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I can't afford them. It's not the financial but I can afford the time and patience in such an investment. I always look at every decision as an investment. Is it worth it to me? Can I profit in someway out of this? When it comes to being a parent. I cannot and I've been vilified on a number of occasions because of it. It is what it is.
Ever hear people say this? I've thought about this and it doesn't make sense. It might seem reasonable, but it's actually flawed reasoning: It implies you need to be at a certain financial level to have them, which clearly isn't the case. You have people making well over six figures that "can't afford children," yet people with less than half their salary that somehow make it work--and aren't at or poverty level, for that matter. And while you may argue the cost of living, this happens even in the most expensive parts of the country.
You may argue each kid cost X to put on your insurance, while childcare cost Y, and "expenses" total to Z, rationalizing the need to save. While that's noble, the reality is, if you want kids and think you can't afford it now, you're never really going to. How much can you factor is "necessary" when there's no set number, when inflation implies you'll have to keep saving, because it still won't be "enough" after next year? While there is certainly some planning needed in having children, it's easy to take the planning overboard. It becomes a never-ending pursuit of perfection, that you may never reach. And even if you come close, life happens. All that money you saved could end up being used to recover from an unexpected emergency/accident. You could have had a great job yesterday, only to lose it today/have your hours reduced, and find out tomorrow your wife is pregnant (with twins even). How often do things turn out as planned, especially with parenthood?
I'm convinced the people who say this really mean, they won't be able to maintain their current lifestyle, which they love; and/or won't be able to have the lifestyle they want or find most ideal, after having them. I'm convinced if one truly wants something bad enough, they'll make it work for them, and perhaps in the process all those "necessities" really aren't necessary after all.
I'm not suggesting everyone has to have kids, as that is a personal preference. But can't some people just admit they just don't want kids (now or ever); recognize their lives will change and aren't willing to prepare for it (now or ever); won't be as well off as they'd like; or may struggle somewhat, instead of using the excuse they "can't afford them"? Are people ashamed they'll seem selfish for admitting any of this? I certainly see nothing wrong with admitting any of that. For the record, I'd rather people admit they don't want children than to have them simply out of obligation.
I find that most times people say they "can't afford" something it is more a matter of priorities. Can't afford preschool, but can afford a kitchen remodel, can't afford a vacation, but can afford 2 $50K cars and a 3000 sf house. I've never actually heard someone say they can't afford kids, though, especially not anyone making six figures. That's obviously just an excuse. It's too bad people feel the need to make up a reason instead of just saying they don't want kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by breeinmo.
Great post.
My biggest regret is having my tubes tied at 21 since we could barely afford the 2 kids we had. Why oh why, didnt we see that situations & money improve? We could have afforded 2-5 more with no trouble just a few yrs later. I'm still amazed a dr. did my surgery at such a young age without even talking to me about it.
As far as the OP, some truly cant afford them, and some would rather not make the sacrifices required. Its a personal choice, and I'd rather people not have them if they feel they shouldnt/couldnt. I've heard folks who dont want any children, really get a hard time from others. Now thats just rude and horrible, to think somethings wrong with childless couples and berate them for their decision. Not everyone wants to be a parent and not everyone is fit too be one.
Well, they would be correct... they can't "afford" children because it comes at a cost they're not willing to pay. It says more about the person who says the affordability issue is an excuse; seriously what does it matter to you what someone else's choices are?
...And there's nothing wrong with saying that. It's not a matter of mattering if people want children. I already mentioned not everyone has to have children and it's a personal preference. I'm pointing out how using affordability is really flawed reasoning and there's nothing wrong with just saying, one doesn't want children (right now or ever): because that's the reality. Perfectly fine to admit that.
It's a valid argument. If more people thought about the long-term costs of child-rearing, it would save them years of confusion, scrimping, regret (not about having kids per se, maybe more about wishing they'd done more with their lives first) and then taking all of this out on the kids themselves.
No one is ever fully prepared, even when raising children. Even those who prepare find life turns out differently than expected. That's life.
Basically, if you don't want children (right now or ever), that's fine: just say that.
