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Because her mother took her to the hospital (how many people are needed to drive one person to the hospital?) Until they checked her out, we didn't know what was happening. She asked that the girls watch the kids so she could go get checked out. We had expected they'd call if anything happened or they needed anything. Unfortunately, what happened is the last thing I expected. I would never have sent my kids over there if I'd known how it would play out. It was not their place to be there. They're kids.
Right now, I'm dealing with what my kids are going through. They're kids. They shouldn't be going through this but they are and I don't know how to help them get over something they never should have seen in the first place. That's what I'm asking for help with. The thread isn't about ddil. It's about helping my kids get through this. They should have been sent home but weren't. Now we have to deal with them witnessing something they should not have.
Re the first bolded: That was not clear in your first post. It sounded like she drove herself.
Re the second bolded: ddil's frame of mind does have something to do with this. I know I wouldn't be thinking straight if I was going through that. That is why she didn't send them home.
Why didn't your girls call you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by beth98
So many things wrong with this whole thing. Where did your Ddil's mother go? I second talking to the girl's guidance counselor as well as their doctor, who may be able to guide you through talking to them or recommend a therapist for them to see for a while to deal with the issue.
I was wondering where the mother went also. I don't think I could leave my daughter in that state.
I also agree about speaking with the guidance counselor.
"If your ddil does not have better sense then this maybe you should not allow your girls over there anymore unless you are there too. Your ddil sounds like she has some serious problems. I'm sorry that your daughters had to go through something like that."
Isn't it possible that she was very upset and not thinking straight? Her husband wasn't around. I don't know why her own mother would leave her.
I wonder why your daughters did not call you, Ivory? It seems like one of them would have thought to do that. Maybe they were not thinking straight either, given the situation.
I agree with the idea of speaking to their school counselor about the situation.
Edited to add: now I see where her mother went. Geesh.
"If your ddil does not have better sense then this maybe you should not allow your girls over there anymore unless you are there too. Your ddil sounds like she has some serious problems. I'm sorry that your daughters had to go through something like that."
Isn't it possible that she was very upset and not thinking straight? Her husband wasn't around. I don't know why her own mother would leave her.
I wonder why your daughters did not call you, Ivory? It seems like one of them would have thought to do that. Maybe they were not thinking straight either, given the situation.
I agree with the idea of speaking to their school counselor about the situation.
Edited to add: now I see where her mother went. Geesh.
My kids didn't know what to do. Before leaving, ddils mom asked dd#1 if she was staying the night to in case ddil needed help. At that point, I think dd thought she was supposed to stay in case ddil needed help so she did. Kids tend to do what they're instructed to do in unfamiliar situations and dd#1 is the type who likes to feel important and this would make her feel important. I think she was just hoping she wouldn't be needed. Dd#2 would go along with whatever her sister did. I wish ddil's mom had thought to call me. I would rather have been there myself given that the situation changed from baby sitting while ddil spent the night in the hospital to a possible miscarriage watch.
Dd did text me to say ddil lost the baby but she was not clear that ddil was at the house. I assumed she was at the hospital. As I said, it was the next evening before we realized all of this transpired at the house with the girls there.
How awful! I've been through a late-second trimester loss -- I was hospitalized -- and the experience was the most devastating event of my life. My heart goes out to your daughter-in-law and her immediate family.
Your girls have also had a traumatic experience. I would encourage them to talk to your daughter-in-law, if they are all able to handle it. The best support for them may come from those who were in the room, because they went through it together. I would also encourage your entire family to arrange or attend a service to say good-bye to the baby who might have been. It may seem overwhelming, but an open acknowledgement of what happened will help everyone process the event, because there is no hiding from grief.
In my family's case, we attended a memorial service at the hospital for those who had lost pregnancies during the year, and my extended family came together to plant a tree for our stillborn daughter. Many of them had been at the hospital with my husband and me when it happened, and I think we all benefited from supporting each other as we grieved.
This subject has no useful purpose. Why is it even posted? The witnessing of a miscarriage is extremely rare...most take place in absolute privacy. The chances of others being part of this event is a million too one...The person having the miscarriage is irresponsible...once they felt this coming on they should have left the scene and left the other kids out of the picture....modern people are so weak.
This subject has no useful purpose. Why is it even posted? The witnessing of a miscarriage is extremely rare...most take place in absolute privacy. The chances of others being part of this event is a million too one...The person having the miscarriage is irresponsible...once they felt this coming on they should have left the scene and left the other kids out of the picture....modern people are so weak.
Your compassion for the grieving mother is stunning. I'm so grateful that my family was there to support and guide me when I lost my pregnancy. Trust me, I was out of my head. I had no rational thoughts. It doesn't surprise me one bit that the OP's dil wasn't thinking clearly in the midst of her miscarriage. The tragedy is that other adults weren't present to help and that it fell upon two inexperienced girls to manage the situation.
How awful! I've been through a late-second trimester loss -- I was hospitalized -- and the experience was the most devastating event of my life. My heart goes out to your daughter-in-law and her immediate family.
Your girls have also had a traumatic experience. I would encourage them to talk to your daughter-in-law, if they are all able to handle it. The best support for them may come from those who were in the room, because they went through it together. I would also encourage your entire family to arrange or attend a service to say good-bye to the baby who might have been. It may seem overwhelming, but an open acknowledgement of what happened will help everyone process the event, because there is no hiding from grief.
I'm sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine losing a baby later in a pregnancy. I'm sure ddil was well past thinking of a miscarriage. I know I was by this point in my pregnancies. Unfortuantely, she has asked that no one call her or talk to her about this and I assume that includes my kids. I don't think there will be any kind of service but I agree on needing closure. Unfortunately, it's not my call. Perhaps it would help my girls to have a balloon releasing ceremony for the baby.
This subject has no useful purpose. Why is it even posted? The witnessing of a miscarriage is extremely rare...most take place in absolute privacy. The chances of others being part of this event is a million too one...The person having the miscarriage is irresponsible...once they felt this coming on they should have left the scene and left the other kids out of the picture....modern people are so weak.
It's posted because it happened and I just don't know what to do for my kids. I can't imagine putting kids in this position but what is done is done and all that is left is to clean up the mess. I think dd#1 will get past this quickly. She's pragmatic like me. We do what needs to be done and deal with it later. Her sister, however, is very emotional and internalizes everything.
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