, and even just a couple of minutes lets him get rid of the physical tension and turn his mindset around. Basketball hoops might serve the same purpose. If you don't have outdoor space, maybe one of the small hoops on the back of a bedroom door with foam balls? You could also try structured activities, but I would wait until he is more settled in preschool before putting him into more situations with strangers. I agree, martial arts are excellent for boys because they learn respect and discipline, but again I'd wait till he's closer to six for that.
Are you able to carve out a little bit of time each week where it's just you and him, even if it's just half an hour to go and get some ice cream in the weekend or clean the car or run an errand, as long it's just the two of you? We all love to feel special, kids more than most, and as the middle child he may not have had quite the same level of individual attention that the oldest and youngest inevitably get in most families. When he's away from the competing noises of sisters and home life, he might be able to tell you how certain things and situations make him feel. Or not, given that he is only 4. Either way, he'd still be really happy to have your time.
When you get divorced, the whole family will go through a big change and it could be worth seeing a family therapist or counsellor for a couple of sessions, either all together or just the kids. They might have a lot of feelings and questions, and they might talk about and learn to manage them more easily with a therapist/counsellor than with their parents because the stakes aren't as high.
Lastly, one surprisingly effective thing we started doing about a year ago was that either at the evening meal or when our boys were going to bed each of us would go through the 3 worst things of the day and the 3 best things of the day (in that order). It helped all of us, adults included, to get the crappy things off our chests but also to finish with focusing on the things that went right, even if they were just very small things on some days...And it also meant that we were checking in on each other's days at the same time, something that can be tricky to find the time to do normally.
It's a hard road when you are struggling to understand your child and figure out how to help them, keep trying different things till you find something that works for your situation. Hang in there, best of luck.
Does he play outside for at least two hours every day? Running and active outdoor play? It also sounds like there is no effective discipline -- and he behaves best with a grandfather who doesn't tolerate the bad behavior. Bribing only makes things worse.
I'd definitely take him off drugs -- Alderall is closely related to methamphetamine -- lots of horrible side effects.
Side Effects Symptoms
Before you decide to take an attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder treatment drug, such as Adderall, consider its common side effects including:
• Lack of appetite
• Headache
• Inability to fall asleep and stay asleep
• Dry Mouth
• Abdominal Pain and Discomfort
• Weight Loss
• Restlessness
If you already suffer from gastrointestinal problems, congenital heart defects or thyroid problems, Adderall prescription medication could interfere with your treatment plan for an underlying illness. Not all patients react the same to Adderall, so your doctor will follow you closely with frequent check-ups and routine medical exams.
Hazardous Side Effects
While most patients can tolerate low dosages of Adderall prescription medicine with minimal problems, there are some dangerous or hazardous side effects you should discuss with your doctor before starting a treatment plan. Some hazardous side effects include:
• Dangerous increase in blood pressure
• Tachycardia or a high pulse rate
• Irregular heart rate
• Difficulty breathing
• Chest pain
• Allergic reaction that includes swelling and redness in the eyes or throat
• Migraine headaches
• Syncope or losing consciousness
• Blurry or double vision
• Seizure activity and excessive and uncontrollable shaking
• Extreme nervousness and paranoid delusions
• Mood swings that include hostility and severe aggression
• Depression
Yikes. 2 meds at 4 years of age? 5 is awfully young to diagnoses ADHD, isn't it (no expert here, just wondering.)
Can you take him to a developmental pediatrician for a proper evaluation? Even if you have to drive a ways, a second opinion would be well worth it. The behaviors you describe could be due to a whole host of things -- environment, physical problems, etc.
This is good advice. Actually it can be diagnosed very early....2-3, if hyperactivity is involved. The meds may be making things worse, especially the switching...A second opinion from a neurologist would be my suggestion.
Also, the picking at himself could be "tics" sometimes these are caused by meds...a side effect.
Hang in there Mom...once you get things figured out w/ some good medical support you can get through it. It will never be easy, but it will be worth it.
My son has the same type situation..He is now an adult. My most selfless child. He had a very hard time in grade school, bullied alot, because of his disability, it makes socializing hard... but a wonderful caring school system...I was very involved and they were extremely helpful and supportive.
Getting this caught early is a blessing...my son was misdiagnosed at 5...although tested..and not til 2nd grade correctly diagnosed. He was considered a difficult child for 3 years in school as a result. With all those negatives that come with that. Thank goodness for his student teacher,,,, who later heads the special needs program of our school district.
The things I would caution young parents..having learned the hard way...Do everything you can to keep his self-esteem up...my son gravitated to those kids that would accept him when he was bullied...got into trouble young...but thank goodness has been maturing. It is very hard, get support for yourself, the internet, or start a support group for parents, it is very helpful...and greatly reduces stress.
Educate yourself on ADA..Americans w/ Disability Act...disabled folks have lots of rights..especially in the school environment... and IEP's Individual Education Plan...schools are mandated by federal law to provide learning in the least restrictive environment, and use adaptable equipment and other learning aids, special teachers etc...and this is a plan developed w/in the school, parents participate, teachers participate...all plan for this child's best possible school experience..
and parent rights for disabled students...you will have to be his advocate and teach him to advocate for himself as he gets older. And, children who have ADD or ADHD can sometimes disabilities in learning, but that does not mean that they aren't really smart...read some of the resources, it will help.
Most of all, make him feel loved...a loved kid has an easier time in life no matter what. Pick your battle grounds...it won't get easier, but learning all you can will help. Individu... sports, tae kwan do (sp?), wrestling...easier for kids with these disabilities imo...and builds confidence. Good luck to you.
This is good advice. Actually it can be diagnosed very early....2-3, if hyperactivity is involved. The meds may be making things worse, especially the switching...A second opinion from a neurologist would be my suggestion.
Actually, adhd is generally NOT diagnosed at 2 to 3. This is because many children at that age are extremely active, but do not have adhd.
Right now, the dsm says onset before the age of 7, but the new dsm is changing that to onset before 12. One of the reasons that it is not diagnosed early involves the fact that there are other things that may cause the symptoms. Most specialists do not dx before age 5, but symptoms may be evident prior to that. In fact, many are not comfortable with dxing before 7 or 8.
Actually, adhd is generally NOT diagnosed at 2 to 3. This is because many children at that age are extremely active, but do not have adhd.
Right now, the dsm says onset before the age of 7, but the new dsm is changing that to onset before 12. One of the reasons that it is not diagnosed early involves the fact that there are other things that may cause the symptoms. Most specialists do not dx before age 5, but symptoms may be evident prior to that. In fact, many are not comfortable with dxing before 7 or 8.
I feel badly for that, because my son was misdiagnosed at 5, and was treated like the "bad" behavior kid in class...when his diagnosis actually would have had him in programs much earlier. I haven't heard the new DSM ruling...12 is very late if you know anything about all the dynamics of this diagnosis...I hope you'll list a resource link.
Here is a good one re: ADHD http://www.ldonline.org/adhdbasics
Last edited by JanND; 10-30-2012 at 10:33 PM..
Reason: link added
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