...And there's nothing wrong with saying that. It's not a matter of mattering if people want children. I already mentioned not everyone has to have children and it's a personal preference. I'm pointing out how using affordability is really flawed reasoning and there's nothing wrong with just saying, one doesn't want children (right now or ever): because that's the reality. Perfectly fine to admit that.
But they are saying and thus admitting they don't want kids. Whether you think it's a flawed reasoning to say it's an affordability issue doesn't matter.
I find that most times people say they "can't afford" something it is more a matter of priorities. Can't afford preschool, but can afford a kitchen remodel, can't afford a vacation, but can afford 2 $50K cars and a 3000 sf house. I've never actually heard someone say they can't afford kids, though, especially not anyone making six figures. That's obviously just an excuse. It's too bad people feel the need to make up a reason instead of just saying they don't want kids.
I'm talking about households below the poverty level, which is 15 % of households in the U.S. --about 46 million people.
I don't think poor people should be having kids unless they can support them themselves. Having kids is not a 'right' that you have if you can't afford them.
If you can't afford to raise a family you shouldn't be having kids---it's that simple. ( to me).
Kids are expensive. You have to provide shelter to them, feed them, clothe them, provide transporation to them, medical care, and everything else. They are not cheap. Why someone who can hardly support themselves elects to have kids is beyond me---yet there are millions of people who do.
I'm talking about households below the poverty level, which is 15 % of households in the U.S. --about 46 million people.
I don't think poor people should be having kids unless they can support them themselves. Having kids is not a 'right' that you have if you can't afford them.
If you can't afford to raise a family you shouldn't be having kids---it's that simple. ( to me).
Kids are expensive. You have to provide shelter to them, feed them, clothe them, provide transporation to them, medical care, and everything else. They are not cheap. Why someone who can hardly support themselves elects to have kids is beyond me---yet there are millions of people who do.
I was expressing my opinion, not responding specifically to you. The OP said s/he has had people who earn 6 figures claim they can't afford kids. That's not poverty.
But they are saying and thus admitting they don't want kids. Whether you think it's a flawed reasoning to say it's an affordability issue doesn't matter.
Nope--they're two different things. One comes across as defensive and wishy-washy. The other is more direct. One gives false hope: it implies things could change if the conditions are right. The other implies your mind is already made up/decided.
Perhaps I'm just a more direct person, but people should just say what they mean, leaving no room for interpretation.
LexWest...when someone says they "can't afford" children it just means to me that they don't really want them...
I don't think that's really true.
People can want children but decide they want to be able to give their children something. If you can afford a $300 shabby apartment in a high crime area of town, and barely enough food to eat, you might not want to have them until you can do better for them.
If you have a bunch of kids but can never take them even on a camping trip, or provide them safe daycare, or have a home with a yard they can play in, or afford books and basic toys, and dress them in rags, then why have them? If you're barely making ends meet, and you feel kids need a little more than a bare mattress on the floor to sleep on, day old bread with bologna, never a meal out or a family trip and that's all you want to give them then you can afford kids on very little.
That doesn't mean kids have to have fine furniture or iPhones and all the latest video games and nothing but the most expensive clothes. They don't even need trips to Disneyland and vacation cruises. It's certainly nice to grow up with a yard to play in, some trees to climb, horses to ride, summer vacation trips -- especially affordable camping trips, experience at least a ride in a boat now and then, and clothes that don't make you feel like a pauper.
So there are no families in Los Angeles?! Hmm. You missed my point about high cost areas. Even in high cost areas, the median income is roughly $50k, yet there are families with children who manage to live there, not at poverty level. Certainly the median income in Los Angeles isn't anywhere near six figures. In fact, it's roughly half that. Clearly people must manage somehow, because schools would be nonexistent. Obviously there are families there as well.
I looked it up. The median income in L.A. County is $52,000/year. A horrible house in a rotten neighborhood is $300,000. The family of four living on $52 K a year may not be poverty stricken but they are living on a real tight budget and no one is eating steak. And if $52 K is median stop and think about what life is like for the family in L.A. who lives on less. Lots of poverty in L.A. Lots. (And you don't want to know what the schools are like in the poor areas.)
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